Prison Break: The "Lost" Episode - 
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So how the hell did Lincoln get so professionally set up? And how did Michael decide to tattoo his whole torso? And how did Dr. Sara Tancredi end up at Fox River Prison? And what made lovable Sucre commit armed robbery? And what was T-Bag like outside the slammer? And how did the corpse have Terrance Steadman's dentition? And how many more questions can I come up with? And how many English majors are cringing about my repeated use of "And" to start sentences?
Some Prison Break fans were bemoaning a flashback episode, fearing it would be full of previously seen clips and crap like that. Alas, the show did not do us like that - in fact, I thought this episode was creative, smart, entertaining, and went a long way to further the storyline while still leaving us wanting more. More conspiracy, more mysterious tattoo clues, and more Maricruz in a thong. Ay carumba, muy caliente!
In case anyone thought Lincoln Burroughs was a model citizen before getting involved in this mess, you were quickly absolved of that notion. There he was, curled in a dirty, shivering fetal position out on the mean streets of Chicago. He had had a bender the previous night and had lost the keys to his apartment. Michael showed up, shook his pretty little head in disappointment at his older brother and got him into the tiny apartment.
Two dudes were already in there; Crab Barrows and some other guy and they were in bad spirits. We learned a little bit about the debts Lincoln owed (90 grand) and that they had come due. Of course, poor ass Lincoln had no money, so he was offered a deal: Murder a guy who does bad things to good people. A $90,000 bullet, if you will. And it didn't appear as though Lincoln had much of a choice in the matter.
Some peeping Toms were watching and recording this whole exchange and noting every detail of Lincoln's outfit. After a few scenes where Michael was drinking scotch with a very flirtatious Veronica, Lincoln left a desperate message on Michael's cell phone. He needed help and guidance, as he was about to commit murder, but Michael was too interested in his druggie bro's leftover poontang - Veronica.
In a scene critical to the entire series, we saw an unstable Lincoln approach Terrance Steadman's car with gun drawn, preparing to shoot the man in the head. Of course Steadman was already shot dead and of course Agents Kellerman and Pussy were filming the entire proceeding.
Moral Dilemma # 1: The rest of the time you watch "Prison Break" and are hoping Lincoln is spared, remember that he WAS going to shoot Steadman and, we can assume, murder him.
After not shooting Steadman, Linc ran out of the parking garage and down and alley and bumped into none other than lovable Sucre. Lovable - and in love. Sucre didn't care that this crazy gun-toting white guy who ostensibly just murdered the VP's brother ran into him - for he just caught the eye of the muy deliciosis Maricruz from across the way. Sucre was loco for Maricruz, and Hector (remember him?) was also there to quash our Sucre's dreams.
Flash over to the hospital where a slightly younger Dr. Tancredi was shooting up morphine. Quick scene change to Kuwait where a younger and thinner C-Note was delivering a case of cold beer to a superio -- SAY WHAT?! Dr. Tancredi shooting up drugs?! Yup, and the dark circles under her eyes proved it - she was a full-fledged addict! I didn't see that one coming - which is weird because, you know, this show took place in the past. I refused to get wrapped up in a freaky Charlie Kaufmann mindf*ck and just reveled in the fact that Dr. Tancredi was the hottest junkie I've ever seen.
The next day the news was out - Lincoln Burroughs had murdered Terrance Steadman. There was concrete evidence (the video) and a motive (Linc worked for Steadman's company and had been fired recently). There was also the pithy Dr. Phil excuse of, "My mommy died and my daddy was absent from my childhood, wah, wah, waaaaahhhh." Michael, fully fed up with his loser brother, wrote him off and believed the media reports.
Amazingly, Veronica stuck up for Lincoln and persuaded Michael to pursue the story because she just couldn't believe it. This, of course, makes no sense if you remember back in episode one, it was Michael doing all the convincing to Veronica! But that's a minor quibble. At this point, the show raced forward with endless very short, totally unrelated scenes. As a result, and because I think I've only be able to cobble together one joke thus far, I'm going to change up how I write this. Eh, it's nearly a week late so who cares anyway, right?
Sucre's real name is Fernando and he really is a genuinely nice guy. His cousin, Hector, is the conniving jealous jerk we thought him to be, and Maricruz is the hottie Latina we knew her to be. Sucre was enamored with Maricruz, but being broke and generally lame hurt his chances to woo her. Hector made sure to drive this point home as much as he could, but Sucre had a plan up his sleeve. Barrio logic: You need money, you rob liquor store.
But since Sucre is the nicest armed robber in history, when the store clerk offered up several hundred dollars, Mr. McFriendly Neighborhood Armed Robber only took 20 bucks, leaving the victim stunned. Awwww, how cute - a real Zorro. As a result of this crime, he was able to wine and dine his girl and she ate it all up.
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