The Dao of Chloe - 
by EdHIll
What follows next is the Hoosiers moment. Remember when Gene Hackman brings his kids to the state championship basketball court the day before the big game? And then the kids look at the huge arena they are going to play in and Hackman then has them measure the court to remind them that it’s just the same as the court back home in good old Hickory. It’s just like that, only Tim Gunn is Gene Hackman. And Santino is Rudy. No wait, Rudy’s on 24. Santino is “Duke� Laloosh and Daniel is… lets say Brian Piccolo.
Backstage they all rush to get everything ready. They even start the hip runway music that gets your blood pumping. With two hours until the runway show Nick, Diana and Andrae show up. Tim comes by and sees that Daniel is having a bunch of people (Tim's Parsons students I find out later after listening to Tim’s podcast. Yes, I am a geek) help him sew. Tim doesn’t understand why they need to be sewing two hours before the runway show. “All right. I’m just surprised, that’s all.� Tim says in his oh so classy passive aggressive guilt trippy way.
Chloe goes to check on Grace’s hair and isn’t happy with it. She makes them do it all over again. She just wants to see “a lightness coming from her!� the lack of sleep is making her a diva she tells us. Things get more and more hectic and the seats are starting to fill. All of season two’s contestants are seated in the front row, and everyone’s family starts to filter in as well. But the drama continues backstage. It seems that Daniel has lost his designer bags. Which is weird because how hard is it to lose track of 34 pounds of wood? Tim Gunn has probably the best line of the night when he looks at him and simply says “Some things happen for a reason�. Amazingly Daniel just doesn’t get the hint. He still wants those bags. When someone asks him if people are looking for his bags Daniel says “A thousand people should be, but I don’t know if anyone actually is.� Yes Daniel, lets just stop Olympus Fashion Week in its tracks so we can have a thousand people search for your driftwood. Thank god a few minutes later he finds them. That’s right; Daniels secret weapon is safe even though someone tried to steal it from him out of pure jealousy. Santino’s mom is in the audience and Santino tells us that he hasn’t seen her in 4 years because he cant afford to fly out. When we here her talking about how proud she is of him she gets “a little ver klempt�. First awww moment of the night.
Finally the lights dim, the models are positioned and its time for the show. And I feel like a dork because the whole thing actually got me kind of excited. Heidi comes onstage and greets everyone in a dress that is cramming her boobs together so tight I let out an audible gasp. Michael Kors, you are a genius! As we cut to the crowd we see that for some random reason Santino’s mother is sitting right next to Beth Ostrosky, Howard Stern’s horse faced girlfriend. That made me laugh.
Heidi tells the audience that she is proud of all three designers and loves them all. Daniel Franco winces. Then she introduces the “guest judge� Will and Grace’s Debra Messing. I feel the same way about her as I did about Parker Posey as last season’s guest judge. Just because you are an actress who likes clothes doesn’t really mean you’re qualified to be a judge with Michael Kors and Nina Garcia. You’re not going to see me Umpire the All Star Game. Ah well, on with the show.
Daniel comes out and gives his little intro, says he loves his family and says his collection is for them. Hear that dad? You got yourself a camel mohair dress in your future! Daniels show for me was kind of dull. Except for a few pieces they all seemed really vanilla and uninteresting. Where is the craziness from last season where Jay had women coming out wearing fur lined headphones? But hey, this is for Banana Republic so maybe its perfect. The only other memorable thing about his show is his model Rebecca almost takes a tumble right there on the runway. Granted you can’t really blame her because the gown she was wearing was about 12 feet long and gave her about a 4 inch space for her feet. But that wasn’t the only danger Daniels models had to contend with. I heard half of them had to get rushed to the ER with massive splinters. Rimshot!
Next up is Chloe, who looks even smaller than usual on that stage. Seriously, the microphone is like the size of a tree trunk in her hand. We start with the “couch piece� as I’ve decided to call it, based on Santino’s pretty accurate description from last episode. Poofiness doesn’t even begin to describe it. In fact you’d have to invent a whole new adjective to describe its poofiness. Like, say “krelpy�. Yeah, the dress was way krelpy. Other than that and a few other duds, her pieces are actually very nice. They fit the models well, and she has the seams placed in these flattering positions along their bodies. And of course, my Grace does an outstanding job as always. When she gives her little turn around runway look, it’s like she’s looking into my soul. Either that or I just got a thing for redheads. Or both.
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