With two hours to go Vincent says the magic words that make me sit up in my seat. "It's experimentation time". This is gonna be fun. Vincent has designed what Laura describes to us as a "Long strapless paper dress and he just glued garbage on it". Which is exactly what it is. Vincent however is thrilled with it. He thinks its "hot".

Soon after that its time for Tim to come by for his walkabout. He stops ant Uli's first and loves it. It's a kind of woven skirt using what looks like cellophane and white paper. But it's got that Uli look to it. He fells the same way about Jeffrey's and says his dress looks stunning. At Vincent's section Tim is not so thrilled. Vincent tries to persuade him of his dresses artsiness by saying it is "avant garde". Well it depends on what kind of avant garde. Are we talking bad avant garde like Bjorks swan dress at the 2001 Academy Awards or the good avant garde like the gold American Express dress worn by Lizzie Gardiner at the 1996 Academy Awards? Tim is concerned that he's only glued junk on one side of the dress, making it look like a two dimensional pile of shit as opposed to a fully realized pile of shit.

At Michael's station he loves the gold bustier top he has made but he thinks the skirt, which is white, looks too much like a blank canvas and needs more work. At Alison stations things aren't looking well. He thinks it looks a little unflattering and he then reminds Alison that his model is the "zaftig" one which is Yiddish for a girl with a little more junk in her trunk. To drive it home we get a very forced and Trumplike voiceover insert of Tim saying "Keep in mind it's about the model you have. It's about her." This of course means it becomes an issue on the runway.

At Kayne's station Tim even laughs out loud and he is usually unflappable. The man just does not flap. But the lime green paper mache dress just confounds him. What's worse is he also stuck a bunch of lime green painted medicine caps to the side of the giant skirt as well. He is one pile of dried macaroni away from every kindergartener's art project. Tim says it looks like amateur hour. What if the circles were gone?" Tim goes as far as telling him to chuck the whole thing, which he does. With that Kayne has only one hour to create a whole new skirt out of Mylar, which ends up being almost as bad. Alison is also winging it and trying to figure out a way to get her dress together.

The next morning we get brief glimpses of everyone making up, including an incredibly cute Alison with her hair all messed up and with droopy eyes. When hey get to the workrooms Tim says they have 2 hours for makeup and hair, and in come the models. The fun part about these challenges is that the outfits never fit so the models are put thought the ringer in the fittings.. Tape here, glue gun there. It's good TV and only increases the chances of a nip slip. Alison makes the mistake of putting off her fitting until later saying she is sure it will fit. Coupled with the voiceover from before, you can bet your bottom dollar that it won't. Wow. Did I just make an Annie reference? I have been spending too much time watching gay fashion designers. Time to break out my A-Team season one DVD.

Soon my Laura pipes in with some good snark. "The most painful thing to watch is Kayne and Alison's styling choices". Cut right to Kayne's model with frizzed out hair and lime green eye shadow and Alison's with a giant Mickey Mouse bow of blonde hair on her head. If it was me I would have kept the Mickey Mouse look going and had her go topless with only some red shorts with big buttons, but I'm not on the show and she is. For now. As they are all sitting in the makeup room Laura asks him where he came up with that idea for the eye shadow. "Stress! It was just stress!" Laura then nods her head and says "I worry about your choices so often sweetheart". Kayne than snaps back "Well I worry about your character and that's worse." Wow. Someone had his bitch flakes for breakfast. He continues his little rant all the while eating a granola bar, which makes it all the funnier to me. "I was in the top three last time so don't worry about my choices. And I'm not gonna be degraded in front of the cameras." Kayne sweet heart, with a dress like that, you'll be begging for Laura's benign comments when Michael Kors sees it. That bitch takes no prisoners!

As they are frantically putting on their last minute touches Vincent is falling in love with his crap all over again. It "got me off" he says as it looked like a "child's drawing". So children's drawings gets Vincent sexually aroused. Can anyone honestly say they are surprised? He probably masturbates to the Teletubbies. That Tinky Winky just aches for it. You can tell.

As they are greeted on the runway by Heidi I have to admit its another dud of an outfit. A black top that looks like it was just wrapped around her. Man, remember the days when all I cared about was whether or not you could see her boobies? I've come a long way with my fashion acumen. After all, I gotta get it ready for NY Fashion Week. Heidi introduces our judges, Michael, Nina and our guest judge is "celebrity stylist" Rachel Zoe. Now its time for the show.

Posted by EdHIll on August 18, 2006 4:32 PM