Garbage In, Garbage Out - 
by EdHIll
First up is Uli, and her dress looks great. All the braiding made you second guess what it was made of. Next up is Angela's dress and I'll be damned it wasn't that bad. Kind of a futuristic overall for someone who would be farming Soylent green. What's that? Soylent green is people? Oh god! We've got to warn everyone and tell them! Soylent green is made of people! Soylent green is people!
Next up is my boy Michael. His dress looks fab. Not sure about the clear plastic wrap wraparound coat, but Nazri is rocking the gold bustier. From one extreme to the other we go directly o Vincent's. He is of course still gushing about his giant paper monster. "It was like art in motion" he says. Well, apparently art walks like Frankenstein because the model could barely walk. And once again, Vincent tells us how much it "got me off".
Roberts dress looks OK, like a cocktail dress wrapped in tinfoil. Which begs the question, if we put the model over high heat will she start spitting out popcorn? Jeffrey's dress also looks pretty good, but whatever enthusiasm I have for it is tempered by his raving ego when he talks about its "Flawlessness". Laura's dress is very, how do you say? Ah yes. "Lauraish. Its nice, its just more Laura.
From one end of the spectrum to the other we then get Alison and Kayne's monstrosities. Alison's model looks like she's covered in a bunch of air conditioning filters, which when you think about it, she probably is. And Kayne's is just a lime green art project gone bad. And with the makeup it and red hair on his model she looks like Poison Ivy from the movie Batman & Robin, the worst comic book movie in the history of mankind. Kayne at least admits that he hated his dress and is aware of its suckitude.
After the runway show Heidi then tabulates the judges and tells Angela, Uli and Robert that they are safe. This leaves us with Alison, Vincent and Kayne in the bottom three and Michael, Jeffrey and Laura in the top three.
They start with Michael and they all love it. Michael Kors says he really understood that "Innovation doesn't have to hit you in the face". But you know what does hit Kors in the face? BAWLS! What? It's the official energy drink of the NY Fashion Week, so of course he's gonna be drinking it.
Next they pick on Vincent. Kors goes right to the fit and how it made her walk like Frankenstein. Vincent will have none of it and for the 3rd time he says that the dress "turns me on". He then starts rubbing his crotch right there in front of them. Or at least he must have from the reaction shots of Kors and Nina. Heidi does pipe up and say that at least he was unafraid of trying something. That one dissenting voice could be enough to save him.
Laura's dress they love. They like the clean look and the "impeccableness" of what she does, and Kors especially likes the flower. With Kayne it's not so good. And it gets worse when Kayne's description of what he was going for is that "she had bee just rolling around in a dumpster". Kors puts it best when he says that Kayne "Stepped over the boundary of taste" which is saying something since Vincent is standing right next to him with a raging hard on.
Jeffrey's dress is next and they all like it. Even I do. The trick was all in the dye. He made a cool yellowish green color to his dress and painted in a "Trump laid" belt. I'm not sure if that's what he said, I think it was something French, but Trump laid belt is funnier. You see, when I think Trump I think may things. Bad hair, Trump Ice, the greatest bottled water ever, and of course.... PASSION!! Belts not so much. Next is Alison. She says she just kind of let the materials "do what they wanted dot do" which unfortunately they did. Heidi, surprise, surprise, hates the fit and thinks it makes her look fat and they hate the Mickey Mouse hair as well. Kors gets a good gay snap in by saying that she "looks like a paper brioche". I have no idea what that means but he totally nailed her!
After the judges confer they bring out the designers. Laura is told she is EEN and can leave the runway. Now it's time for the winner. Jeffrey sits there quietly waiting to hear his name...
"Michael, you are the winner of this challenge" Heidi says with a smile. Sweet. The Dark Knight wins another challenge. The icing on the cake is seeing Jeffrey, who still hasn't won anything, stand there looking dejected. Heidi then tells Jeffrey that he got second place. A silent nod and he walks off. We then hear him in his diary room interview saying that Michaels dress was the "equivalent of diabetic food. No flavor." Way to show good sportsmanship Ichabod. And how long have you been practicing that line in front of the mirror?
Back on the runway Kayne is told that he is in. I am speechless. So that leaves us with Alison and Vincent, who has now gone a little soft, unlike his dress which they say was stiff and over the top. Alison's styling choices and silhouette were unflattering. Then another bad Trump like voiceover from Heidi talking about how she didn't know the female form. With that we have the decision. Alison is out.
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