This incident of course resulted in the obligatory Mel-bashing scene which in true form ended with Sarah noting “I mean, I love the girl.” Yes, Sarah loves her in that sort of “I hate you so much” way. Well, luckily for her, a Santa Cruz Karma bomb hit Mel nice and hard. After a night of boozing at her favorite spot, The Drinker’s Tavern (as opposed to the Non Drinker’s Tavern), Mel returned home slurry and all Leo-ish. She called her obviously disinterested boyfriend and assured him that “I’m wasted to a point where I can fall asleep and not barf.” She then proceeded to barf – in front of Sarah. Fantastic.

Somewhere around here Mel babbled to the camera with a startlingly new hairstyle that seemed to completely distract me from whatever was going on. All I do remember is that Mel and Sarah went off to volunteer at a pet adoption event, but when that became too labor intensive (looking at cute animals is like sooo rigorous), the two jetted back to the apartment to share a hot tub. There Sarah probed Melanie about her past, but when Mel got to the part about her mom locking her in the closet, Sarah looked positively overwhelmed. “This isn’t about sex at all!” her face seemed to say. Somehow, the girls left the tub and the episode with “respect” for each other, which is just another lovely notch on the road to full-scale catfight.

Meanwhile, back at the other storyline, Shavonda moped around the mansion, complaining about Landon’s drinking. Earning her keep as a Bunim/Murray drama queen, Shavonda was sure to gab about it to everyone, even her ex-boyfriend Shaun. I might have to hit him next time, she said with a grim tone as the show cut to commercial. For anyone who seriously pondered whether or not Shavonda would hit Landon, congratulations. You’re an idiot.

The show finally headed to the finish line as Shavonda and Landon had a candid conversation about alcohol. Landon admitted that he never had a buzz – he just went from being sober to blasted in an instant. I wonder how that happens? Maybe martini chugging contests aren’t the best idea after all. Later, the two decided to lie down together on the confessional floor where they had an incoherent discussion about whether or not they liked each other. I was nearly in tears – not because the moment was so special, but I just really really wanted to get back to playing Grand Theft Auto. Please Bunim/Murray. No more Shavandon (or Landvonda either).

Posted by B-side on October 27, 2004 8:54 AM