Perhaps sensing trouble on the horizon, MJ decided to butter up the execs ahead of the presentation by schmoozing with Mimi, the sexay Philadelphia Soul CFO. While he managed to find something flirtatiously jokey about making color copies, Mimi simply smiled and asked "You're not going to be late tomorrow, are you?" Ouch. Carolyn Kepcher, look out! The best part of all this though was watching some awkward fat guy try to squeeze by the two with a look on his face that seemed to say "Oh shit. There are the MTV cameras. Shit shit shit. Try to be cool. Act natural. Be yourself. Don't look in the lens - d'oh! Uh... Hi mom!"

Finally, the much ballyhooed presentation was upon us. Not only was this not in the conference room of the Philly Soul, but it was way out in the middle of nowhere in what appeared to be the Northern Home coffee lounge. Wow, these execs really have nothing to do at all. They're like "Someone's got Power Point in the suburbs? To the SoulMobile!" Amazingly enough, even Jon Bon Jovi with his lovely, soon to be lice infested hair showed up. It was pretty nice of him to take a break from that hectic Duracell commercial lifestyle.

Anyway, the roommates all got to work on their presentation, which seemed to go quite nicely. It even survived the treacly demand, "Let the children play!" Honestly, they should have just busted out some old White Lion: "When the children cry, let them know we tried. 'Cause when the children sing, then the new world begins." It's probably funnier if you can hear me actually singing...

In the end, everyone was incredibly impressed. Bon Jovi even gushed "I only hoped that you'd make us proud. You did it tenfold." He then added, "One might say you came through in a blaze of glory." Polite laughter. "One might say, this presentation was more than just halfway there - you were not living on a prayer. One might say, had you been disorganized, it would have been a shot through the heart. One might say..." At which point the president said, "Jon, we get it."

Actually, he said none of that. Instead he told the roomies that they'd be receiving a surprise later that afternoon. A surprise! Bug-eyes all around. We then cut to the mansion and lingered on the fishtank. So the surprise was new fish? Wow, worst season EVER! Actually, the surprise was more than just a piscine upgrade. At 2 PM, the doorbell rang and everyone bolted to the front door... which was jammed. Curses! Landon and MJ tried to turn the knob, but to no avail. Were there scabies in the lock? Or did the producers merely want to lock down the premises for a full scale fumigation? Didn't matter since the crafty dullards managed to unscrew the doorknob and snag their "surprise."

You know the drill - STA Travel bags, mp3 players, general chaos: they were going on vacation. But where? Everyone frantically searched their new luggage until someone had the bright idea of reading the attached itinerary. Turns out they were all headed to Fiji. Or as they said it, "FIJI!!!!!!!" The room devolved into a cacophony of shrieks, yelling, and dry humping as everyone acted as if they had just won $100 million from Powerball. Well, everyone but Sarah who was still rummaging through her bag for perhaps a wayward dildo. Someone had to actually fill her in. How did she not know? Could she not hear the six other idiots bouncing and screaming all around her? Well, not to fear. Sarah was soon jumping around like a Price Is Right winner after a successful round of Plinko. Scabies or no scabies, no one could take away this very special, dumb moment. Now only one question remains. Will the inevitable vacation fight ever be able to top last season's epic brawl in Greece? Methinks not!

Posted by B-side on January 13, 2005 1:05 AM