Sadly, at the outset of this week's episode, it appeared as though no devious schemes involving close quarters and cutlery would be coming to fruition. Instead, MTV and the roomies had different plans: skinny dipping! Now don't start scouring this site for salacious screencaps. All this talk about swimming in the buff surfaced before we had even left Philly. Surprisingly enough, Shavonda spearheaded the Pro Skinny Dipping resolution, and as Landon and others packed their bags, she all but stuck a clipboard and signup sheet in everyone's face, asking if they were "up for skinny dipping?" Yes, nothing says spontaneous fun like a carefully orchestrated frolic in the sea. Normally, when you think of skinny dipping, you think of free-flowing booze, lost inhibitions, and spontaneous antics. Who else fears this Fiji trip will wind up with Shavonda blowing a whistle and yelling "Landon! Clothes - off! NOW! GET IN THE WATER!!! Who's next? SARAH!!! I don't have all day people!"

Of course, Shavonda was able to use this whole skinny dipping proposition as a platform to talk about herself. "I'm living life as Shavonda, not Shavonda and Shaun," she explained. I'd personally like to see her live as Shavonda and Shaun, only because the arguments with herself would be priceless. Okay, well, I guess she was being a little more figurative than that. Shavonda proved that she was ready for independence by... calling up Shaun and asking for his permission to skinny dip? Are you kidding me? Many flags popping up here. 1) Shavonda's going to do it anyway; so why bother ask for her boyfriend's input? Oh that's right. Now she can get mad at him later on when he expresses disappointment. 2) Why does Shaun object to the skinny dipping when his girlfriend already lives in a house with communal showers, infrared cameras, and a built in audience of a few million people?

Luckily, all Shaun/Shavonda drama was kept at a minimum as the producers clearly did not want to waste any valuable airtime that could go to cutaway shots of crabs, waves, and palm trees later on. The next morning, everyone arose early to catch the flight. MJ commented that they were going to be flying longer than they work in a week. Honestly, a commuter flight to Pittsburgh would last longer than their work week.

The kids all piled into an airport shuttle that looked eerily like their Philadelphia Soul transport. Could it be that the company was eagerly sending the roommates out of the country - a corporate gesture on par with brushing dirt under the carpet? Probably not, but feel free to spread that rumor. With all the burgeoning excitement in the vehicle, Willie decided to leave his mark on the episode by pulling out some random passive aggression on Karamo. "This is the first road trip Karamo's been on time for! Ha ha ha," joked Willie. At this point Melanie laughed to herself: "Using up all your PA before getting to Fiji? Amateur..."

Eventually everyone made their way to the airport, and based on the footage of the plane taking off, it appears as though Philly has suddenly become mountainous and littered with palm trees. Question: do scabies count as a carry on? Anyway, upon arrival at the beautiful island destination, Shavonda informed us that "everyone says 'Boola!'" which means "hello!" Actually, it probably means "Go away, heathen!" but whatever.

The buddies all motored in to their island getaway on a little boat which was promptly attacked by a tribe of natives. Seriously. Well, sort of seriously. Apparently Bunim/Murray had borrowed some of Survivor's leftover native actors to scare/entertain the white folk. Was I the only one who became intensely excited to see a tribesman charging Landon with a spear? Alas, this Disney version of a siege quickly devolved into laughter and "Boola!"s as the once proud warriors scuttled to help the kids find their accommodations.

Ah, the unbridled beauty of Fiji. If there ever was a time to embrace nature, this would be it. "The sunset is going to be so pretty here," said a wistful Willy. Hey, you're on the Real World. Stop appreciating your surroundings! "We're going to the bar!" Shavonda responded, quickly putting an end to Willie's silly ramblings. That's more like it!

That night, after the sun had gone down, Sarah suddenly remembered that she had the carefully manufactured image of a slut to fulfill. You see, she came into the season announcing how sexual she was, but as far as we can tell, her most exciting Saturday night so far was when she cleaned the house and fought with Landon. Rule of thumb with Real World cast members: they are always exactly the opposite of what they portend to be. Trishelle: I'm such a sweet girl! (slut). Sarah: I'm such a slut! (Where's my vibrator?).

Posted by B-side on January 20, 2005 4:28 PM