Meanwhile, Wes described the Melinda-smooch to his gossip-starved roomates in the living room. Lacey and Johanna relished the opportunity to hear of Melinda's skank-alicious ways (even though the entire kiss was far from skanky), and of course Wes was more than happy to make it seem like they had done the nasty right there on the sidewalk. When asked how long they kissed, Wes smiled with faux-modesty and answered, "There was a good quality of time." So apparently four seconds counts as a good quality of time now. This reminded me of the season premiere when Johanna gave Danny a little peck on the lips and then reported to her friend at home that she'd actually made out with him. What a bunch of delusional drunkards. Thank you, Bunim/Murray. Thank you.

Well, armed with info that could possibly a) cause drama in the house; and b) break up Danny and Melinda; and c) cause even more drama, Lacey began her quietly passive aggressive campaign against Mel. "Why was that happening?" she asked Wes in regards to their kiss. Honestly, she didn't really want to know the answer. She just wanted someone else to say "Melinda's a flirt. She's not good for Danny." That way she could then repeat that to Danny and, well, like I said, drama ensues. But in the meantime, let's consider for a moment just how scary it is that when Lacey wears no makeup, she looks EXACTLY LIKE WES. I can't stare any longer. It's freakin' me out.

After the commercial break, we returned to our buddies all waking up early (1 PM probably) to meet videographers Jenn and PJ. (In case you forgot, the Real Worlders are supposed to shoot a crappy little documentary this season). Anyway, it should come as no surprise to anyone that absolutely none of the roommates were capable of being ready on time, something that supremely bothered army vet Rachel. Yeah, what's the deal with "punctuality" anyway? Is that like a virtue or something? Psssh. Whatever. Well, everyone finally arrived at the lair of PJ and Jenn -- a.k.a. Gender Bender Manor. She looks like a guy, he talks like a girl, and I'm pretty sure there was a hermaphrodite hanging out somewhere in the back.

Just when you thought things couldn't be more fascinating than Jenn's odd resemblance to Zach Braff, we then got to watch the various roommates do such complicated things as holding a camera and... holding a microphone and... pressing the little red button on said camera. Yes, this will be the most challenging job yet.

While taking a break from this all-too-stressful activity, Johanna and Lacey told Rachel that her whole "punctuality" thing was a real buzz kill. This of course led to a cursory "Well, in the army, we had to be punctual..." type explanation from Rachel who then noted, "I had no idea that the army affected my life this much." We then immediately cut away to yet another military statue. You see! That just proves how much the army has affected her life! She actually turned into a statue!

Back at the mansion, we stumbled upon the McLaughlin Group, except instead of John McLaughlin, we had Nehemiah, and instead of Eleanor Clift, we had Rachel. And instead of a general knowledge of current events, we had idiocy. Yes, the Real Worlders were talkin' politics again, and amazingly, the subject did not immediately veer into whether or not the Iraq war makes you horny. Instead, Nehemiah babbled about hating the war, Rachel babbled about loving the war, Danny babbled about terrorism, and OH MY GOD. These people are IDIOTS. Eventually, Nehemiah made the ballsiest/stupidest move. He told Rachel, "You weren't there. You were a nurse." Uh oh. This is gonna be good!

Sure enough, Rachel got the ole index finger out and began pointing up a storm full of "I WAS THERE!" and "DON'T TELL ME" and "WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?" Okay, maybe not the last one, but still, she was pissed off, and I couldn't blame her. Nehemiah was pretty dumb for saying what he did, but then again, it wasn't nearly as dumb as Kelly from Amazing Race 7, who accused her POW boyfriend Ron of wanting to be captured so that he could get out of his military service early. Man, moronic military accusations are pretty awesome. I really want someone to go up to Bob Dole and say, "The only reason you served in the military was so you could hold a pen the rest of your life, asshole."

"YOU WERE NOT THERE at the buffet. Really good beef stroganoff."

Anyway, with Rachel having brought up several undeniable points, Nehemiah simply stared at her and asked, "You done?" Ah yes, a classic Real World defense. When you can't think of anything to say but still want to make the other person feel lame, simply ask, "You done?" or "Is that all?" Nothing is more searing than the accusation of garrulousness! Advantage: Nehemiah.

Later, Nehemiah went out to dinner with Melinda who expressed shock at his accusations towards Rachel. "I was like, 'Oh my gad!'" she said in full midwestern glory. She then added, "Oh geez" and "I'm ganna go look at this jab appartunity and then maybe watch the Ascars. Anyone want some corn on the cab?"

Well, after having a nice talk with Mel about "the comment", Nehemiah went home and wrote an apology letter. Awww... And then Rachel read it and hugged and kissed him. Awwww... And then they talked about how they were both wrong. Wait, wait, wait. What the hell was this?? These two handled the situation maturely. WTF?? I expected at least another five minutes of finger wagging and nonsensical shouting. Maybe some knife play. I'm so disgusted, I can't even blog about it.

Posted by B-side on July 14, 2005 9:31 AM