I've Got Poop That Jingle-Jangle-Jingles - 
by B-side
Yes, Larry was in quite the mood that day because not long after putting Danny in his place, he then fulfilled the wishes of so many Real World viewers by randomly flinging a horse turd at Johanna. Everyone Loves Throwing Poop at a Spicy Latina!
Oh, but it didn't stop there. I'll let Larry explain: "One of the things you don't want to do is get into a poop war." Yes, Larry, I think that's a bit of an understatement. Furthermore, do "poop wars" happen often? Because that seems highly unsanitary. Rachel then piped up, "I served in the poop war. You don't know what it was like. I WAS THERE, OKAY?!?!?!" Actually, no that didn't happen, but Larry did throw another piece of manure, this time at Danny (yes!). "Can't wait to call home, tell them I picked up shit all day," complained the Bostonian. "You can write home and tell them you know shit," replied Larry. Wow. The cowboy strikes again! Can Larry move in with the cast? You know, just to insult and fling poop at them from time to time? Think about it, Bunim/Murray. Think about it.
That evening, the guys decided to try out the hot tub. (Yes, this authentic "camping" experience came equipped with a sauna. Something tells me the producers made Larry install it before the kids came over.) A sad and lonely Nehemiah announced that he'd officially lost his wingmen now that Wes and Danny had become involved in Wren and Melinda, respectively. Too bad. This will really put a crimp on Neh's patented move of going to a bar and NOT SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL.
Meanwhile, Danny had larger problems than Nehemiah's wingman shortage. He explained to Wes and Neh his concerns that he wouldn't get to sample all the girls of Austin, but he also didn't want to mess things up with Melinda and OH MY GOD. END THIS STORY LINE. NO ONE CARES. Luckily, we knew excitement was on the horizon as the Austin Gestapo that is Lacey marched quietly by the boys, carefully collecting any bits of stray gossip for future drama instigation.
Sure enough, it only took a few scant seconds for Lacey to work her magic as she apparently told Melinda about how in the kitchen Danny had talked about having spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle (the cowboy term for wanting to play the field). WELL. The next day, after everyone had safely returned to the boozy comforts of the Real World mansion, Melinda called her friend and said she was pissed that Danny had spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle. After all, her spurs merely jingled, and only to the tune of "Let's have sex, Dyyaaannny!"
Meanwhile, back in the other relationship story we don't care about, Wes was once again pining over Wren, saying that he was completely driven to her. I simply don't understand this spell she's got over him. Maybe she's enticed him with the promise of a sillier, more uneven bowl-cut. Nevertheless, after a long night of drinking at The Dizzy Rooster, Wes explained to Rachel that something was missing on the Wren front. For some reason, she just didn't satisfy Wes the way he wanted her to. Rachel's response: "I'm gonna piss in my pants." And with that, the two simply charged into adjoining stalls and peed. It kinda felt like they were reenacting that one scene in Big Business. Rachel was definitely Bette Midler; so I guess Wes was Lily Tomlin. Seems oddly appropriate.
Elsewhere in the mansion, Melinda futzed around on the computer, possibly jingle-jangle-jingling her spurs in an illicit internet chatroom. Danny soon appeared by her side, and when she reacted coolly to his presence, he asked why she was so crabby. Well, she's got a lot on her mind, she said. Stuff that she hasn't figured out yet -- like cold fusion and the mysteries of pi. Okay, maybe not that, but point was that she was distant and aloof, effectively angering our boy Danny. You see, it's acceptable for him to act standoffish and uncommunicative, but not Melinda. Duh.
"I'm just thinking about things, and it's nothing bad," said Melinda as her man became increasingly testy. Danny then headed to the door and said he'd leave her alone until she felt better, but before he left, he casually asked the asshole question, "Do you know roughly how long that's gonna take?" Gosh Danny, I don't know. She's scheduled to have an emotional thawing in two hours, but she might have to push that back for a late afternoon meeting with "frustration," "self-doubt," and "crying."
Nevertheless, the scene slowly devolved into another run-of-the-mill relationship talk that literally made no sense. I mean, I could not even follow it. Logic was completely absent. Somehow, after all this babbling about rushing into the relationship too fast and being held back from the many splendors of Austin, Danny wound up saying, "I'm scared of losing you." Whaa? You know what? Just go away. I'm sick of this nonsense.
Even Danny's bored with this storyline.
Luckily, next week's episode looks promising with its images of Johanna getting carted off to jail. Then again, I wouldn't get too excited. Johanna revealed the backstory behind this incarceration at CSUN, but in the interest of keeping this a spoiler-free zone, I'll just bite my tongue until Tuesday night.
What did you think about this episode?
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Comments
I missed this one- but I felt like I was there. I woke my family laughing out loud.
Posted by: craftylady | September 18, 2005 4:25 AM(#1 of 38)
After reading your recap, I'm glad I haven't been wasting my precious reality tv time with this cast of pathetic losers.
Posted by: Pedro was Real- This Cast is Not | September 18, 2005 9:31 AM(#2 of 38)
hello..hi
Posted by: ghulam sarwar mujaz | September 18, 2005 9:55 AM(#3 of 38)
this season, we've been fully entertained (yawn)with the love story that is melindanny.
what's that, you say? they're fighting about the status of their relationship again? looks like the shit's about to hit the fan (Zing!)this time! oh no, wait..danny just tells some pathetic lie (and he's a BAD liar) about how he's scared of losing mel.
you know what i'm scared of, danny? bombs and terrorists... oh, and the sound of your voice
Posted by: kell | September 18, 2005 10:28 AM(#4 of 38)
Hilarious recap. I loved it. Keep up the good work B-Side.
Posted by: Sam | September 18, 2005 11:11 AM(#5 of 38)
one word for the real world austin- BOOOOOORING!
the sad thing is that I will still watch every stupid episode. Kelly kell kell....i'm glad i'm not the only one who can't stand hearing Danny speak. No offense bostonians. It just hurts my ears!
Posted by: hello, is it me you're looking for? i can see it in your eyes.... | September 18, 2005 11:14 AM(#6 of 38)
hello---
yeah, his voice is pahhhsitively ear-piercing..
i've been to boston several times..nobody i've met sounds as annoying as he does..i bet the RW cast directors met with him and said, "yeah, your interview was great, but could you be a little more vocal with your accent? just overexaggerate it a little"
Posted by: kell | September 18, 2005 11:34 AM(#7 of 38)
Was this the first Springsteen reference in a TVgasm post? I'm impressed.
Anyway, God, this show is boring.
Posted by: J | September 18, 2005 12:52 PM(#8 of 38)
Yeah I've given up on this season... Wes has to be one of the most unlikable RW cast members of all time. He's not even unlikable in an entertaining way as some of the other cast members have been.
And what's with the weird comments for this recap?
Posted by: jt | September 18, 2005 1:21 PM(#9 of 38)
^if you're referring to mine, i apologize (btw, i said "hello" because i was addressing the person with the really long username who responded to my post), I just don't know how much more of this show I can take..I swear, EVERY episode is the SAME plot in a different setting: danny and melinda, questioning their relationship, wes being a lame dick, lacey spying on somebody, johanna talking loudly and slurring her words, neihmiah complaining about his "boys," and rachel..finding some way to make us hate her even more
Posted by: kell | September 18, 2005 4:17 PM(#10 of 38)
This season started off incredibly with the debut episode, but it fizzled and died out quickly. I couldn't watch 5 minutes of this episode. Thank God for the recaps so I can rest assured that I didn't miss a damn thing. THIS CAST SUCKS!... YAWNS!!!
Posted by: bacardi | September 18, 2005 4:34 PM(#11 of 38)
The "spicy latina" and "cotton candy ice cream" references never get old- I still laugh out loud when you slip them somewhere in the recap!
Posted by: lynn | September 18, 2005 5:24 PM(#12 of 38)
What was up with Wren's bar dancing? If that's not a stripper in training (or on a lunch break from her daily employment)I dont know what is. She looked so overly sensual and weird. I hear there are fun bars in Austin but this show ain't doin nothing for them.
Posted by: leah3t | September 18, 2005 7:30 PM(#13 of 38)
Finding your site just made my work WEEK! I hide my Real World watching from anyone over 18 for obvious reasons, so reading your recaps reaffirmed my gut feelings about the cast. Keep up the great work, you're entertaining the masses!
Posted by: k37744 | September 19, 2005 6:47 AM(#14 of 38)
Yea this episode was a little boring. I cant wait until I see Jo get arrested!
Wren reallly didn't seem to care that Wes kissed another girl. I think she just pretends to like him to get some air time. I mean, come on, who in their right mind would like Wes???
Posted by: ali | September 19, 2005 7:18 AM(#15 of 38)
Does Danny not wear a Red Sox hat because he can't find a short-brimmed one?
Posted by: Tom | September 19, 2005 8:05 AM(#16 of 38)
Can you spare some change, Army Vet?!? Ouch! Made me laugh though! All the crazyiness going on in the world right now and these people are total idiots. They have nothing to contribute to our society. The "Real World" is as out of touch as our President is. Come ON Bunim/Murray!!! Is this the same crew that found Pedro?! You can do better.
Posted by: GatahBaby | September 19, 2005 8:35 AM(#17 of 38)
This season is really boring, but the recaps make it bearable. I love the picture that says even Danny is bored with his story line. It's great. Keep up the good work.
You guys should read the laguna beach recaps he does. They are even better!!
Posted by: Emily | September 19, 2005 8:44 AM(#18 of 38)
My friend turned me on to your site-now I have something fun to do at work! I have to admit I am hooked on this show, and now it is better than Big Brother with those 2 at the end. Anyway-I had to rewind the whole Wes kiss a couple of times to understand Danny's drunken drawl, but I thought he said--"But she's not EVEN good-lookin' dude" And Wes says "I know!" This makes more sense,because if she was anything more than a dog, his drunk ass would have been all over her. I mean, she must have looked worse than Wren, huh?
Posted by: Lori | September 19, 2005 10:09 AM(#19 of 38)
Brilliant recap - Hillarious!
Where the heck are Ruthie, Dan, Flora, Puck and the other mentally insane ex cast members?? We need a good laugh!
Posted by: Riff | September 19, 2005 11:55 AM(#20 of 38)
u guys crack me up! Do u have an agent? Have u two written anything?
Posted by: Steve | September 19, 2005 12:22 PM(#21 of 38)
Steve -- no agent.
Just thousands of adoring fans. Mwahahaha.
Posted by: B-Side | September 19, 2005 12:28 PM(#22 of 38)
I cannot believe you referenced "Big Business." Simply amazing. Ahahahah.
Posted by: Melissa | September 19, 2005 1:28 PM(#23 of 38)
Steve -
Y? R U an agent? If U R, holla at U boyz! j/k!
; )
Posted by: sg-dub | September 19, 2005 1:54 PM(#24 of 38)
You know, I check this website for its re-cap and comments every week, and it seems as though both this week are particularly harsh and negative. So I was going to post something to that effect, and counter it all with a compliment towards the show. Unfortunately, I can't come up with one, really...um,...Danny's hot! There! He may be aggravating, but I wouldn't throw him out of bed! Okay...I feel better. Carry on.
Posted by: Danielle | September 19, 2005 1:58 PM(#25 of 38)
yes the melinda and danny sotry lines is too old, cant something interesting happen on this show?
and its crazy how danny is missing "experience" bc of melinda-what experience? hooking up at the dizzy rooster-danny u r DUMB
im glad larry kicked dannys a**(not literaly)
also i love ur recaps.
Posted by: whocares | September 19, 2005 3:24 PM(#26 of 38)
Does anyone else notice that Danny has developed a habit of always covering his face? I wonder if he did that before the broken skull? and correction to all you folks typing w e s it's actually wesssssssssss. see ya fuckers!!
Posted by: yippie-ky-yay...yippie-ky-aye | September 19, 2005 6:30 PM(#27 of 38)
In case anyone hasn't seen this, it's David from the NOLA cast talking about being visited by the ghost of harmonica man. See what happens to you when you swear out alcohol.
http://tinyurl.com/8k2wo
He really, REALLY takes himself seriously.
Posted by: Tom | September 20, 2005 7:27 AM(#28 of 38)
Is this trip to the ranch the big Real World vacation for the year? The producers have gotten as bored with this show as we watchers have and decided to send the kids down the gravel road to a ranch instead of sending them on a plane trip to another country this year. I'm sure that isn't the case, but we can hope.
Rick D.
Posted by: Rick D. | September 20, 2005 8:18 AM(#29 of 38)
I think camping is becoming part of the formula nowadays-- didn't the San Diego cast go camping while we watched another equally boring conversation about Cammy and that guy whose name escapes me?
Posted by: Leah3t | September 20, 2005 1:35 PM(#30 of 38)
This episode was kind of boring. Watching the roomies throw crap at each other and seeing more Danny/Melinda drama that I'm growing a little tired of.
This season has its equally good and bad moments. The 7 roommates are somewhat entertaining, but Danny and Melinda's relationship is growing old and redundant, Lacey is an irritating gossip that needs to be punched, Wes is one of the biggest idiots I've seen on the series, and Johanna can be just an obnoxious drunk. Rachel's not that bad and Nehemiah was cool at first, but Wes rubbed off on him and he became a dick.
But, I still keep watching.:}. These recaps make it worth it.
Posted by: hollabackboy | September 22, 2005 12:10 PM(#31 of 38)
Rachel is a cunt in camouflage.
Posted by: bacardi | September 22, 2005 5:32 PM(#32 of 38)
Don't know much about Wren (who does?), but what's with all the doggin on her? Don't hate her just cause she can dance and you probably can't. Jealousy is an ugly accessory.
And I don't remember who said it, but I ALSO don't think Wren *really* cared about Wes kissing that girl. She had the same expression I would've had if I were telling the truth in that situation.
And yeah, that's pretty much it. Not enough drama in this episode to have anything worthwhile to say. :p Til next week. ~Holly
Posted by: Holly | September 23, 2005 12:05 AM(#33 of 38)
I laughed so f'in hard reading this recap. Danny Downer is ridiculous!
I live in Austin and the dizzy rooster is LAME. No one cool would go to any of the places they go. The producers should have given them a damn car so they could go somewhere besides Sixth Street.
Posted by: carbs | September 24, 2005 4:39 PM(#34 of 38)
WHERES THe new RECAP
hi hello cmon hurry up
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPpooo
Posted by: whocares | September 25, 2005 6:18 AM(#35 of 38)
SERIOUSLY every episode is taken place in the dizzy rooster.. lame
Posted by: whocares | September 26, 2005 1:30 PM(#36 of 38)
They go to the dizzy rooster I believe because they will get their asses kicked if they went anywhere else. MTV must've deemed that place as their safe haven. Rewind back to the first episode to understand what i'm talking about.
Posted by: bacardi | September 28, 2005 3:29 PM(#37 of 38)
Holly, Wren can NOT dance. She swayed around with a stupid look on her face. Also, you must be confused. No one is "dogging" on Wren. She's just a dog. And why did you sign off "until next time?" No one's interested in your faux witty comments. B-Side is completely on target with every snide remark he makes. In conclusion, Wren sucks. Much like the cast.
Au revoir.
Posted by: gah | September 30, 2005 5:43 PM(#38 of 38)