The big show kicked off at the Real World house -- also known to the public as The Dizzy Rooster. Yes, these kids spend so much time at this stupid bar, I've become convinced that they might just have bunk beds in the back. I'm fairly surprised Bunim/Murray didn't outfit the place with hidden cameras and funky pool noodles. Nevertheless, Johanna told us that she likes Leo now because she realizes that she'd put up a big emotional barrier. But that wall came down last week when L-Dawg picked Jo Jo up from the slammah. Aww. We all know how that goes. Boy meets girl. Boy loves girl. Girl robs a homeless person. Boy gets girl out of jail. It's a classic romance. I'm pretty sure Rob Reiner's already optioned the rights.

Unfortunately for Johanna, there was a small problem. A small, blonde problem to be specific. Turns out Leo had another girl in his life, and her name was Courtney. What's up with these guys at the Dizzy Rooster? First Rachel falls for a bouncer who's got a secret girl on the side, and now Leo suddenly has a sweet piece of ass waiting for him too. Next thing you know, Lacey's gonna try to hook up with the Dizzy Rooster's short order cook, only to find he has a harem of mistresses in his van. Of course, when Rob Reiner makes this movie, Courtney's only going to be Leo's sister, and it will all be just one big misunderstanding, and Bruno Kirby will walk in and say, "Wait, you didn't know?" and then Meg Ryan will try to make things better, but by then Billy Crystal will be mad, and then Carrie Fisher will be like "But you love her, Leo!" and then they'll meet in Central Park, and some old 1940s Louie Armstrong song will play and they'll have some cute banter like "You know, you really piss me off, Jo," and Meg Ryan will smile and say, "That's because you're a real dizzy rooster, Leo," and then they'll kiss. The End. Opening weekend box office: $1.3 million.

Anyhoo, as Johanna left the bar, she did seem to have a surprisingly reasonable reaction to everything: "I brought this upon myself. I know it." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not talk crazy here. You do remember that you're a reality star, right? You're not supposed to have "mature" perspectives. Nothing is your fault when you're on The Real World. Don't you realize that? If I see you taking responsibility for something again, I'm going to start a letter writing campaign to keep you off any new Inferno challenges.

And yet, despite my admonitions, Johanna kept up with this "responsibility" kick. Regarding how she pushed Leo away into the arms of Courtney, Johanna said, "I'm ready to deal with it." For the record, Johanna's version of "dealing with it" tends to involve an entire box of Franzia, five shots of Jagermeister, a tallboy of PBR, some vanilla extract, and a quick mouthful of Listerine.

Things might have been bad for Johanna, but they were worse for Wes. You see, he just couldn't sit by and watch Joey play games with Leo. That man did not deserve to have his heart toyed about, explained Wes. So let's see. In Wes World, it's not cool for Johanna to be indecisive with Leo, but it's more than acceptable for Danny to toy with Melinda's heart by going out and getting other girls' numbers. Seems kind of odd. After all, Johanna's actions stem from deep insecurities and a fear of emotional vulnerability whereas Danny's actions stem from wanting to stroke his ego and an undying need for attention. Clearly Johanna is in the wrong.

Anyway, the next night, it was back to The Dizzy Rooster (sigh) for more drama. "When I drink, and we're at the bar, I try to keep my distance from Leo," Jo-Jo explained; although, her plan went somewhat awry considering we saw her chatting it up with Leo in the VERY NEXT SHOT. There's the self-delusion we know and love! Welcome back, Johanna.

Well, Joey wanted to keep her distance from Leo so badly that she grabbed him by the hand and literally dragged him onto the dance floor. Seriously, the dude even fell down, and she still dragged him on. Did we mention that Leo's sort of a pussy? Later, the two maybe-lovebirds had some excellent banter:

Johanna: Courtney might be coming. I don't want to ruin your game.

Leo: I don't have a game.

Johanna: Oh come on. We all have games.

Leo: Oh, we all do? Well, uh, I guess we do.

Nice badinage Leo! You really stuck it to her in the end there. Nevertheless, the two nuzzled noses and were about to kiss when (insert record screeching to a halt) Wes totally cockblocked to say they had curfew in five minutes. Poor form, douchebag. I mean, this was the utter definition of cockblock.

Posted by B-side on September 29, 2005 3:38 PM