Well, the band had arrived in town, which meant it was time to get the interview on. Of course this excited dearest Lacey who sent out an immediate ENON page to Melinda and Danny. And when they didn't respond, she paged them again. And again. I'm surprised she didn't have a flock of Enon carrier pigeons ready, maybe even an Enon version of the Bat Signal. To her credit, she was doing the correct, professional thing, unlike Danny who balked at the first page, saying, "You gotta be kidding me!" Yeah, what are the odds that if you eat lunch during the time when the bands are arriving that the bands will, you know, arrive?

Sucks for Danny and Melinda because they totally missed out on Matt from Enon stepping out of a van. OMG! I think I'm going to faint. MAAATTT!!!! Over here! Over here! Will you sign my laptop?? Yes, it was like reliving A Hard Day's Night, except instead of The Beatles, we had Enon, and instead of raving fans, we had Wes with a boom microphone. And for the record, Matt from Enon pretty much looked like a shaggier, grungier version of Stan Zimmerman from Situation: Comedy. I know there are about three people out there that get the reference, so to them I say, you're welcome.

With Danny and Melinda MIA on the video shoot, Nehemiah was fuming. You see, he was all about professionalism when it came to documentaries because, after all, this was his chosen vocation. If people on his crew weren't acting the way they should have been, he feared the overall quality of the product would decline. "I don't like to put my name on anything that's horrible," Neh said. So we'll just overlook his My-First-Movie ode to Wes featuring every colorful font and wipe available on the computer.

As for Danny and Melinda, they were having the best afternoon ever. I mean, they were wrestling on the sidewalk, being dumb, and generally doing whatever they could to make angry Austin-ites want to come at them with fists of fury after a long night of drinking. Eventually, they arrived at the Enon shoot, but that didn't stop them from complaining about their stupid job. Lacey would have none of it though as she moaned to her buds, "Danny and Melanie [sic] need to stop being boyfriend and girlfriend for two seconds." Yeah, or how about for an entire season? By the way, the name's Melinda. I guess Lacey was still buzzing from the contact high with Enon.

The sheer force of Danny's idiocy knocks over Melinda.

I guess at the end of the day, whether or not you continue reading the rest of this recap, this whole episode could be summed up by Nehemiah who at this time announced, "Danny and Melinda are retarded." I can't argue with that. In fact, as the second half of the show began, Neh's words rang truer and truer with each passing second. You see, after the gang was done with Enon, it was time to focus on Halifax. Something of a hybrid of A Simple Plan, The All-American Rejects, Yellowcard, Hoobastank, and any other teen-pop, SoCal punk band, Halifax were young and happy to be on TV, and guess who had a man-crush on them? That's right. Danny. It didn't take long for the surly Bostonian to pop a boner about getting some drinks with the band (to be fair, Wes joined in this Halifax love-fest), but the only catch: no drinking on the job. Puhhhleeeeaasee. This is The Real World, not the real world.

Well, after a surprise appearance by Paul Steckler (he just wanted to say that it was past his bedtime. That purdy hair don't primp itself in the morning), Wes and Danny headed out to the bars with Halifax under the assumption that socializing with their subjects would improve their rapport and make for better interviews. Let me tell you something: You don't have to butter these guys up with booze. This band will have an awesome rapport with anyone as long as they've got access to free MTV publicity. Well, Nehemiah asked Johanna where Wes and Danny were, and she casually responded, "Oh, they're drinking with Halifax." Yeah man, it's all good. Anything with booze is just a walk in the park for Johanna. I can imagine her as a daycare worker. "Your toddler? Oh, he's just throwing back some shots with the three-year-olds. No worries."

Obviously, Nehemiah was quite upset with this news, and as he and Lacey returned to the house, the two bitched and moaned about the guys. "I think they've never had a real job is the problem," suggested Lacey. I would agree. Also, they're incredibly dumb. Nehemiah then said he was about to erupt, and while I got excited over the prospect of another shouting match (we need one about every other week, in my opinion. And as Rachel showed us, it's best to include threats to eat a fajita too), I'll just spare you the anticipation and say that Neh's eventual meltdown was rather short and snippy. But we'll get to that later.

Meanwhile, out at the bars, Melinda decided to follow in her boyfriend's footsteps and also enjoy herself with Halifax - but wait a second. That's just not cool. I mean, Danny's allowed to talk to the guys and be buddy buddy, but when Melinda laughs at their jokes, well, I think we all know what that makes her: a selfish bitch. Danny explained: "I'm not the jealous type, but..." but you're jealous. By the way, the first sign of being "the jealous type": getting jealous. The second sign: saying you're not jealous. The third sign: your name is Danny and you're an idiot.

Posted by B-side on October 10, 2005 4:48 PM