You Better Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself - 
by B-side
In case you haven't noticed, it's exactly seven days since the last Real World: Austin aired. And in case you haven't noticed, the recap is going up today. Why the delay? Well, actually, I hadn't even seen this episode until earlier this morning. Simple logistics, I tell you. But it actually works out okay because this latest installment ends with a cliffhanger of epic proportions, so if anything, this tardy recap will do nothing but whet your appetites for tonight's big showdown. I hope. And by the way, I'm not really sure if the episode ended with a cliffhanger since the Tivo cut off the last minute, but with all the drama swirling around Lacey, I'd have a hard time believing anything could be wrapped up in sixty seconds. Then again, this is the Real World. Stranger things have happened.
So this episode was the sort of show I love. Nothing too major happened, but the drama was petty, lighthearted, and enjoyable. No ponderous Danny/Melinda issues for us to labor through. The show opened up in the midst of the South by Southwest festival, and in case we had forgotten what this event was all about, the producers, who were probably contractually bound, slapped a nifty title card on the screen: "Now in its 18th year, South by Southwest showcases more than 1000 bands from all over the world." Okay, that was nice and everything, but don't try to make us think this episode is actually going to be a serious look at the SXSW festival. We've seen the previews. We know it's all about Lacey talking smack behind people's backs.
Nevertheless, we caught up with the gang amidst the chaos of the festival as they interviewed various bands and concert-goers on the street. "We just met Robert Plant," said one happy person, to which Rachel smiled, "Great..." Okay, she has no idea who Robert Plant is. She only knows celebrities of the cotton candy ice cream world.
We then moved into a Halifax concert where camera man Wes explained the visceral joy of having the lead singer's sweat and beer dripping on the camera lens. "It can't get any more real than that moment right there." And so began Wes's pièce de résistance: "Liquids Falling On A Camera Lens," -- now showing exclusively at the Angelica Theatre.
Well, everyone seemed to be loving Halifax. Everyone but Lacey, that is. "I still think they totally suck," she complained to us. Now why would she say that? Just because they are completely generic and forgettable? That's cruel, Lacey. Afterwards, Rachel found the band outside and flirted with Tommy and Mike, the drummer and lead singer, respectively. Sorry guys. Before you get the Penny Lanes, you gotta start with the Real Worlders.
Anyway, the kiddos all went back to the house, and guess who came over to hang out and drink? Halifax! Lacey didn't think it was very professional, and she was right, but hey, it's not like this doc is going to be submitted to Sundance (sorry Nehemiah). As the booze continued to flow, the emotions ran wild, causing Rachel to tell us in the confessional that she might have the hots for lead singer Mike. "Mike and I have a lot in common and a lot to talk about," she glowed. Cut to their conversation: "Your dumb girlfriend sent ice cream in the mail too?? Wow!" Actually, we did cut to them, but they were in the confessional, being drunk and babbling to the camera. "So this is my Jewish friend," Rachel said. It's already a match made in heaven. After all, according to her t-shirt, Everyone Loves a Jewish Girl! And Urban Outfitters!
Memo to all readers: stop wearing the "Everyone Loves..." t-shirts.
You can see how much he loves this Jewish girl.
Sadly, the romantic confessional was somewhat dampened by Mike's pure determination to promote his band. Basically, he blurted out Halifax's website. "You're plugging? Oh my gosh, in the confessional?" asked an incredulous Rachel. Uh, you do realize the sole reason these guys came over was to clock in more screen time on MTV, right? As much as I believe they'd want to bask in the glow of such luminaries as Wes, something tells me that without the cameras, Halifax might've been chilling elsewhere.
Things suddenly took a dramatic, dramatic I tell you, turn when we found out that the mechanical basketball hoop game/machine thing was broken. Turns out that in a drunken haze of stupidity (also known as Tuesday), Rachel had actually hopped into the device. Of course, this royally pissed off Nehemiah, mostly because he's pretty much spent the entire season standing in the corner, shooting hoops. And so we were treated to yet another Nehemiah/Rachel blow up. "I'm stupid," confessed Rachel to guys. "That's not good enough reason. Yeah, obviously. Is that cute? Is that attractive? Is that going to make him like you more?" seethed Nehemiah, who then turned his attention to Mike and yelled, "I don't like you... you're the reason why she jumped in here." So let's revisit some recent Rachel/Nehemiah history: this fight centered on a broken basketball toy. Their last fight centered on Rachel and a fajita. What will the future have in store for them? A heated interchange about AA batteries? Some near-fisticuffs about Hot Pockets? A veritable rhubarb about pencil sharpeners? The possibilities are endless.
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