This week's episode began with our old friend Wren hanging out at a bar with Wes. No word on whether or not this fine establishment was The Dizzy Rooster, but judging by the general cheesiness of the surroundings, I would have to surmise that it was. Anyway, this wunderkind couple seemed somewhat awkward tonight. Perhaps something was afoot? Wren, for one, seemed to be overtaxing her sole brain cell: "I don't understand," she said.

"You don't understand what?" asked Wes.

"You," she replied. Look, Wes is a simple man. There's not much to understand about him: he likes plaid patterns, the occasional vintage shirt, grandiose comments, general poseur behavior, babbling about nothing in particular, and of course, bubbles. Alas, this had been too much for Wren to comprehend, and so she repeatedly rebuffed Wes's approaches, refusing to get serious with him. It's for the better. She could never live up to Wes's first love: Mr. Left Hand.

"I am very, very, very sexually frustrated tonight," Wes complained. You see, he's spent so much time pursuing all these women that he hasn't been able to get anywhere with any of them. (His general lameness might also be a roadblock, but that's neither here nor there.) Anyway, a drunken Johanna managed to speak for all of America when she slurred, "RIght now, you're getting pretty good looking girls; so pick your goddamn fight and pick the good looking girls. Stop going for the shitty a;slkdhfas." Sorry, I couldn't understand what she was saying at the end there. It was some sort of non-distinct JohannaSpeak, which I encourage her to use more often, by the way.

Anyway, the good news for fans of Real World novelty games was that the ol' basketball machine was now fixed. Viewers may remember that a certain drunk roommate (Rachel) had flung herself into the apparatus, perhaps envisioning herself as a basketball of some sort. Well, Rachel's flight of fancy had fatally debilitated this most enjoyable of games, thus sending Nehemiah into a tailspin of rage and self-destruction. Mostly just rage though. But now we can put that dark chapter behind us because we now found Neh tossing basketballs into the hoop anew. Life is good!

Unfortunately for Nehemiah, he was soon joined by Wes, who talked his ear off about, you guessed it, Wren. "I'm down here trying to pursue multiple relationships. Right now, just because Wren's in the lead doesn't mean she's my girlfriend," he said. So do girls have to sign up for this event? Do they get a special jersey? Or a number? And how did Wren get to be in the lead. Were there qualifying trials? Do tell, Wes!

Later, Danny and Melinda waltzed into the living room and announced that the roommies had to watch a documentary Friday night at 8 pm. Of course, Wes balked at this harsh inconvenience (his schedule is VERY busy!), and while it does suck to have to do something work-related on a Friday night, this really wasn't the worst thing ever. In fact, Nehemiah noted that he was quite excited to go to the screening, especially because it could advance his career as a director. "He wants to be on 'Yo! MTV Raps,'" Melinda joked. Of course, Melinda herself is looking to pioneer the new variety show, "Oh My Gad! MTV Wiscansan."

Well, everyone headed out to the screening -- everyone but Wes (and then Danny, who also had an important night of taking inventory of his short-brimmed hats). The kiddos who did get off their asses got to see Dig!, which my friend has been raving about for over a year now. Unfortunately, now if I watch it, people will be all like "Did you see that just because it was on The Real World?" Sorry Dig!, but I'm gonna have to wait another six months.

Anyway, Nehemiah explained that Dig! was about "two bands being best friends, [and] becoming rivals." He then chirped, "Our documentaries are so similar!" Except, you know, Dig! has a narrative and yours, well, looks like My First Music Video. Okay, that's harsh. I haven't even seen their project, so I'll back off. Rumor has it the doc is online at MTV.com, yes? Too lazy to find out, honestly.

Posted by B-side on November 14, 2005 4:29 PM