Meanwhile, inside, Wes expressed his frustration with the proper amount of Kindergarten clarity. "I HATE HER!!" he whined, adding, "She casually mentioned that I was bragging about my sexual conquests with Wren, who, by the way, I banged. I HATE HER!!!" And to prove just how much he hated Rachel, Wes then threw a glass against the wall, shattering it like so many dreams he once had of living happily ever after with his beloved Wren. It's okay, man. Let it all out. Throw that shit against the wall. That'll teach that glass not to betray you!

Out on the street, Johanna tried to talk some sense into Rachel. "Stop crying! Get yourself together! You look like a f*cking idiot!" she scolded, and after a few more sniffles and protests, Rachel finally replied, "Johanna, I can't take it. Johanna, I'd rather sleep in the street." Insert tasteless homeless veteran joke here. Yeah, that's right -- I just made fun of someone's tragic plight. You got a problem with that? Well maybe you should throw a glass against the wall!!

Anyway, Rachel finally returned to the house (where a quietly observant Lacey greeted her -- it's all going in to the Ryan Report) and then called up her boyfriend Erik to vent. Normally, I hate the Erik/Rachel babble, but at least this time it was somewhat informative. We learned what really happened between her and Nehemiah, and I'll just tell you this: it still doesn't make any sense. Apparently, when Nehemiah saw that there was fighting, he instinctually began calling Rachel a whore, and finally, after enough of this, Rachel retorted that at least she didn't go to jail. Oooh. Nice. Well, Nehemiah's comeback was that "at least I didn't go to Iraq and claim I did stuff when I really didn't do anything at all." Hmmm... kind of a low blow. And an uninformed blow too. And, in the grand scheme of things, just a poor insult in general. Hey, remember when Nehemiah was supposed to be the cool one? The rational one? I wonder what happened? Oh, that's right. He began hanging out with Wes. It all makes sense now.

Rachel finds out her cotton candy ice cream was accidentally returned to sender.

Well, the phone call ended with Rachel declaring that she'd never speak to Nehemiah again, which was all nice and naive and stuff (spoiler alert: they've talked. I seen it with mine own eyes!), but then we moved into the other bedroom and found the real victims of this fight: Danny and Melinda. Yes, the lovebirds curled up together on the bed and cuddled, thanking each other for helping them get through this mad, mad house. Oh, such innocent love! To think that it was almost crushed by these wanton barbarians! It would have been a true loss for humanity. But as long as they have each other, they got the world spinnin' right in their hands. Baby, Mel and Danny, they gotta be the luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin'!

The next morning, it was time to ship out, which was pretty cool because a) we didn't have to sit through some lame apology scene, and b) it made for one of the most awkward goodbye episodes ever. Rachel headed out first and didn't even bother to say anything to Wes and Nehemiah. Ouch! Cold! Awesome! But don't worry. Wes was fine with it. "Rachel basically defied my friendship with her last night," he said. Well, it's a good thing that he rationally approached her about the whole situation to find out if maybe he had misinterpreted anything along the way. You know, because friends give each other the benefit of the doubt. Especially when one of them is black-out drunk. But seriously, Rachel defied the friendship.

Wes continued with his idiocy: "I knew she made a mistake. I called her out on it, and I got her back. I made her feel bad." Is that what you do to people who make mistakes? Kind of feels, um, what's the word I'm looking for? Ah yes. IMMATURE.

Next to leave was Nehemiah, but he wasn't really leaving, on account of his court date. You know, for punching out the hot dog guy. What a legacy, Neh. He was followed by Lacey who had a surprise visitor: Ryan! Yay! Reunited! Lacey then suddenly ran upstairs, got on the phone, and called Ryan up to say, "Oh my god. You will never believe this gossip. This is crazy. You are downstairs. I just saw you! You're picking me up! Isn't that wild?"

Anyway, Lacey departed, and up next was Wes, who explained to us, "I am no longer part of a group called the seven strangers. I am part of a group called--" The Crappy Haircut Victims of America? The Dumb Alcoholic Men Who Attack Women Club? The Federation of Men Who Look Like Lacey? Actually no. It was some lame line about seven people who've shared a rich and wonderful experience and blah blah blah -- he was gone.

Posted by B-side on November 25, 2005 1:28 AM