The show began with Tyler ganging up on Svetlana over some stupid thing. Bashing her has pretty much become his raison d'être. He might ascribe it to some "tough love" psychobabble, but I like to think of it as the product of boredom and the need for a power trip. Sort of like how this blog got started. Anyway, Svetlana was getting pretty annoyed with the constant harassment, and she told us, "Sometimes he says things without thinking." Really? A Real World star?? I would never have guessed!

Meanwhile, an anonymous courier arrived at the house with a message. No, it wasn't time for the vacation already (and by the way, of any cast, this one the least needs a vacation. I mean, look at where they are! They had better get sent to Helsinki or something). Anyway, the kids learned that it was time to start the job! Or as I like to call it, "the five hours a week where you show America how incapable you are at the simplest tasks."

Well, Jose was all excited. I mean, of course he was. The kid probably was a finalist in the Apprentice auditions. He LOVES business! Zach, meanwhile, spent the afternoon pondering what the group's job would be. He thought it might be deep sea diving. Others thought it could pertain to art. I was thinking something simpler. You know, like picking up litter on the side of the road.

Later, Tyler and Jose sat out on the porch and talked about how super psyched they were to work. And yes, I too had never seen a Real World cast ever seem more excited about responsibility than drinking. Anyway, Tyler alerted Jose that he would be the first one to crack the whip on Svetlana. After all, she was spoiled. Or maybe not. Sometimes apparently she bragged about being poor and from Brooklyn. Other times she flaunted her new BMW. This perplexed Jose, but it made perfect sense to me: she's a nineteen year old drama queen. This is what they do.

Tyler then said that at some point, everyone should sit down and discuss skills and weaknesses. Um, don't people with skills not go on this show? And I'm not talking about roofing/shingle skills, DANNY. Nevertheless, I can drop my asshole façade for two seconds to appreciate that these people do have discernible talents and abilities. For instance, Tyler can do a high kick really well. And John can speak really loudly and quickly. And Paula can go days without eating. And Jose knows how to be really, really quiet. Hey, they really are a skilled group. This business doesn't know how lucky it is!

Jose and Tyler eventually wrapped up their conversation with Jose noting that no matter what, people are going to bump heads. And this was evidenced by a stray cat scurrying across the deserted Key West streets. Hark! A feline beast of workplace conflict this way comes!!!

And now for something completely different. This hunky dory episode suddenly took a random turn as Janelle announced that the whole gang would be going on a ghost tour. Ooookay. Sometimes you just don't question things that happen on The Real World. Well, everyone headed out into the dark and rainy night to meet with Brant, their instantly annoying tour guide. Within seconds, Svetlana was already scared -- or at least fake scared for attention. Yeah, probably that. Anyway, Brant had barely said "I'm Brant," before her eyes went wide and she began to shiver. Man, if she had seen that stray cat from before -- wow, she'd already be in a fetal position.

By the way, if there job is to lead ghost tours, that would officially make this the easiest and silliest job of all time. (Don't worry, it wasn't their job).

Anyway, the group marched through the wet streets and up to a building that used to be a church. Brant told a story about how the church had burned down, killing seventeen children, and then when it reopened as a cabaret many years later, the audience couldn't hear the singers because the voices had been drowned out by the cries of CHILDREN!! A chill certainly went down my spine! And by that, I mean "I rolled my eyes and laughed."

Posted by B-side on March 17, 2006 1:27 AM