The show opened up at the Pineapple Gallery, which is hopefully only the temporary name of the tanning salon. All the roomies (and their best bud/boss, Ricky) were building booths, painting walls, and installing furniture. It was like a tantastic version of Trading Spaces. At one point, Svetlana commented about the paint, "I wish this blue was not -- like, less bland, and I wish the brown had a bronze in it."

Well, out of nowhere came the brash Tyler we know and love who suddenly yelled, "Why are you talking and not doing something?!?!?!" Discussion of hues is strictly VERBOTEN! He then served up another squash ball of bitchiness by saying, "If you worked half as hard as you run your mouth, we'd be a lot further. END OF CONVERSATION."

"I can't speak when I work?" Svetlana then asked. Duh! Of course not! Because then Tyler wouldn't have an excuse to make a scene! Idiot.

Later, Svetlana, Jose, and Ricky took a little ride to the bank where they talked about things like responsibility and work and stuff. Svetty said that she wanted to prove that she could be responsible and a manager -- after all, she had excelled in her parents' pharmacy and 3-D imaging center. "I obviously proved myself to my dad. I'm 19 years old, and I manage this huge facility," she said. Okay, she makes it sound like she single-handedly runs a Costco in her free time. Besides, is it really that much of a coup to nab a job in your parents' store?

After the little bank excursion, everyone gathered together and decided to have a group dinner on Sunday so they could talk about the business and their goals and their roles. Yay! Fledgling business! Entrepreneurs of tomorrow! Tantastic women for years to come! Everything was going along all hunky-dory until suddenly Zach announced that he'd like to be manager. At first Tyler wasn't so hot on the idea, given how laid back Zach is (and seriously, do you really want someone with that unwieldy of a hairstyle in charge of your business?). But rather quickly, Tyler changed his mind, noting that Zach was an awfully good listener. And that's a very important tool in business (insert "The More You Know!" shooting star here).

Well, everyone seemed to be on board with the whole Zach thing. Everyone but Svetlana. You see, she wanted to be manager too. In fact, she declared that she already was the manager. Ricky had said so! Zach obviously refuted this politely, saying that just because she took a trip to the bank with Ricky doesn't mean that she's automatically the boss now. But Svetlana insisted that this was the job for her. She even lashed out at Zach, saying that he couldn't be manager because he had no backbone. This then made Zach feel sad and worthless, and I feared he might just curl into a little ball and hide in his Jew-fro.

When Zach still insisted that he wanted to be manager, Svetlana then made the ultimate threat. The sort of mature, level-headed reaction that we all wish our bosses would have: "I WILL NOT TALK TO YOU!" she said. Yes, she threatened the silent treatment on Zach (an offer that sounded more tantalizing than imposing). Well, with this debate far from over, everyone went to sleep, and then suddenly, it was 5:30 in the morning, and Tyler was waking up. I didn't know why, but I assumed it was his passive aggressive way to prove that he's a harder worker than Svetlana. Actually, I was wrong. Turns out he was going for an early-morning swim at the local town pool. You see, before Tyler was a champion bitch, he was a champion swimmer. "I won countless state titles, set a bunch of state records," he said quite modestly. Was one of those records "LOUDEST SWIMMER EVER?"

Anyway, Tyler actually joined a Key West swim team, which was oddly endearing. It's rare that you see any of these Real World kids doing something proactive with their lives. We then got a random glimpse into Tyler's childhood when his father and brothers all wanted to play hockey, but Tyler, well, he was gay. Thus, he entered the world of swimming and just wanted to his dad to know that he was just as athletic as any hockey player. Or something like that. It was all very Doing Time On Maple Drive meets Minnesota.

Posted by B-side on April 2, 2006 8:23 PM