Suddenly, Jose spoke up -- yeah, I know. Crazy, right? "What did I do to you, Pasha?" he asked. I didn't know why he called Paula "Pasha," but I'll assume it was a nickname, not some ode to the government classes of the Ottoman Empire. Anyway, as Jose began to speak up, Zach gave him a super annoying "Shhhhh," which caused our once silent wallflower to complain, "You know, I always get 'Be quiet, Jose!'" Well, Jose, to be fair, you are quite loud and unruly. Every episode, it's like "Why won't Jose EVER shut up???"

Anyway, Jose be damned. This was Paula's moment to shine. She once again railed against John, saying, "He's acting like a raging lunatic!" (and yes, my Hypocrisy Gauge was going absolutely nuts) "It's not fuckin' okay!!" Paula yelled, breaking off into her patented move: the ol' hyperventilation gasp. Amusingly, the roommates didn't even seem to notice or care. They just let her pant and gasp for air while they now bickered amongst themselves. I don't know what Zach said, but Jose suddenly barked, "Because I'm tired, Zach!" Well, Paula in her drunken state thought this conversation still had to do with her, and so she screamed, "Okay! So fucking get tired with ZACH! Don't get fucking tired with me!!!" Literally, she didn't even know what she was talking about anymore. She was just repeating words with an angry tone. If Jose had said, "I was thinking about gummy bears the other day," Paula would have ranted, "FINE!! Then don't think about gummy bears with me!! Think about them with ZACH!!!"

Behold the underarms of crazy!

Jose then addressed us in an interview and stated, "I have to say what I feel and stop being in the background and blending in all the time." I'm sorry, what was that? I wasn't listening. Was someone talking? I didn't see anyone on the TV. Oh, it's Jose. Never mind.

Back to Paula, she harped again on John, saying he "just diverts his fuckin' idiocracy on the world on other people." And no, "idiocracy" is fittingly not a word. Nevertheless, Paula continued: "He's an idiot! [note that John was not the one who came up with 'idiocracy'] Anybody that goes to work and sleeps -- kiss my ass!" We then cut to Tyler absolutely cracking up. I'm glad to see he was with us on this. Finally, he gained his composure and told Paula that she should really talk to Zach about this issue (Zach had since left the car, perhaps to tend to his billowing Jew-fro). Paula definitely needed to have a conversation with Zach about John's office behavior... but not when she was piss-drunk. We all knew the reason why Tyler suggested this was because he just wanted to see more fireworks. Can't blame him. It was too good a show to let end.

And so everyone walked into the house where Paula yelled, "ZACH!" Haha. Bring on the next victim! She found her roomie upstairs and said, "Apparently, I need to yell at you." And so began an awkward conversation which featured Paula drunkenly slurring in Zach's right ear and Jose whispering things in his left ear. Eventually, they all decided that Paula was right to be upset, but then the conversation turned towards the events of that evening. Zach told Paula that she had drawn John into a fight, but she refused to believe it. She then began yelling at Zach -- KISS MY GODDAMN ASS, of course -- and then accused everyone in the house of being an asshole. Paula then took a seat atop the staircase and sulked. Downstairs, Janelle walked by and looked up at Paula, but sistah wasn't about to come consoling. She just merely glared with eyes that seemed to say, "I ain't helping this nutty-ass bitch out." Finally, Paula took off her shoes and threw them down to the living room below. Yeah, take that, SHOES! You can kiss Paula's ass too!!

Well, all storms must come to an end, and eventually, the morning arrived, which meant we were back to boring old Day Paula. We found her talking on the phone with Boyfriend of the Year, Keith, and of course, Paula conveniently couldn't remember anything. "You know what would probably be the best decision I could ever make?" she asked, "To stop drinking." Uh YEAH. Obviously statement of the week.

Keith didn't seem totally happy with this decision, but he did offer up a suggestion for how she could spend her sober time. She could stay in and do some "serious yoga." Yes, I'm sure that will be really fun to do every night when all the roomies go out. Cut to Paula alone and screaming, "KISS MY GODDAMN ASS, DOWN FACING DOG!!"

Meanwhile, at the salon, a non-napping John said that he didn't want to talk to Paula that morning. When she drinks, he noted, he doesn't want to be around her at all. $50 for anyone who actually would like to be near her when she's drunk. Tyler then piped up and said that Paula's biggest problem was that she didn't get her emotions out through running or a journal. OF COURSE! That's it! So all you anorexic girls out there, the way to deal with your emotions and deep, personal issues is to RUN SOME MORE.

Posted by B-side on May 20, 2006 9:20 PM