Battle of the Wallflowers! - 
by B-side
It's been a week since the last Real World episode; so clearly, this recap is going up late. There's a reason, of course. In case everyone forgot, last week was pure craziness with American Idol, and then once that was over, well, it was time for a three-day weekend, and I really couldn't discipline myself enough to write a single sentence let alone a full recap. Hence, my litany of excuses for the day.
Anyhow, don't let my tardiness be any indication of how much I enjoyed this episode. It was quite fun, if for no other reason because this cast's most forgettable roommates -- Jose and Janelle -- suddenly emerged from their state of dormancy and thrashed at each other. It was a nice change from the usual Paula/Svetlana/Tyler/John drama. I like to think of it as an episode that cleansed the palate. Sort of like lemon sorbet at a fancy restaurant -- except with more attitude.
The show opened up on what could only be a wonderful harbinger of things to come: Janelle bragging about being a bitch. Yes, in the "Previously on The Real World" segment, Janelle was talking about how she has such an intimidating personality and some people can't handle that and whatnot. I love when people think being an asshole is a virtue. And I love it when they wind up on The Real World. Anyway, other things we learned from this little sequence was that the huge tanning salon grand opening we witnessed last week (the one with that extravagant cardboard sign) was only the soft opening. Turns out the gang was still moving forward on plans for their tanning salon bonanza, but what would they be? I seemed to remember Zach saying something about a marching band several episodes ago, but if I were them, I'd just put Paula in a cage, get her drunk, and have her scream at all the bystanders. It would be like a freak show, and everyone loves those, right? You don't? Well, KISS MY ASS!!!
Anyway, the credits rolled, and then we saw Jose talking about how he was going to step up in the household. And let me tell you something, very few things are as exciting as Jose's call to action. Braveheart has nothing on Jose and his quiet, monotone statements. Just to prove how much Jose was going to step up, we then found him... sitting in a hammock. Okay. Maybe he'll step up a little later. In the meantime, he was fretting over being an unproductive assistant manager. I can understand his frustration. After all, everyone else has really been incredibly productive. That cardboard sign wasn't made overnight! Nevertheless, I think Jose as assistant manager takes "silent partner" to new levels.
Well, apparently Jose wasn't the only one who'd noticed his ineffectual productivity. Turns out that Janelle thought he was slacking a bit, and so in the car, she asked Zach how Jose had been as an assistant manager. Zach replied that he'd been taking over all the Grand Opening responsibilities, leaving Jose with not much to do. This then led to Zach telling us how scared he was of taking on too many tasks, a dilemma that quite frankly no one really cared about. Anyway, Janelle reasoned that as long as Jose wasn't doing anything but sitting in hammocks, he might as well help her with marketing. And by "marketing," I mean passing out flyers. Janelle then told us that she didn't really see Jose's part in the role of assistant manager, which is funny because we didn't really see her part in the role of CAST MEMBER.
Nevertheless, apparently the anti-Jose sentiment had been percolating in the household because we then caught up with Paula and Svetlana talking about him and his personality. And honestly, who really talks about Jose? Paula called him insecure, which was one of the more amusing pot-kettle-black moments of the evening. Svetlana then said that Jose's speaking had no meaning, which ironically didn't make much sense, but I was willing to go with it. The two girls then concluded that he ultimately was sort of bland. Were they just discovering this now? It only took the viewing audience about three milliseconds to realize that while Jose might be a really friendly guy, he's sort of the human personification of a water cracker.
Paula then noted, "There's gonna be that one day where he's just gonna let go and be Jose." Hmmm... Don't know what that will be like, but we can only hope it involves lots of finger pointing and him yelling "KISS MY ASS!!! KISS MY GODDAMN ASS!!!."
Svetlana, meanwhile, told Paula, "I want him to be mean. I want him to be funny." So basically, yes -- they want a perfectly normal guy to snap and turn into Tyler. Or did they? Paula then commented, "You don't want to see him mad because it'll take him to a place he never wants to go." A place he never wants to go. Or as Paula calls it, "Tuesday."
We then cut to our resident ticking timebomb Jose as Janelle began harping on him for not working much. Unfortunately, I had to rewind this scene a few times because I was constantly distracted by the sheer power and beauty of Tyler's master painting, "RED GOD." Anyway, with her bitch hat firmly affixed, Janelle told Jose, "I just never see you in action; so what do you do?" Jose looked somewhat pissed at this accusation, and he said, "I'm out of the bubble." Or loop, but whatever. He then explained how everyone's been taking responsibilities and making him look like a slacker, to which Janelle snipped, "You got all defensive over there!" Well, yeah, you DID just attack him rudely. That's like me calling someone an asshole and then saying, "Hey, why are you acting like I just called you an asshole?"
Oh look! Jose's sitting next to RED GOD!
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