This week's show began with Janelle on the phone with Kasib, who I had to quickly assume was some sort of boyfriend or ex-boyfriend or whatever (my Tivo cut off the first minute of the show). I knew this was going to lead to bad news because a) Janelle had more of a sourpuss face on than usual, and b) ex-boyfriends and Real World cast members rarely lead to fun times (cough, Paula and Keith, cough).

Well, even though they were exes and even though there had been tons of drama between them recently, Kasib apparently wanted to come visit Janelle down in Key West. Why? Don't know. I'll just chalk it up to a general desire to be on TV. Anyway, the two fought on the phone over -- well, I'm not sure. I was pretty confused. Again, I'll blame the Tivo. Ultimately, Kasib said, "You're acting like a jackass for no reason." I really didn't know much about the guy, but the fact that he called Janelle a jackass was pretty cool. First impressions: I liked him.

Nevertheless, Kasib may have wanted to visit, but Janelle wasn't so hot on the idea, mostly because all they do is, you know, fight. She told Kasib (a name which she alternately pronounces Kasib and Kaaah-sib) that she wasn't so sure if he should come on account of all the drama. She was just so sick of the fighting. Wouldn't want that turbulent relationship stinking up the always peaceful household. Speaking of which, how come we haven't seen Paula flip her lid over something random, like running out of paper towels. "There's no more Bounty? We have to use Brawny? Great. That's just great. KISS MY ASS, BRAWNY! KISS MY GODDAMN ASS!!!"

Luckily, since Janelle was getting her very own storyline this week, that meant one thing: Jose was gonna get a storyline too! (It's very efficient when MTV rolls all the wallflower stories into one episode.) Anyway, our little guy had met a girl named Jessica (a.k.a. "Jose's crush," according to MTV), and he was totally head over heels for her. I don't know what it was about her that drove him so wild -- maybe it was her weird Alias wig/Catherine Zeta Jones in Chicago hairstyle or maybe it was the way that she absolutely towered over him like the Statue of Liberty. Whatever the case, Jose was digging her, and to make things even better, his buddy Zachary (a local friend, not our Jewfro'd roommate, Zach) had nothing but wonderful things to say about her.

Everything seemed perfect. But wait! There was a problem. No, it wasn't that Jose had to say more than three words. The problem was that Jose had an ex-girlfriend named Irene who he still lived with. And even worse, this is what Irene looked like:

Okay, okay. I kid. We all know that THIS is what Jose's Irene looked like:

I kid again! I'm on fire! Wait... wait... I got one more. Here's the REAL Irene:

It's Irene Ryan, a.k.a. Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies. Ha! I kill me!

Anyhoo, Jose wasn't about to let his old flame Irene stop him. He was gonna go after Jessica, and just in case we had any doubts, master of obvious observations Zach told us, "I know he's falling for Jessica. I KNOW he is!" He then added, "I can detect the lust in my Jew Fro!"

The next day, Janelle called up Kasib and apologized for her rude behavior the night before. This was a shocker because as far as we could tell, she'd never apologized to anyone for anything ever before. Was Kasib the one man that could tame Janelle's wild steed? Possibly. Possibly not. With all wounds mended, Kasib then revealed that he still wanted to visit her (and be on TV) and furthermore, he was arriving the next morning for a three day stay. Yay! This won't lead to insanity at all!

Well, Kasib arrived at the Key West airport the next day, and as he stepped out of the building, Janelle asked, "What's up? You only have two bags?" Seriously! Two bags for three whole days??? How was he going to last? He should know that every day warrants a new bag. Simpleton.

Kasib with his spartan packing methods.

At the house, Svetlana and Paula introduced themselves to Kasib. Paula went so far as to note, "He looks just like in the pictures!" Yeah, that's kind of how pictures work. Sort of magical, I know.

John then told us that Janelle was hoping to rekindle some sort of flame and that the outlook seemed pretty interesting. And I'm sure it'll get much more interesting once Kasib discovers that John tore off Janelle's bra in the ocean. But hey, since when has a little sexual predation soured the mood?

Well, once Kasib had met everyone in the house, he turned to Janelle and said, "I'm ready to go to sleep." Keep in mind that it could not have been later than 11:45 AM. Yes, Kasib was horny and ready to ride the Janelle train.

Posted by B-side on July 31, 2006 6:30 AM