Just like the sneak peak for the Real World Philadelphia cast, various Bunim/Murray graduates returned Monday night to officially weigh in on the next challenge. What MTV keeps forgetting is that half these people lack the wit and nerdy high school experience that fuel the snarkiness over at VH1. Therefore, we had to endure dull commentary by Ellen (Road Rules: The Quest), Mike the Miz (Real World: Back to NY), Theo (Road Rules: Maximum Velocity), Katie (Road Rules: Catfight with Veronica), Tonya (Real World: Kidney Trauma), Mark Long (Road Rules: Very Long Time Ago), Ruthie (Real World: Drunk Driving), Shane (Road Rules: That Uninteresting Gay Guy), Dan (Real World: That Kind of Funny Gay Guy), and Robin (Real World: San Diego Jail).

Apparently the production staff was just as disinterested as we were in these guys's thoughts. That would explain why the audio team didn't bother to show up. Seriously, could they mic these jerks? I mean, I know they don't have anything worthwhile to impart to us, but we might as well hear them instead of the PAs noshing at craft service. This entire special sounded like it was recorded in the cab of a tractor trailer. Of course, the lighting wasn't so hot either. Put this together with the 1992 fonts and this entire show looked like it was public access. For shame, MTV!

Production values aside, this preview did little to whet our appetite for the new season. Not that I won't be watching, but it's just that when we weren't watching Katie and Mike pontificate about their worthless showbiz careers, we were stuck with lame flashbacks of the original Battle of the Sexes. To make matters worse, some idiot producer thought it would be really cool to wash out all the old footage with a swamp green filter that did little except highlight how ghetto this half hour really was. Whatever happened to the good old days of black and white flashbacks? Or sepia? Or even blue and white? But here I go again on the production values.

Anyway, all our kiddos waxed poetically about how nasty the first Battle was, especially the ouster of Rachel. This of course prompted that classic clip of Rachel laughing/crying, "This game is ugly and I don't want any part of it." This was followed by Rachel returning the next season for the Gauntlet where she schemed to remove former teammate Sarah in a humiliating series of events. I guess when Rachel said she didn't want any part of it, she meant normal, mature life.

Sadly, Rachel's hypocrisy is nothing compared to perpetual victim Katie and her masochistic desire for further humiliation. During the preview, she acted all wise and knowing, commenting that the Challenge house would be one big superficial world just simmering with tension. So why sign up again? For someone who constantly voices her hatred for these people, Katie is quick to jump at these contest opportunities. I guess maybe her tough exterior masks a little girl who just wants to be accepted by her peers, even if it means getting completely trampled by them. Or maybe she's just an attention whore. Yeah, I think that's it.

I sort of feel badly for the newbies entering the fray. Yeah, they may be doofuses (Brad and Randy from San Diego) or vacant chatterboxes (Robin, Cameran and Kina from San Diego and Road Rules X-Treme), but they seem like generally nice people who are about a step or two just beyond high school mentality. Unfortunately, by signing up for the Challenge and joining the clique of RW/RR alumni, they willingly sign over their personalities to a catty and dumb lifestyle dominated by the great thinkers that are Mike, Coral, and Veronica.

I must say that what really rubs me the wrong way about all these Bunim/Murray reality stars is how warped their social system is. This is a clique that's run by high school mentality. They all know it, and yet they all continue to act that way. Some of the talking heads - I believe it was Mike and Katie - proudly talked about being "veterans" to the Challenge. They actually think that makes them cool, like being seniors in high school. Of course, in reality, the people that show up season after season for these shows are about as cool as those guys that still wear their varsity football jerseys... when they're 33. Oh, but where would we be without our usual heroes and villains? Who will pass judgment on the newbies? We can't let a wallflower like Sophia get all the attention! Seriously, she's really boring. Please ignore her, MTV.

Finally, after lots of blabbing, we finally got some glimpses of the upcoming season: Robin, who previously made a splash with her trapezoidal cleavage, seems ready to take America by storm with a pea green dress (or is it a nighty?) that will surely become the scorn of many TVgasm posts to come; Cameran looks like she'll be having an icy relationship with Coral, aka the bitter senior girl who gets mad when the senior guys all fawn over the freshman hottie; and lastly, Kina and Derrick will be returning to shower us with their usual thought-provoking dialogue.

Here's a sample:

Kina: You wanna talk about drunk? [pointing at Derrick] There you go.
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Posted by B-side on October 4, 2004 10:33 PM