Last week, I was sort of disappointed. The Bad Asses had to make their nominations first, and they chose Julie. It is well known that Julie hates Veronica, and so I thought she would change names at the last minute, which, for the last time, DOES NOT BREAK ANY RULES, and choose Veronica. Rachel made a heartfelt (and by heartfelt, I mean completely shallow and self-serving) plea for the Good Guys to play fair which might have affected the decision to stick with the vote and send Tonya in.

For her part, Julie says that it is going to be hard to get motivated to beat Tonya. In her mind a battle against Veronica would be a battle against evil. Tonya, on the other hand, is really sort of a victim, at least in this game. She is not enough of a lesbian to enter the Tina, Veronica, and Rachel clique (and to be clear, when I say that, I am not trying to say that lesbians are bitches, but that these three bitches just happen to be lesbians) and for that reason, Tonya is the enemy of pretty much everybody on her team except for Dan. Recently, Tina, Rachel, and Veronica have tried to be a little nicer to Tonya, in hopes that they don't piss her off so much she sabotages the team, but Tonya is not falling for it so far. She hates the other three girls, but I am sure she doesn't want to sacrifice her chances at winning money either, so she plays along in their little game.

The competition this week is called "Time to Ride." Each person has to get on a Kicker 5150 mini-hog and choose one of two courses to complete, both of them going across the water. The short course is only 45 feet long in a straight line, but your path to the finish is only 16 inches wide. The long route is 240 feet long with many turns, but is also four feet wide, meaning it will be much easier to stay on. The winning team is the one with the shortest cumulative time, and a player is disqualified if they wreck the bike, go in the water, or don't keep their feet on the pegs.

No game is good without some Miz antics, and when he sees that this game involves motorcycles, diminutive as they may be, he announces that he has some face paint and is going to paint himself a handlebar mustache and a goatee. In reality, there was no goatee, and it wasn't a handlebar 'stache because he connected it to the sideburns. I would more likely call it a sidewinder or "friendly chops" (not to be confused with mutton chops). I am also pretty sure that he didn't just happen to bring face paint and it was more than likely either the producers egged him on or he asked the makeup people for some help, but whatever the motivation was, it looked a lot less like Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider and a lot more like something you would see on a poster outside of the Tomkat theater. Landon, who Mike was calling "Rex," slapped some painted mutton chops on as well.

The short route didn't look that hard, and with Abram up first, the Bad Asses were looking to show off some more dominance. Abram was sure that he only needed to get up to speed and it would be a straight shot across the short route. Well, Abram got about two feet before he tipped over and into the water. In the previews for this episode, I saw that clip of him falling in the water, and it was the funniest thing imaginable. This time, it wasn't quite as humorous. I mean, it was funny, but seeing it in full context just didn't send me rolling like I thought it would.

Anyway, Abram's failure opened a lot of eyes. This game was not going to be so easy, and it was going to be a battle of times on the long course, because nobody was really going to have the balls to try the short route again. The Good Guys were stoked because they would only have to stay on the course to win because of Abram's DQ. Unfortunately for them, that didn't prove so easy. When Mike made his run, he made it to the end on the long course, but failed to stop his bike before it went into the water at the final platform. Even though he finished the course, falling off at the end was another DQ, and so both teams were tied.

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Posted by J-Unit on May 30, 2005 2:13 PM