Julie left last week, so without any more Jesus in the house, you knew everybody was going to get loose and have a blowout like the world has never seen. I was sure there would be booze and drugs and hookers, and enough hot ass that even Pat O'Brien wouldn't know what to do with himself. So what exactly was planned with the morality out of the house?

A belly flop contest. No really. A belly flop contest.

I guess there is only so much boozing and dancing you can do, so I applaud everybody for getting creative. Plus, watching it was pretty funny. After all of the guys took their turns, it was Tonya who really had the best smack in the water. They even gave it to us in slow motion so we could appreciate the moment better.

There are more serious things going on in the house. We have one elimination left for the guys and one elimination left for the girls, so people are starting to figure out who they want to take that money home with. Since the Bad Asses are the only ones that have any bodies to spare, all of this sacrificial talk is taking place on their end. CT is the one doing most of the strategizing, and for all of you people out there with a brain about as functional as CT's, this basically means that the Bad Asses are trying to find a way to get rid of Dan and Tonya in the final two eliminations. See, for CT, it's not enough to split 70 or 80 thousand among 8 people; it would be so much more worthwhile if it was split among 6. Like CT said, money makes him feel good about himself, much like dogs say when they discover they can lick their own balls.

The teams arrived for their next competition, which was called "If Memory Serves." It was a dumb name, but kind of a fun concept. There was a model room set up by Sharper Image (and we were reminded many times how cool these things were just in case you forgot). Each team would pick a captain to inspect the room up close while their teammates looked at it from a distance. After two minutes of observation, the teams would have ten minutes to organize an undecorated room the same way as the model room. The team that was the most accurate replicating the model room would win the game and $10,000.

Now, when you look at who the players were on both teams, there was only one person from each team who could even be considered to lead this task requiring attention to detail, memory, and anal retentiveness - the Asian (Jamie), and the gay guy (Dan). Think about it - isn't it always the Asian family you want to be in line behind at the grocery checkout? They really are models for efficiency. And isn't it always your gay friend who is the first to notice a new haircut, hair color, or pair of shoes? It was like this game was meant for them.

Both teams came up with almost identical strategies - the captain would go in for the details, while their team members each took a section of the room to memorize. Jamie was happy to go, but Dan wasn't quite as enthused. Like he said, "the challenges are not difficult, we just think they are." Dan was going to get the details, but he told his team not to rely on him. The meaning of this phrase was completely lost on Abram. Dan didn't mean to say he wasn't going to try his best, but just that he can't make up for every single person if they can't get the basics. If each person memorized their section like they were the only ones responsible for it, they have a much better chance at getting things correctly. In other words, eight sets of paranoid eyes were much better than five.

Everything was pointing towards easy victory for the Bad Asses. The task was difficult, as there were many, many little details that you had to pick up on, but anybody who has played "Picture Hunt" drunk while in a bar has all the skills you need to do well in this task. Let's go over this logically. If the guy gay and the Asian girl cancel each other out with their efficiency/attention to detail, the Bad Asses had more people to look at the room. If we assume that everybody on these teams are about the same level intelligence-wise (there could be a few outliers *cough*Tina*cough*Landon*cough*), it was no contest. The Bad Asses just had to work together and use their brains.

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Posted by J-Unit on June 1, 2005 12:53 AM