When did this air? I'm expecting to see it at 10:00pm on the west coast. This couldn't be from an east coast showing. How'd you do the recap so fast?

I couldn't believe it when Jo freaked out because they were having sex and drinking. Has she actually seen an MTV reality show lately?

This couldn't be from an east coast showing. How'd you do the recap so fast?

I have thought about this long and hard, and there is only one answer.

A Festivus Miracle!

We want our Apprentice recap!

Nice to know Jo is still a clueless whiney limey skank. C'mon, she's the one who cried because there was a roasted pig at the Luau she went to in Hawaii! I always hated that bitch.

I haven't read it yet B-Side- but I am so excited that I am going to staaart nowww
(I can't believe you have it up already... Nice work, my friend).

MTV was kind enough to furnish TVgasm with advance screeners of the first two episodes, and after having watched the first tape, I'm happy to report

This was in the 1st paragraph

Hey, Where is The Apprentice re-cap???

Whoa, you already posted the recap? Bonus!

Loved the recap B-Side.

And all you people rushing him to write other recaps....sheesh - show a little gratitude for crying out loud. You can not rush brilliance!

Great recap, I am so happy you are recapping this show since Laguna and Real World seem so far away. Jo is so lame even the queen of the lamo complainers, Julie, was laughing at her for complaining. Beth saying she knew there would be a twist because she was seasoned with the challenges. Um, Beth, anyone that has ever watched any episode of any reality tv series knew there was going to be a twist. WTF, Beth?

Seriously, they structured this whole captain thing weirdly. It really screws over those captain kids. Essentially, they have to win every time or be someone who can beat everyone on their team to stay in the game. But if you don't start out as captain, you could ride it to the end loosing every challenge so long as people don't dislike you much, and never have to go into the gauntlet. I don't know, it's just poor planning I think.

Is it sad that I can barely remember 75% of the names you mentioned? (the last 5 seasons, anyway!)

Oh. My. God.

I have that same exact comforter set.

And I'm typing with my elbows under that same exact pillow.

I shudder to think I have the same taste as Derrick. Are all the beds like that?

"That sacred time when the faint aroma of alcohol and bodily fluids waft from the television "

It's interesting how true that quote is. Whenever I watch the other challenges I always seem to get a strong wiff of b.o. and alcohol... Im glad to know its not me!
Thank you b-side!!

I really dont know how great this season will be without the biatch squad but Im sure it will be entertaining.

Jo is so annoying. What does she thing they would be doing the first night, reading scary stories by the campfire?

There are a lot of castmates on this show that I can't stand so at least it will be fun to make fun of them.

Jo is such an idiot. It must be hard when you realize that there will be no opportunity to use your vibrator when there are drunk people with chocolate in your bed. People just give the girl some privacy so she can burn off some sexual steam. She'll be less bitchy in the morning.

Yay! A Festivus for the REST of us! I didn't know, though, that Festivus included the sacred waft of fluids--Thanks for bringing me up to date; I think I'll wear a Depends while I watch this show, so that, like Lisa in ANTM, I can christen them whilst I watch and contribute to the ritual nature of this most jolly of times.

All MJ needs are some more frosty highlights, tons of gel and some gaudy gold jewelery and he could be a dead ringer for Justin Timberlake in the early days of N*Sync.

B-Side - your write ups are cray-cray!! Love them always!!!

I didn't get why Jo was selected on The Real World when they were in San Fran.. Ugh - she's annoying. I mean, hello bitch?!?! What did you think you were getting into? There is no way she has not seen past challenges. What a loon.

Though I hope she stays b/c her craziness will be entertaining. Great recap!

The MTV challenge shows always deliver the reality goods. I love them, they are much better than any real world or road rules show.

I'd love to pour chocolate syrup on Derrick. I'm jealous.

Isn't Mark LongintheTooth way to old for these shows? How pathetic is he anyway? Wasn't he on the first Road Rules? He has got to go.

I don't even remember who Jo was, from San Francisco, that was so long ago. Did she do anything significant in RW - SF?

I loved it when she called the cops!

KH

I really did not recognize MJ. It wasn't till my friend was like "you know, Landon's boyfriend" that I was like 'oh THAAAAAT's who that is."

If you guys want a laugh check out the "meet the cast" photos on mtv.com. Ibis is ridiculously sucking her stomach in and pushing her chest out as far as she can on every picutre, making her look like a total ass.

How many things can we say about picture #14 from the cast photo gallery?

"Yes, Cyrus. You ARE that long."
"Get off my thang, Ace."
"Awfully small nuts there."

Come on, everyone! Add your own caption.

Is it me or are Osama Beth Laden's eyebrows permanantly in the raised position? It's freaky. The photo montage is hilarious, and there is one picture of one of the dude (David? Mark? not sure) who has adopted Danny (RW Austin) pheonix elbow/hat bit....very funny.

Ya where's the Apprentice recap????

one word: rad

Is it just me or does Ibis look EXACTLY like a Spanish version of Kristin Cavalarri?

I didn't start watching RW til Miami...was Jo nuts during her season?

And don't hate on Mark, he does have a career outside of the challenges, I have seen him on TV playing on dodgeball teams (not kidding)..

I DESPISE Beth and pray to God Montana (love her!) will kick her ass

I hate MJ. He was such a gross w.t. hick. He would always have that dip in his mouth. He's disgusting.

If Jo leaves who, oh who will replace her as captain?
I've watched all the RW's and I remember Jo, but not a thing she said or did on her season.
CSI: Special Syrup Unit - priceless!

Your review of last night's cray-ness forgot to mention the fact that Jo threatened to sue the island--Oprah style.

Excellent recap! And vastly more interesting than the show itself.

I see they've stuck with the usual mission format: the host explains the rules of the mission, then one of the cast repeats the explanation, then a second cast member repeats the repetition.

I suppose MTV figures that its audience, like its cast, is too stupid to get it right the first time.

PS, i was reading US weekly from last week and TVgasm was mentioned for the mischa nipple slip.... yay TVgams

Jo is indistinguishable from the Real World SF because she replaced Puck, the most annoying, irritating, and disgusting cast member at the time. (Now he would fit right in!) Jo joined this groundbreaking RW cast late in the game and did not compare to Puck's antics.
RW SF was groundbreaking because I think for the first time on TV they showcased a person with HIV (Pedro), him educating others about the disease, and his struggle to live. They also showed the first gay marriage on TV, Pedro got married to his boyfriend Sean. In addition, all the cast members had their jobs and were living normal lives in a documentary. It was not the "Famewhore Format" that they have now.

The only time I remember Jo was when they went to Hawaii. She, as a vegetarian, was disgusted by the pig roasting in an open pit. She started crying and dry heaving. And that's basically it! I guess roasted pig is not as bad as drunken orgies.

Thank you MTV for providing tapes of the show in advance for TVgasm! And thanks for recapping so quickly.

bcarter3- true. i was sitting there on my computer and kind of half watching the show (why not, since i have b-side to watch for me) and i realized i'd missed the explanation of the new rule. i was about to rewind the dvr when i thought 'whatever, i'm sure i'll catch whatever it is next episode." however, they regurgitated it back to me two more times before the next commercial break!

B-Side, you have got to track down a photo of Christopher Atkins from that movie in the 70s "The Blue Lagoon" and do a side by side with MJ. It's the Exact same wild jungle perm with highlights!

B-Side, your recaps are too much. Bravo!!

'Boom! Bazooka Joe' still gets me every time...

You want drive? You want determination? You want to see me get owned after I pass out in someone else's bed on the very first night?

"i'll sue this whole island"- Jo during her freak out

With that mop of hair, MJ should go shirtless to a Packers game while holding up a John 3:16 sign.

I don't think MJ looks like Christopher Atkins. I really don't mean to be snarky about this, but the first time I saw those eyes and that hair, I got Bette Davis in "The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex"

I can't remember what the context for "bam. bazooka joe" was. i remember laughing hysterically for ten minuts, but can't remember why he said it. can someone refresh my memory?

One thing I love about this show - TJ Lavin. Hottie. :)

Leah3t-
if i remember correctly "boom bazooka joe" was said when randy was wasted in bed with robin and it quite possibly is the entire reason i love randy-rand.

WAIT - Beth took Ace into her room?!?!? I know Ace is a whiner and an all-around worthless guy but he's CUTE! One of the cutest, least loser guys there...how did Beth do that? Must watch show tonight....

Lia--- ohhhh yeah that's right. i totally forgot that he and robin were an item.

btw i loved the "he doesn't want a girlfriend, i don't want a boyfrined" explanation. i wonder how many quizzical looks i would get if i tried that.

OMG...what the hell is on Anessa's head? So glad the group has gathered for more drunken fun. Previews look great...might not even notice all the missing regulaurs.

Yea to B-Side and his awesome recap.

Jo's meltdown was the single strangest most inexplicable meltdown in the history of the show. As another poster pointed out, what was she expecting? People sitting around in smoking jackets discussing Shakespeare?

Another piece of Jo trivia: if my memory serves me right, the SF housemates selected her to replace Puck from a group of finalists that included Mark.

Dango, you are correct. I remember thinking, at the time, to choose him over Jo. Jo sucked. I mean, Puck was foul and I hated him. But Jo - boring.

B-Side - you are so fucking hilarious!!! I spent a very quiet day at work (read: my boss was out)reading your recaps. I laughed all day. To include a voice clip of Kristin (Laguna) in full hee-haw mode - well that was just the ice for me!!

I have to say that your write-ups capture everything about the show you are describing in perfect satin detail, folded in with jokes only the truly observant could make. Holy crap, I have an ache in my side. Sometimes I can't let go of a particular laugh,I have aftershocks - that is how affected I am. The other night I made my friend sit there while I pulled up some of your great RW Austin writeups. She was almost peeing her pants and she doesn't even watch the show.

The readers comments really make me laugh out loud to! You guys are a really funny bunch - some woman once wrote how after reading a write up of B-Side she "laughed so hard she scared her baby". That is the perfect sum up to describe how funny the posts are. (this grass is wicked crazy yo!)

Props to tvgasm. I am now your media whore - shamelessly plugging this website whenever I can.

Wow, KBomb, that was very nice of you. Thank you and everyone else for all the nice compliments!

I have to say that Alton is extremely sexy!!! Fine with a capital F! I can even forget the fact that he said "Gnarly". He's beautiful.

^ i agree! this season seems promising for drama, that is.

and i miss Coral, Veronica, Tina, and Tonya, they were such bitches. *sigh*

"Do not manhandle me!"
That's my favorite Jo quote. I think I'm going to start saying that the next time when someone lightly touches my shoulder like Ruthie did.

Thanks B-Side for this great recap! It made my day! I was having LB TVgasm withdrawal...

Jo is a complete loser. Did she think she signed up for the nunnery? Hello?! This is MTV! Even Julie (love her!) didn't throw a fit, and she's very religious. I'm glad we don't have the typical biotches on this season. It gets a little boring with the same people over and over....

Osama Beth Laden (LMAO) and Ace? Must've been WAY drunk!

Don't these people ever have hangovers that ruin their perfomances in the challenges? I remember Derrick (totally agree that he looks like the gay dude in Clueless) thought he was too drunk to compete in the RR, but I haven't seen anyone else worry about this much. Tanya was the only one that said that she drank too much before the Inferno 2 final challenge. I just don't get it...

Oh, B-Sie, I am so happy you are recapping The Gauntlet! This is going to be the best Challenge ever.

If you guys put that the 'path to nirvana is through tvgasm' on a t-shirt I will buy it so hard. But I have to say, Jamie's path to nirvana needs to not include a path through hair gel land. WTF. MJ's hair was bad, but Jamie's made me feel ill.

One thing I haven't seen mentioned is that Adam, when they announced TJ Lavin as the host, had the cutaway comment of

"He's like one of the best dirt jumpers in the world".

That cracked up a whole room of people when watching the replay last night.

loved the recap, love the fact that mtv managed to get even more chaos and horrible human nature on film.

i'm not sure which of the tvgasm boys i want to marry more now. (sorry but good writing skills are hot. i have a crush on t.s. eliot, too. i like guys that don't scrawl on cave walls with feces to communicated. ahem, DANNY from the real world.)

communicate* even. christ. fuck me!

What about Timmy? He's ALWAYS my favorite.

Ok what is with them always having BMXers as hosts on these shows?

I will miss the Coral/Veronica/Tina trifecta and their arch-nemesis Tonya. I do remember reading a while back that Veronica and Tina now have their own clothing line (t-shirts with those tacky sayings like "watch your boyfriend").

One of the greatest exchanges in the history of the challenges:
Julie wants to go wrestle Coral outside..let's go wrestle let's go wrestle
Coral: I don't wrestle. I BEAT BITCHES UP!

I know Kina's college roomate. I heard shes a headcase and gets harrassed a lot at school cuz shes a "big shot" (or thinks she is I mean). Also saw her webshots photo album...Her and Randy seem really creepy in it. if I can find the link again Ill post it.

b-side you are a genius. brilliant. "Get that shit off of my tv." referring to mj. brillance at its finest. this site is the best. the comments are just as funny as the recap. great job everybody.

i echo that sentiment. love b-side's recaps and the comments!!

OMG B-Side I love you!!!
Thankyou soooo much for recaping RW/RR Gauntlet 2, but seriously where are all the good people like THE MIZ, CORAL, VERONICA and TINA??? These players don't deserve to be there seriously ADAM from Paris who even remembers him??? Where's CT??? Jo is just trying too hard to get carmera time, she knows that nobody knows her so shes stealing the camera away from the pretty people like Cameran and Brad! Just the first show and I already hate JO who's with me?

KBomb, I watched this last night and you are so right - Beth has had some serious work done.

And MJ's fro...good god! The worst part is that there are girls who think it's hot. Girls that idolize Paris, sure, but girls nonetheless.

B-side thank u so much for deciding to recap the gauntlet, this is exactly what I needed to help the devastation of lb ending.

Like someone else said before, this is going to be the best gauntlet ever! I am happy with the cast this time too, i actually didn't even notice until after the show that we were missing tonya, veronica, and rachel. I knew coral wouldn't be there cuz she said at the last reunion that she wouldn't be doing anymore challenges, atleast not for a while. There's a lot of good drama in store this season, especially with all of these people being together in the house who just recently broke up.

I am particularly happy that Big Rand and Brad are on the same challenge together, I love both of them...and Derek makes me sick, who the hell lied to this kid and told him he was robothug? He swears he can beat up anyone with two legs...ugh and god is he ugly! what's up with that cleft lip thing he has going on, and having a receding hairline and spiked up hair is not a good look, ugh.

As far as the Jo situation, she's a fuckin headcase. Who gets upset over people partying and having fun? She is truly mental....I don't know what would set her off like that, I'll be damned if I want to leave from a paid vacation in a beautiful mansion with an opportunity to win thousands of dollars in prizes....this better be the last time we see her ungrateful bitch ass on a challenge!

no offense, but how could you miss coral's loud mouth? i saw the previews and since there were no clips of her calling someone a triflin' ass trick-skank, i knew this season was not going to be up to par.

i hope to god that the veterans have taught the rookies enough lessons for the drama to remain sizzlin.

As if anyone cares, here is Veronica and Rachel's site.

http://www.collegedropout.com/

the descriptions of the shirts they give are pretty funny to laugh AT not WITH. They used to have a lot of typos and misspellings but i guess they got an editor..

glam0rama- if u were referring to me, i didn't say i missed coral, i said...

I knew coral wouldn't be there cuz she said at the last reunion that she wouldn't be doing anymore challenges, atleast not for a while.

Trust me I would've noticed coral's loud mouth...how can anyone miss that or her gargantuous boobs that hog up the whole screen?! lol

This rocks! I can never watch a full season of RW or RR, but the challenges are chock ful o drama!! Who the hell does Jo think she is and Ace WTF?! Beth?! How could he?

B-side, you have the greatest writing talent ever, luv the recaps!!!!

A girl I went to highschool with rooms with Kina at college. Seen her personal webshots...heard shes a TOTAL nightmare/headcase...and people hate her on campus.

Is anyone surprised?

"We then saw an up-close shot of MJ during an interview and good God, get that shit off my TV! Seriously, he's actually difficult to look at."

That seriously cracked me up, great recap B-side I'm glad you're doing the Gauntlet. Once again, Ace WTF?!? Beth is nastay! Anyways, I for one am glad that Veronica, Rachel, Tonya and Coral are not on this challenge cause I'm sick and tired of those bitches but I did like The Miz. Also where's CT? He's HOTTT. I love his tough guy attitude and he has a great bod.They should kick Adam out and bring back CT.
Where's Theo from Road Rules Maximum Velocity? He's hot and he's a pretty good competitor.
Mark is a little old to be there but he still looks great and he looks like a cool guy.
WTF is up with Jamie's hair? Eww.

Anyways, this looks like it's gonna be a good challenge, let's hope for the best cause after the last Real World they seriously need to redeem themselves.

MJ is totally creepy. Who finds that attractive? I am all for big hair, but not up there.

For all of those who miss the miz I give you: http://www.wwe.com/inside/commentary/95616/95628/95642211/miz102605

This is late, because I had to catch the repeat, but that mullet-fro is perhaps the scariest hairdo I have ever seen. She can't possibly think that looks good.
Didn't like Jo on RW San Fran, like her less now. Yeah, you're older than this crowd, but you could've included yourself and at least watched the festivies- I'm probably her age, and I would've been thrilled just to watch these assclowns party.
I miss the Miz, Theo, and my bitches. But I don't this crew will disappoint in the drama dept.

Yeah! The Gauntlet2 is going to be so much fun! And even more so now that I have discovered TVgasm. Before,I haven't had anyone to discuss these challanges with, so this is my new favorite website!!!

Holy crap is Jo an uptight bizzo.
Derrick is on a one-way street to an asylum.
But more importantly, where is the Miz???
Also, MJ looks like Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Not Keanu's character, the other one. Trust me.

HATE Derrick... ewwww get rid of 'em.