After a disgusting shot of Aneesa's nipples popping through her shirt, we then headed to commercial break, and when we returned, the Veteran captains assembled and made the executive decision that with Beth's running skills, she should participate and Montana should sit out. Needless to say, Beth was not happy. "The way she manipulates, I'm really pissed right now," she balked. Whatever. Just create chaos like you're supposed to.

Well, the rickshaw race began, and at first the rookies fell behind thanks to Kina's poor running skills. However, any lead Veteran David had created against her quickly vanished once Robin took the helm. The girl could barely muster a light trot, no thanks to all that smoking (and the extra ballast found in her bosom). As Robin strained with the rickshaw, Mr. Incredible himself (Alton) took over for Kina and within seconds had zipped by Robin. Eventually, Beth took over the rickshaw, and believe it or not, she performed admirably. In fact, she was pretty damn good. But even with the rookies struggling with Jillian tugging the rickshaw, the vets just couldn't close the gap. In the final stretch, MJ took over for his team, but wait! Here comes Mark Long and his aerodynamically shaped faux-hawk! Maybe he could win this for his team! Oh, who am I kidding? The guy is like 89 years old. Let's call this a day.

Sure enough, the Rookies won, causing veteran David to complain, "We had a mission where the girls played their power politics, and it really distracted our whole team today." Not really. It's not Beth's fault that Robin was dying of black lung on the track. Moments later, Montana then explained that she didn't want to sit out for the Gauntlet exemption. No, really! She didn't! "I just didn't want Beth to have it because she just sucks at being a person." Oh, that's it. Of course.

Well, Kina claimed her $1,000 gift certificate for Best Buy, which led to the precipice of product placement obnoxiousness as she said, "I'm so excited. What am I going to buy?" I really thought I'd have to listen to a litany of Best Buy plugs for the next ten minutes, but thankfully, we cut away just in time. Now if you excuse me, I have to go answer my new T-Mobile Sidekick II.

Anyway, the Veterans all gathered in that random cramped den to deliberate as to who would face Ruthie in the Gauntlet. At first, everything seemed peaceful. All the girls were quiet and restrained, not wanting to cast the first stone. Of course, Beth's never one to let any stone go uncast, so she happily piped up and said, "I kicked ass, and I have proven my position on this team, and now we have the weakest girl sitting out today, and its' a shame." That's right, Montana. That was directed at you.

"Like, that's just not fair. I haven't called you out at all. Like, just don't do it," Montana replied angrily. Yeah, Beth! Montana hasn't called you out at all... to your face at least. (Fashback: "I just didn't want Beth to have it because she just sucks at being a person.") With chaos threatening to overtake the proceedings, Julie then spoke up to offer some guidance. "When we vote today," she said, "you guys, please just everyone vote honest in their heart. Just look at who you want to be next to in the end mission when you know it's going to be crazy." Translation: don't feel obligated to base this on today's performance. Translation again: do you really want to share this prize with Beth at the finish line? Translation yet again: vote Beth in. Funny how that "vote honest in your heart" thing really isn't as friendly as it sounds.

Well, sure enough, the team voted Beth into the Gauntlet, and just when it seemed like this was a clever move to dispose of the Veterans's biggest instigators, fate intervened. TJ spun the wheel of Gauntlet fortune, ultimately landing on "Challenger's Choice." Uh oh. Beth has all the power. Danger, Ruthie, danger! Well, Beth opted for the "Reverse Tug of War," which immediately had Ruthie panicked. "It's like 2,000 lbs. against two," Ruthie fretted. Hmmm... the producers are setting up her failure... which means she's clearly going to win. Further cementing this was Beth who happily talked so much smack that her failure was all but a foregone conclusion. Oh, you showed your hand too early, MTV! Can't outsmart us!

Anyway, the teams trudged out to the Gauntlet, and just as the event was about to get underway, there was suddenly panic that Beth might forfeit, à la Cameran and Jisela (kind of) prior, and you know just how much TJ hates that!

"My team obviously doesn't want me, and I don't want to be a part of some negativity," Beth complained. Hey, I wonder if she's going to have hors d'oeuvres at her pity party.

Well, with hints of another lame female Gauntlet in the air, TJ made a preemptive strike, warning, "You can't quit on this. This is the Gauntlet, okay? C'mon." Yeah, man. It's the GAUNTLET -- the hallowed test of man's will and determination! Luckily, even though Beth quit the Inferno 2 (right? I'm a little rusty), she was out for vengeance now, and it showed. No quitters here. The Reverse Tug of War began, and while Beth seemed to have the advantage first, Ruthie's smart strategy of staying low seemed to be working. Believe it or not, for the first time all season, I was actually excited during the Gauntlet. Of course, it helped that the producers slowed down the action and then cut back and forth between the girls until I was ready to pull my hair out.

Ruthie really wants a drink.

Posted by B-side on January 17, 2006 5:04 AM