Meanwhile, this scandal had spread its way over to the Veterans, who were so concerned, they were throwing around big words like "supposebly." In an interview, David disavowed himself from the alliance, saying that he could barely trust Cara and Suzie. Brad also denied any relationships, saying he had no motive to betray his team like that. After all, he's in "very good spirits" with his team. Don't know about his standing, but the spirits are great. Ultimately, Brad dramatically addressed the Vets by stating, "I feel very violated right now. I feel VERY violated right now!" Oh, calm down. Wait until one of your teammates butt-rapes you before you start throwing that word around. (Then again, he did receive an atomic wedgie from The Miz, so he probably does know a thing or two about male-violation.)

Well, the new day brought new dramas, and this one was called "Beth." You see, it was women's Gauntlet day, which meant that if the Vets lost, Beth would be headed into the Gauntlet, most likely taking Montana with her.

"Everyone knows that Beth is a weasel. Beth has all the credibility of a late night informercial," Montana said. I don't get it. Are infomercials not credible? But those midget twins know the secret to success! Are you saying that they're lying?? Does this mean the Ab-Slide might not actually work?? C'mon, Montana. You've said a lot of loony things, but this is by far the looniest.

Less credible than Guthy-Renker?

Anyway, at the Challenge, groups of two people from each team had to balance on a ropes course over the ocean. Each person would be on a tightrope, and the couple would have to balance using only rope they'd hold between them. If either teammate were to let go of the rope for any reason, they would be disqualified (and most likely halfway en route to a watery demise). Well, Landon and Alton were up first, and even they -- two of the most agile players -- were having problems; so we knew this would be a tough challenge. After a few false starts, the two guys made it across, thus making them the first and last duo to complete the course. Everyone else failed miserably. Just another poorly thought-out challenge (hey, let's have two people push three tons instead!).

Nevertheless, we were treated to an amusing montage of various people falling in the water, including Mark Long who described his harrowing defeat: "Luckily, I landed in the water feet first because it was a pretty nasty fall." Man, wouldn't want to hit that water faux-hawk first!!

Later, Kina took a rough fall, but sadly, she did not yell at gravity for conspiring against her: "The fact that you would even have a conversation about making me fall is really pissing me off right now!"

There seemed to be some promise with Katie and Derrick, but of course, between his constant state of drunkenness and her general lack of coordination, they were a not a perfect match for this ropes course. "Alright, I got you," Derrick said to Katie, just about two seconds before she plummeted down to the ocean. Way to go, Derrick.

Cara and Suzie managed to get about halfway across the course before they fell in, and when they resurfaced on the dock, we were privy to some classic female phoniness as the two joined into a group hug with Kina and Jillian. Idiots. And speaking of idiots, why the hell was no one pulling the rope as tightly as possible and using each other's weight as counterbalances? Okay, okay, easier said than done. I understand. Hey, I'm a blogger. I have nothing better to do than to complain and act like I'd be totally awesome in other people's situations. (I'd be falling off those ropes so fast, you wouldn't even know what had hit you.)

Ultimately, it came down to the Veterans' last couple: Timmy and Beth. If they could cross the course faster than Alton and Landon's time, the Vets would win the challenge. "I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!" Beth chanted to the camera. For a moment, I thought she could, but then her teammates began yelling at her to hurry up, and well, that old passive aggressive bitch came out again. "Everybody's screaming. I can't do this. Forget it," Beth said, opting to throw the mission to spite her team rather than give it an old college try. Of course, to hear her say it, Beth would explain that she tried, she really did try, but her teammates psyched her out and blah blah blah, I didn't really care. All that mattered was that Beth was headed into the Gauntlet, and her team was P.O.'d at her.

After a dumb Rookie celebration, we then headed to the Gauntlet deliberations where Derrick (who seems to have grown a Brillo pad on his chin) expressed his frustration by dropping his water bottle on the coffee table from HOSTILE HEIGHTS! Oh man. This was gonna be tense! Well, only sort of. Because of the nature of the show, we could hardly spend thirty seconds on this segment, lest we cut into precious Gauntlet time. Ultimately, Beth and the team selected Montana to go into the Gauntlet, and as for the event: Captain's Choice (are there any other options on that wheel?). Beth selected her forté, the Reverse Tug O' War, and then we were off to the sandy showdown on the beach.

I hope he knows about the shower mold on his face.

Posted by B-side on February 1, 2006 3:07 PM