I have to be honest. A lot of people, myself included, originally thought that this was a desperate grab to inject some life into this series. I'm not sure if the people who thought up of this idea were desperate or not, but I hope to one day thank them because the premise looks to be a winner. Take twelve Bunim-Murray characters who think they are the greatest things in the world because they've thrown up or had sex on camera and pair them with twelve new cast members desperate to become famous for throwing up or having sex on camera. Have them fight over some money ($250,000 for the winning team - the most in challenge history), and that's really all you need.

As we started out, our favorite mop-haired meathead Theo immediately disparages the new contestants, complaining that these people are invading his workplace. After all, he wouldn't try to go to their job and try to out-latte them! Oh snap! You, GO girlfriend. That was so funny and you delivered the line so naturally, I had NO idea whatsoever that somebody else wrote that line for you and had you film that segment after the fact.

But as much fun as it is to make fun of the "Alumni", as they are called on the show, it is the fresh meat where we have our real fun. First of all, we get Evan, who immediately evokes memories of The Miz. As an added bonus, he's Canadian. He states that he's young and stupid and very good at making bad decisions. Chances that he takes Mike's place as the goofy and charming meathead comedian? I'd say about 99 percent.

And then there is the girl whose name is Diem. Yes, Diem! Poor girl, she probably is the wet dream of every Latin major in the country (and since I was a Classics minor, I can make fun of all of you!). I can just see the pick-up line now "Hey baby, you can call me Horace, because I want to seize the day." And if you thought that was funny, you probably need to look at some porn.

I can't go into the specifics of every single bit of Fresh Meat, but before I move on to the details of this episode, I have to mention Ryan. With his Chris Cornell soul patch and his Ice Cube bandana, it makes me feel like I'm watching MTV in 1994 all over again. This guy must LOVE Eric Neiss.

As soon as the Fresh Meat arrived, they had to complete a bunch of agility drills. Why? Because they were about to be drafted. Each member of the alumni team had to pick a member of the Fresh Meat of the opposite sex to be his or her partner for the entire Challenge. When you think about it, this is great. Each person has a sort of a mentor, although I hesitate to use that word when Tonya or Tina is involved, and it means that there will be more rivalries than Alumni vs. Fresh Meat all season. By the way, what was Tina talking about when she said that the Alumnus would be at a disadvantage because they were old and out of shape after too much drinking all of these years? Isn't that exactly how she came to us during Road Rules South Pacific? Why is she trying to blame the ugly on age?

Danny got the first pick and he chose Ev, and Coral followed that up by picking Evan. Darrell picked Aviv (not sure if her middle name is Tel) and Tonya picked Johnnie, the buff black guy who looks like a crazy version of Tracy Morgan who has been hitting the gym and not the snicker's bars. Theo picked Chanda, Tina picked Kenny, Wes picked Casey, Johanna picked Jesse, Derrick picked Diem, Katie picked Eric (the first fat guy experiment since the disastrous episode we call Darnell[sorry, that is Donnell - thanks jfazz]), Melinda picked Ryan, and Shane was left with Linnette.

After our host, TJ Lavin explains the particulars of the game; everybody gets a look at their house for the first time. If you've seen any Real World house in the last several years, you probably have a good idea of what to expect. Some beer pong over here, a fat guy doing a cannon ball over there, and all of the people immediately trying to size each other up.

The purpose of being on this show is to be as confrontational and outspoken as possible within the limits of good taste, but for the Fresh Meat, you could tell that they knew they were second-class citizens. Danny and Wes, not happy with the sleeping arrangements, even kicked some of the Fresh Meat out of their bedroom so the two of them could be with Melinda and Johanna.

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Posted by J-Unit on May 31, 2006 1:55 AM