This week's episode began with Casey fearing that she might be targeted by all the vets. Even though she was no longer a newbie on The Challenge, she was still considered to be Fresh Meat by many. She figured her best bet was to ally with fellow untouchables Svetlana and Paula, thinking that three of them could join forces to become an über-monster that would take out the likes of Jodi and, well, "some other people." But pretty much just Jodi.

Derrick, meanwhile, told Casey and the Key West girls that "they" (as in, everyone else) would probably be gunning for them next. I liked how he implied that he wasn't somehow part of the "they" -- just a helpless observer, caught in the fickle tides of the veteran ocean. Nevertheless, Derrick wasn't so sure that Svetlana was going up just yet. "I think Svetlana may be... may be around for a little bit," he said, which pretty much meant that she'd be gone by the end of the show. Or so I assumed.

Elsewhere in the house, Aneesa and Evan were carrying on a highly academic discussion about trustworthiness and the human condition. Evan marveled, "For a little bit of money and a little bit of fame, people are willing to stab each other in the face!" EXACTLY. That's why we watch this damn show. In case you haven't realized, Evan, there's a whole industry based on people stabbing each other in the face for money. It's called reality TV. (Although, they more commonly stab in the back, not THE FACE).

Nevertheless, Aneesa totally agreed with Evan's stunning observation, saying, "Yeah, and I don't get that." Clearly Evan and Aneesa were NOT going to stab each other "in the face" just for a little bit of money and some fame. Instead, they were merely going to embarrass themselves and their families on a national stage.

"My pride is worth more than $150,000," Aneesa then asserted. This would be the same "pride" that led her to pee on camera during The Real World and say numerous idiotic things since then. Chances are that if your pride is worth more than $150,000, you probably shouldn't be coming on these shows. That being said, PLEASE don't leave!

The next day, the teams assembled in some sort of facility where a roller skating rink extended as far as the eye could see. Or something like that. Point was, the gang looked like they were about to participate in an old-fashioned roller derby. I liked it already. Sometimes these challenges are so convoluted and crazy that the producers forget that something simple and athletic is the most exciting of all. Nevertheless, as everyone approached the track, Evan feared that it would be the most physical challenge he's ever been in. More so than that time he had to haul a freakin' truck in the mud? Your hernia begs to disagree, young Evan.

Anyway, TJ echoed Evan's sentiments, saying that this custom roller rink was made for "the most brutal challenge in history." That's right. This was going to be the most challenging endeavor SINCE THE DAWN OF MAN!!!! Behold, our greatest foe: THE ROLLER RINK!!!

Well, here's the way this event worked. The derby would be a ten lap battle for survival. The winner would be either the last person standing or the first one to cross the finish line. There would be two four-men heats for the guys and three three-girl heats for the dolls. These would be followed by a championship round for each gender. But wait, there's more! During the straightaways (or the "action zones"), people could eliminate their opponents by "introducing them to crash pads outside the railings," ie. wrestling them off the course. However, players could not hold onto the rail, and if they fell off the track, they had only three seconds to get back up before being disqualified. Basically: if you fall down, get up; don't touch the rails; and don't get pushed over the side. The female winner would receive immunity from the Duel, but as for the guys, the top dawg would earn a nifty little prize: a BMW MOTORCYCLE. Holy shit! I'm not even a motorcycle guy, but that was crazy! Already we knew that Brad must have had an instant boner, what with his motorcycle fanaticism and all. He had to win this. And don't think that his rivals were gonna intimidate him. He wasn't scurred!

Anyway, the first heat included Evan, Brad, Wes, and Kenny. Off the bat, Kenny and Wes dropped out for grabbing the railing and falling off the track respectively. That left just Brad and Evan to vie for first place. Brad carefully trailed Evan the whole way, and then at the last second, he took down his rival, speeding ahead to the finish line and securing a place in the championship round.

For heat two, the remaining guys hit the rink, and after some general tumbles and spills, Nehemiah and Eric wound up ejected thanks to the three-second rule. Soon, Derrick fell victim to the same fate, leaving CT as the sole survivor. "Don't mess with a man and his bike," he told us, adding, "OR HIS GIANT HAIR."

Posted by B-side on October 27, 2006 4:57 PM