Recap: The Duel: Ebony and Very Old Ivory - 
by B-Side
For the first time ever, I think I saw what appeared to be actual scheming on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge tonight. I'm not talking about loosey-goosey partnerships. It seemed like our old friend Beth actually got some people together and is ready to engage those baddies -- Kina, Jodi, Robin, et. al -- in a full scale reality war. Usually with The Challenge, the alliances are extremely casual, and certainly the scheming isn't at the forefront of the show (unlike massive inebriation, shouting, and general idiocy). Could it be that after over ten seasons, The Challenge kids are wising up to the wonderful world of strategy? Eh, probably not.
Tonight's episode began with the sort of affable yet dumb shenanigans we've come to expect from the Real World/Road Rules men. Wes lay out on a pool table with a ball on his mouth (not a unique experience, I'm sure). Evan then used a pool cue and shot the ball off Wes's lips and towards a nearby hole. I don't remember if the ball actually went in. I was more concerned that Wes had emerged from this incident without suffering any sort of injury as I had hoped. Another dream dashed.
"Man how I wish this were a testicle."
Anyway, this feat of derring-do preceded general goofiness as the guys all wrestled with each other and embraced their inner-baboons. This eventually culminated with them standing around the pool table yet again, but this time, they were pushing all the balls back and forth in what seemed to be billiards gone wrong. Or at least stupid. (Knowing my luck, it's probably a popular game that everyone plays but me. Alright, I'll accept it: I'M A LOSER.)
Sadly, MTV could not show the all-jockstrap antics which followed.
Later on, Nehemiah fretted to Beth that he was gonna be pulled into the Duel, and while Beth didn't agree with him, we knew he was right because the seeds for this were sewn two weeks ago, as per the Bunim/Murray rule of foreshadowing: always have someone fret going into an elimination challenge two episodes prior. Nevertheless, Nehemiah felt somewhat secure in knowing that Beth had his back, and as we all know, no one's more reliable than Beth.
Nehemiah then drawled on about whatever to Beth, but she clearly wasn't listening. Instead, she was giving off major "fuck-me" eyes, as they say, and in case you didn't notice it, MTV was kind enough to slow everything down and play sexy music. All they were missing was a blinking arrow.
"Do you find my blotchy makeup sexy?"
"From the very beginning," Beth said, "He was just drawn to me like a moth to the flame." Yes, a moth that enjoys very, very old flames. That have bad makeup.
The next morning, a more relaxed Beth greeted everyone downstairs, and CT couldn't help but point out how refreshed she looked -- almost as if she had worked something out. You know, like maybe she had had sex with her Tenderoni.
"I cuddled with Beth once," Nehemiah told us defensively. Doesn't matter. Every woman in your groupie drawer is now taking Beth's sloppy seconds. Might hurt the love life a bit...
Naughty, naughty...
Anyway, we then went out to the challenge, which took place on an old ship with a sizable gangplank. I didn't know what the objective was, but right away I knew that somebody had better get seasick, otherwise I was gonna ask for a refund. Oh yeah. It was free. Never mind.
Well, this challenge was fairly basic. Two people would walk out on the gangplank and try to wrestle each other off. First to hit the water would lose. Also, hands would be bound so there'd be no grabbing. Yay! And of course, guys vs. guys, girls vs. girls. Something tells me Eric might excel at this competition...
After a random draw, everyone was partnered up with an opponent, and then the excitement began. Well, not so much "excitement" as "activities." First up were Casey vs. Jodi. Casey was a bit intimidated by her foe, calling her huge and terrifying. "She wrestles alligators for all I know," Casey said. Memo to Jodi: if you fall in the water, avoid the sting rays. Rimshot! You guys had to have seen that coming a mile away...
Jodi, on the other hand, was sure she could overpower wee Casey. "If I can't beat Casey, I'm gonna look like the biggest douchebag in America," she said, clearly forgetting that she had already reached that status when she spent an episode of The Gauntlet II bawling over the love of Mark Long.
Anyway, I was hoping for an underdog victory from Casey, but I had to remember that this was Casey we were dealing with, which meant she fell in the ocean without a problem. Jodi wins! Way to go, non-douchebag!
Next up were Kina vs. Robin, which was kind of like watching a chihuahua going up against a St. Bernard. Needless to say, Robin prevailed. "This challenge is a weight advantage," Kina said afterwards. "Sucks being little sometimes." Other things that suck: being interminably ANNOYING.
Aneesa faced off against Svetlana next, and while I thought Nee-Nee's sturdy girth (which is down from past seasons, I will admit) would power her through, she tragically slipped, ultimately causing Svetty to win. David beats Goliath!
Last but not least, Beth took on Diem, and again, no surprise here. Diem dropped in a second. Who would have thought the girl who just finished chemo would be such a pushover?
We then moved into the female semifinal as Jodi and Beth faced off for the first time. "None of these bitches are gonna beat me!" Beth promised, and then suddenly, we went to commercial. Um, okay. That seemed like a highly arbitrary time to cut away, but hey, sometimes you gotta pay the bills.
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