When we returned, Beth quickly pounced on Jodi, knocking her off the gangplank and earning a spot in the female finals. Next up were Robin and Svetlana, for whom lightning did not strike twice. Svetty was no match for Robin's boobies of power, and soon she was in the water, eliminated from the competition.

We then switched gears to the men where Evan and Nehemiah took to the gangplank. Literally with one shove, Evan sent Nehemiah into the water. Boring. Two seconds later, we saw practically the same thing as Brad seemed to instantly send Kenny to his watery, metaphorical grave. Next up were Eric and Wes, and here's a shocker: Eric managed to simply roll Wes right off the plank. Hey, isn't Wes always griping about partners, saying they inhibit his ability to show off his natural skillz? Yeah, well, you really made a splash on your own here, Wessy. Hey, that was a pun -- splash! HI-larious!

Next up was the douchebag round as Derrick faced off against CT. I once encountered both of these guys here in Los Angeles, and they were bragging about how many MySpace friends they had. Real awesome guys. Nevertheless, I was curious to see which douchebag would reign supreme, and amazingly enough, the lil' scrapper Derrick secured the victory. Say what you will about him, but he is tough. And an idiot. But mostly tough. Kind of makes me want to bust out the old periwinkle tea-cozy hat...

Ah, good times.

We then went to the semifinals as Brad made easy work of Evan, and then for round two, Derrick managed to somehow overthrow the rotund Eric, causing him to later remark, "It feels cool to knock down a 270 lb. dude." Other things that are cool to Derrick: growing a Brillo pad on his chin, getting wasted, and staring at tin foil.

Meanwhile, as we prepped for the female finals, Beth complained to us, "I'm just so sick of Kina, Robin, Jodi, and Diem. I call the girls the Drama Mafia. They're definitely talking and scheming about strategy." Or fake boobs. Probably fake boobs. By the way, I don't necessarily disagree that Kina, Robin, Jodi, and Diem are Drama Mafia, but where exactly does that put Beth? She's known for causing a bit of drama herself. Maybe she's like a Drama Terrorist. OSAMA BETH LADEN! It all comes full circle! Thanks Norman!

Anyway, Beth and Robin battled it out, and surprisingly, Beth at 38 years young beat out her opponent, winning a nifty golf set and lesson which I'm sure will go unused. Afterwards, Beth again complained about people ganging up on her, causing Robin to remark, "Beth, everyone's not out to get you. Stop being paranoid!" Yeah, Beth! Just because we're all talking about you behind your back doesn't mean we're out to get you! We're just gunning for you. BIG difference.

We then went to the men's finals, and while I was rooting for Brad, luck was not on my side. Derrick managed to beat him out and win immunity from the Duel. Blast. Brad, meanwhile, told us, "If anyone at home says that looks easy, you try to get underneath that kid." Something tells me that when it's really late and these guys are all drunk, many of them try to do just that...

It was then time to pick players for the Duel, and it went a little somethin' like this (insert early '90s drumbeat here): Derrick to Jodi to Evan to Robin to Brad to Diem to Eric to Svetlana to Kenny to Kina to CT to Casey. (Insert Bel Biv DeVoe refrain here, aaand scene!).

Ultimately, it was down to Casey to choose between Wes and Nehemiah. Ah, former purveyors of the groupie drawer now forced to face each other. Who would benefit from Casey's mercy? No surprise here (kind of a theme for this show), Casey saved her old partner Wes, which meant Nehemiah was going into the Duel!

Poor Nehemiah. Now he had to choose someone, and to help him get into the spirit, he donned the Towel of Gravitas just to show how Serious this was to him.

"Nehemiah's got something to prove. He may just go straight to the top. I'm a little nervous right now," CT said, presumptuously implying that he was "the top." I mean, in terms of actual heigh, then yes. CT was the top. His hair gave him a solid three to four feet at least.

Anyway, Nehemiah made the semi-bonehead move of picking Kenny to go into the Duel. Seeing that they were both relatively new to the show, they could have been potential allies, but now it was guaranteed that a "Rookie" would be going home. Oh well. I don't really care that much. And what, pray tell, would they be doing in the Duel? Why, it was another go around with the ASCENDER!!! Or as I like to call it, "The thing where you climb up a rope and then do a tangram."

I immediately assumed Nehemiah would be screwed. Kenny just had that "ascending" look to him. But then again, Kenny hasn't always been known for stellar athletic performances. Before we even got to the Duel, however, Beth was busy stirring up drama back at the house. She told Jodi that if Jodi ganged up with people and talked strategy, then she (Beth) was gonna have to play dirty. Since when was allying and discussing strategy with others on par with dirty playing? Eh, who cares. Beth was causing trouble, and that's what I liked.

Posted by B-Side on November 2, 2006 7:57 PM