So you're not dying in anticipation, I am going to give you the big twist without creating too much anticipation. Professor Milton Fine is not dead. He may have impaled himself on Clark's crystals in the Fortress of Solitude, but apparently we were wrong. As the episode opens with a couple of guys in the jungle, talking about an evacuation order and sporting biohazard suits. Your day is already sucking pretty badly when you have to run around the rainforest taking blood samples, but you never expected you were going to come face to face with a Krypton killer who wants to kill you for a vial of some of that tainted blood. Couldn't he have just asked? Did he have to stick that finger through your eye and incinerate the place? It all seems a little harsh for me.

As much as I can't stand Lana, at least she is trying to get their relationship going. After a night of dancing, she is feeling a little horny. It's been a long time since she has had her strapping Kansas farm boy injection and Chloe is pulling an all-nighter at the Daily Planet, so why not have a little bit of fun? Clark desperately wants to be with Lana, but doesn't want to hurt her either. He can't tell her that he isn't sure if his super sperm will hurt her, and there is no kryptonite condom out there, so he has to come up with another excuse. Hey, maybe they can't have sex, but even a little HJ goes a long way, and his tongue hasn't killed anybody yet, so why not get a little creative? Instead, Clark says that he needs to put up some tarps. The mood? Officially killed, but Lana says that she will be waiting for him, no matter how long it takes.

As soon as Lana leaves the Talon, a girl comes up to Clark, and is looking to get some action. Clark is still in love with Lana, so he politely refuses her advances, but she has some sort of pendant and uses it to hypnotize Clark. I am not sure what was in the pendant, but it looked like red Kryptonite, and the effect it had on Clark was similar to red kryptonite, because it wasn't long before he had this girl, Simone, outside and up against the fence like they were at the intermission of a White Snake concert. I thought for sure that Lana would catch them, but instead it was Lois, and while she's looking for some answers, Clark tells her that Simone is his new girlfriend.

'Til the Cops Come Knockin'

Before Lana went back to her dorm room, she stopped off at Lex's mansion after he had called her. Since she had been working with him on the spaceship, he thought it would be good if she knew that he was going to be out chasing Milton Fine in Honduras. He can't tell her anything other than his jet leaves in an hour and he will tell her all about it. By the time Lana returns to her dorm room, she overhears Lois and Chloe talking about Clark. Chloe didn't believe it when her cousin said that Clark is with another girl, while Lois was trying to explain that Clark is just like every other red-blooded male, meaning the brain in his head wasn't the "commanding officer", even if he likes to call it "Captain Clark". Personally, I think Lois is just jealous that Clark hasn't thrown any advances her way. Anyway, Lois walks in and hears that they are trying to keep a secret, but she gets a call, this time from Clark, who says that it is an emergency and he needs to see her right away.

So, what was that emergency? Simone and Clark grew very, very close in a short amount of time. He was so intent on pleasing her, he unintentionally used his powers in front of her in order to get some champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries. Amazingly, Clark brought home everything she needed; he is so inept at romance, I for sure thought he would screw up. If Lana asked for the same thing, he would have brought back some Twizzlers, Nutella, and Alizé. Seeing what Clark could do gave Simone the idea that she, well, wanted to have sex. While they were having sex, why not kill two birds with one stone and have Clark break up with Lana at the same time? If Lana walks in on them doing a little heavy petting, she won't be bothering them for much longer.

|  1  |  2  |  3  Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums

Posted by J-Unit on April 3, 2006 9:09 AM