It's Raining Potentially Gay Quarterbacks! Hallelujah! - 
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St. Louis has the ball again, they score again, commerical again. I’m going to confess something – I thought the Colts were good, so I’m going to look at ESPN. Oh, they’re 5-0. That pretty good, so what wrong with them? I was ready for some football. Hey…and the Rams are 2-3! This is the biggest upset in the history of sports! One of the teams has the ball and there’s a penalty. The ref says "scribbly scribbly, mumblefeet, scribblybump." Everyone knows what that means. God, football has changed so much.
Indy lines up for a field goal, and god bless him, Mike Vanderjack misses the kick. Here’s a history lesson: Mike Vanderjack was raised in a small town in northern Canada. The other children teased Vanderjack, because his name sounded off-color when it was nothing of the sort. Because of this, he killed them with his bare hands (and a gun). His mother found this unacceptable, and kicked Mike oot of the hoose. The young Canadian traveled to America (or Amair-icka as he pronounced it at the time), and that’s the story of how Mike Vanderjack became a professional football player.
Rams back on the attack. Stephen Jackson has the ball again – I’m guessing the Pacers are pissed he’s playing football. I should call and tell on him. INTERCEPTION!!! by Kato Kailin! For whatever reason, a Kato Kailin search brings up news on this 700-mile area of Oregon with free wi-fi internet access. They keep teasing me to move there, damn them. Between that and the nothing else in Oregon I like, I’m almost ready to move. (Disclaimer: I’ve never been to Oregon.)
Edderengine loses the ball! There’s some disagreement over whose ball it is, as tends to happen in situations like this. Edderengine doesn’t seem to care – I think he was into my idea about the 15 straight fumbles. Commercial – I’m going to eat some tuna. Let me ask something, and maybe you can answer for me in the comments section. For like the last 10 years probably, I’ve been a dedicated tuna eater – like right out of the can. Probably four times a day I do this. Everyone I’ve ever lived with thinks it’s weird. Is it, or do I just choose to live with weirdos?
Ooh! My guests are here! Finished eating just in time. These are my friends from my book club:
Clockwise from the panda, that’s Muffy, Alf, the turkey is Ricky Davis, then A-Diddy, Cookie Chicken, Ralfie, and the pumpkin is Bubbles. We’re in the middle of The Sound and the Fury. They’re going to watch the game, which is now at the 7:53 mark of the second. Bob Barker’s kid Brian is kicking for the Rams, and he’s 41. 41 years old – not like #41. I thought something hilarious would come out of me for that, but I’ve got nothin’.
2:00 warniing and the Colts are closing in. Al gets analytical, theorizing that fans want to see a touchdown. Then he gets dirty and says that more than that they want to see "Manning to Harrison". Nice, Al. Way to spread rumors about Peyton Manning’s homo-erotic secret lifestyle with recently-divorced-from-Golden-Globe-winning-actress country music singer rumors.
TOUCHDOWN INDY!!! Al says Tim McGraw will be telling us about football at halftime. 17-14 Rams, and they’re going to play with these last couple minutes and try to score. They’re doing a nice job; John says the offensive line can get after you. Al says "like-a like-a bag a chips, wat-wat-wat-ungh." He’s hosting an MTV awards show next year. FIELD GOAL RAMS!! 20-14 the STL. Their holder is named "Looker", which might be gold for the recap. Let’s go to NFL.com and take a gander.
Not what I was hoping for. Here
:
Now there’s the Looker I wanted to find. By the way, don’t ever, ever, ever go to the Colts website. Your eyes will never be the same again. Also, don’t ever, ever, ever ask me why I went to the Colts website to find a Rams player. Remember, I flunked out of college. That all took me forever, and here I find myself in the middle of the 3rd quarter. Cookie is mad – he says I’m not paying attention to the group. The score? I have absolutely no idea, and it’s a commercial.
Here we are: 20-17 Rams. John says Peyton was arguing with his offensive line. Over ass-grabbing or crotch grabbing? Al says he "kicked it with the Pey-town" once, and he doesn’t think he’s gay. John has a pretty convincing counter-argument, explaining that he’s actually had sex with Peyton before. It gets pretty quiet after that, until Al says something about Star Trek that I completely missed. You know what would be funny? If Al and John were blogging about me blogging about them. We could link to each other!
Hey, Tony Parker and Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs are at the game. When can I blog NBA basketball? I’d like to try that!
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