This week's episode began with what else? A crab scampering in the dark. What pray tell was this busy little crustacean up to? By the looks of it, he seemed to be transporting a rock, a symbolic action that represented the ever toiling Ulong Tribe as it returned to camp dejected and weary. In the previous episode, Ulong had to sit through three different votes: one to grant immunity (that went to Ibrehem, or "Ib"), one to kick of a tribe member (that was a draw), and one to serve as a tiebreaker (bye, Angie!).

"That may have been the craziest Tribal Council I've ever been to," said Ibrehem, adding "I actually had to speak! What's up with that? Shit, I've already said too much for today." Ibrehem then pursed his lips and refused to answer any more of the producers' questions.

With the Ulong tribe down to four people, it was time to adopt a new strategy. Luckily, Stephenie had a plan. "Not only do we need to have great listening skills," she started, before being rudely interrupted.

"Yeah, everybody needs to listen," interjected James, clearly not listening to Stephenie.

But she battled on, trying to make her point heard: "I mean—"

"Keep your ears open and listen to your teammate!" advised James. Okay, this whole "listening" thing is probably not going to work out. The key is when you want to "hear" what your teammate has to say, you've got to actually "shut up" for a second and let her "finish" her sentence.

By now though we should know that James, while colorful, is also sort of an idiot. Plus his nose has become more triangular with each passing episode. Anyway, he immediately bashed Ibrehem, telling the gentle giant that he was supposed to go, not Angie. Luckily, Bobby Jon had Ib's back. "We didn't win the beef stew. Whatever," he moaned, noting that the game was more than some crappy bowl of chum. Bobby then caught a minnow with his giant fishing spear and then sighed, "Yeah, that beef stew probably would have been nice."

The next morning, we were treated to a random montage of Ibrehem praying. A closeup of a tattoo revealed that he was Muslim, but interestingly enough, CBS was sure to not actually spell it out, lest Middle America revolt and switch over to Joey. Yes, there's no telling how all the Toby Keith fans would react when discovering that the most soft-spoken cast member of the season believes in Islam. I mean, that's crazy talk! What are they trying to do? Debunk stereotypes???

Nevertheless, we'd already spent too much time with the losers at Ulong. It was time to move on to Koror, but we had a feeling all was not well on Home Depot beach. A wayward bird snatching a fish from the surf suggested that maybe, just maybe, it was time for Koror to crumble. Or at least go fishing. Drama at the tribe, however, was mild to indiscernible. However, there were some grumblings about Katie, as usual. While everyone was out gathering wood, fetching water, or helping the camp in general, our resident whiner sat by the picnic table and made necklaces. "Today was craft day," announced Coby in an interview, quickly revising his statement to only apply to Katie. Ah yes, could this finally be judgment day for Katie?

While there may not have been a lot of drama at Koror, there at least was some comedy. Puppet comedy, to be specific. Coby, fresh from bashing his lazy teammate, allied with Katie to put on a sock puppet show which probably wouldn't have amused anyone normally, but hey, when you're stuck without a TV, anything will suffice. Amazingly, Katie pulled of a funny as she screetched, "I'm Bobby Jon. I love everyone. I look like Jesus Christ." Okay, that was pretty good. Katie gets ten seconds of appreciation. [pause] Okay, now we can hate her again.

By the way, now that about five minutes have passed on the show, has anyone noticed how much weight these people have lost? Yes, this is officially the "skinny episode" —  the installment when you take a step back and notice how thin these survivors have become. Coby, Stephenie, Tom, and Ibrehem all seem to have shed quite a good amount of weight. In other news, Kirstie Alley has applied for next season of Survivor.

I wonder who's been hoarding all the food at Koror...

Anyway, at Koror, Katie finally got off her ass and fetched the tree mail. She returned to camp happy and annoying. "Guess what's on the tree mail?" she asked with grating perkiness. She continued: "It starts with a 'P' and ends with a 'ul'!" Everyone at the camp merely stared blankly at this odd hybrid of the Early Bird and Grimace, hoping she'd maybe die in the next ten seconds.

Posted by B-side on March 28, 2005 4:41 PM