The episode began with Stephenie, Ibrehem, and Bobby Jon reeling from yet another Tribal Council. Man, that's some tough shit. Too much Jeff Probst for the ordinary man. Steph informed us that she was embarrassed, totally embarrassed. Don't worry, so are we. Meanwhile, we knew the end was near for the team when for the first time all season, literally, we saw Ibrehem having an actual conversation with someone. Now, I know I like to joke about how quiet he is, but literally, pretty much the only time we've ever heard him say anything substantial has been during interviews or Tribal Council. Hearing him shoot the shit was as jarring as that time from last season when Scout and Chris made out. Ewww.

The newly chatty Ibrehem tried to keep a positive outlook on the whole tribal situation, saying, "Maybe in some weird way this is gonna pan out and work out in a good way for us." Um, yeah. That's not gonna happen.

This note says "You are pathetic." Hey, that's not very nice!

Over at Koror, Tom greeted the morning with some casual crunches, which is good. He looked like he had been packing on the pounds with that steady diet of coconuts, clams, and starvation. Speaking of clams (somewhere, Rachel and Veronica perked up when I wrote that), Ian headed out to sea to find some wayward crustaceans or possible some barnacles. Much to his luck, he returned with a sizable clam that the tribe all pried open with gooey delight. Katie remarked that the clam was so big, it could have been like Botticelli's "Birth of Venus". Well, yeah, if Venus was born from an old, crusty, slimy clam. More like the Birth of Francine, the Hobo from Newark.

Well, just when Ian was feeling all proud of himself for providing the ingredients for an old fashioned clambake, Tom just had to go out and one-up him. The blood from the clam (man, a bloody clam? That is DISGUSTING) attracted a shark, and much to no one's surprise, madman Tom jumped into the surf with a machete and slain him some shark meat. With blood dripping down his shoulder and a maniacal laugh to boot, Tom once again proved to be the fearless leader keeping this tribe strong. Later, he remarked that the cat was out of the bag that he's strong. Uh, yeah, that cat left the bag after you single handedly carried the team through its first two immunity challenges. Ian, meanwhile, was bitter that his clam tomfoolery had been one upped. He joked that he'd have to go out and catch a humpback whale now. Yeah, but if Ian reeled in a whale, you just know that two seconds later, Tom would come to shore hauling an anchor, and attached to it would be a barge full of steak, lobster, and chocolate. I'm telling you, he's Superman.

Later that day, teams received tree mail that their reward challenge would involve making a distress signal. Ah yes. An oldie but goodie. Well, not really even a goodie. Sort of just like an okay-ie. I kind of felt badly as Ulong tore apart their shelter and bathroom for their help signal. They just wanted to win so badly. They'd even sacrifice their own shabby shelter for the reward, even if it was just another can of Pringles. "We're gonna see if work can overtake smartness right now," explained smartness expert Bobby Jon. You know, they burned their shelter. That's got to count for something in the distress signal world.

Well, a plane carrying Jeff Probst and some other guy passed over Ulong's camp, causing the three beleaguered members to cry out for their lives. Ibrehem stood quietly by the ocean and waved a flag gently, but in his world, that's pretty much the equivalent of him yelling "HELP US! GOOD GOD HELP US!!!!" Bobby Jon however flailed his limbs about as he raced after the plane, eventually tumbling into the ocean like a spastic pelican. Unfortunately for them, Koror managed to form a larger, more creative distress message that was set farther down the beach than Ulong's, therefore placing it in open view. As the plane flew overhead, Gregg, Caryn, and Katie jumped around and tried to make a scene as best they could. For her part, Caryn danced around as if she were at Joyce Berkowitz's Bat Mitzvah. I half expected her to start a Hora right there. Man, I love Caryn. Oh, and if you think I'm being anti-Semitic, I'll have you know that I too am a Member of the Tribe (and no, I don't mean Koror).

Posted by B-side on April 5, 2005 9:03 PM