Nevertheless, Koror won the challenge, causing Caryn to yell "I'M SO HAPPY!!!" You'd think they'd be used to winning things by now. Honestly, with all their rewards and their spiffy shelter, you'd think they were at one of those rustic resorts by now. I half expected the latest Real World cast to paddle in with their STA Travel bags. But no, they didn't show up, and neither did Ulong, who by now must have been praying for a merge. Alas, as the plane flew over their camp with nary a consolation prize to give away, the Little Team That Couldn't had their hearts broken once again. Okay people, you know the drill. Sit in the outrigger and hang your heads low. There we go. That's the Ulong we know and love!

Over at Koror, Mark Burnett was funneling in the tom tom music, which meant someone was doing something stupid. Sure enough Gregg and Jenn were canoodling around, showering each other with sweet nothings and forgotten kisses. Don't really know what brought them together. I'll wager to say it's because they're the two most attractive people on Koror. That, or they both really dug the double letters at the end of their names. "Hey, maybe your nn and my gg can go out on a date sometime," is how I imagine Gregg kicked off this romance. Later, Gregg expressed concern that his constant need to play the game was making him a bad date. He asked Jenn what she thought about their relationship, saying "Do you have any thoughts on that?" Actually, Jenn, do you have any thoughts on ANYTHING? As Jenn babbled about something in an interview, I thought man, she's really cute. You know, like Nermal the world's cutest kitten cute. You can probably just touch her stomach and she'll giggle like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

As romantic tension cut through Koror like a dull spoon, Ulong found reasons to celebrate. Bobby Jon had caught a fish! Granted, it appeared to be the size of an iPod, but hey, a fish is a fish! Maybe this was a good omen? Sure enough, moments later, Ulong received some tree mail. It basically said that the upcoming immunity challenge would be a puzzle and if teams were smart, they'd work out a strategy beforehand. Hmmm... I suppose the important phrase there was if teams were smart. According to Bobby Jon, Ulong was a little short in the smartness department. Well, to give you a sense of what type of challenge they'd be facing, the tribes had to do one of those slider puzzles where you have fifteen pieces and one free space to maneuver everything into the right order. Now, when I was younger, I had one of those on my computer, and honestly, there's a simple pattern to the whole thing that anyone who has forty five minutes to spare can master. So as Ulong sat down with their sample puzzle, I felt optimistic that they might actually pull this one off. And then I remembered that they were Ulong. As we watched the threesome furrow their eyebrows over the little puzzle, I felt a sense of dread, especially when Bobby Jon announced his strategy: "Keep sliding them around!"

After an ample amount of practice time, both teams descended on the immunity challenge which had them coming face to face with an ill and hoarse Jeff Probst. Too much bloody clam? You know, that didn't even make sense, but for some reason, I feel the need to vomit now. Ulong proudly announced that they had caught a fish, but their spirits were soon dampened by Koror who announced that they had caught a shark. If these two tribes had to be portrayed in an amiable but forgettable movie, Ulong would be Ben Stiller and Koror would be Owen Wilson.

Anyway, the actual immunity challenge required the teams to do the slider puzzle, except now the grid was floating in the water. Two people would swim along and move pieces back and forth while one person would call from a pontoon overlooking the puzzle. Coby took the job of caller for Koror, and immediately he busted out some gestures not seen since my last flight on Delta Airlines. He may have been telling Janu to move a piece over, but he may have well been alerting her to the emergency exits. Sadly, Bobby Jon was the caller for Ulong, and unfortunately his maintained his strategy of moving pieces in random order until finally they all finally popped into place. Needless to say, it was a mess. After half an hour (about the amount of time that it should have taken the teams to complete this elementary task), Bobby Jon swapped out for Steph, and with some careful editing and several shots of Janu apparently dying in the water, Mark Burnett tried to have us believe that Ulong was catching up. Sadly, they didn't even have a shot, and Koror won their sixth straight immunity. Later, on the Early Show, I learned it took about ninety minutes for this challenge to run its course. Honestly, what is wrong with these people? Has it ever taken anyone that long to do this puzzle? Granted, I know you've got to account for the time it takes to swim and move the giant tiles, but still, this is ridiculous.

Seriously, the first piece was already in the proper position.

Posted by B-side on April 5, 2005 9:03 PM