The episode began with - what else - a crab in the dark! Yes, the crustacean species had been quietly overlooked recently; so it was nice to see the little critter shuffling around in top form again. I wonder if the crabs all hang out together and brag about their on screen exposure: "Hey, I booked another Survivor gig this week. Yeah, apparently they really liked my whole 'stand still and then suddenly scamper' bit. They said it really flowed. So I'm going back." Wow, did I just do a crab monologue? That's pretty crazy.

Anyway, Koror returned to their Home Depot furnished beach where Stephenie vented frustration at her team mates for nearly voting her off (skanks a lot, JANU!). Like a dutiful Jersey girl, Steph ran her mouth, guilting Tom and everyone else for turning on her when they'd said that she was in their alliance. In an interview, she explained to us that she was mad and wanted to get to the bottom of all this, but at the same time "hope I don't shoot myself in the foot." Oh, surely that wouldn't happen. It's not like she's chastising her teammates. Oh wait...

Ever the gentleman, Tom decided to diffuse the situation by throwing some condescending softballs at Steph. He happily noted that he had won immunity, but at Tribal Council, Steph had been the one to actually earn it. "Somebody earned their own immunity!" he said with the patronizing tone usually reserved for parents of small children. Then Tom actually HANDED her the immunity necklace in a symbolic gesture of fake friendship. Somehow, this did manage to mollify Steph's temper, although if I were her, I'd be enraged, especially when Tom told her that after Janu's display at Tribal Council, everyone would have changed their votes anyway. Gee, thanks. The implication was still that Steph's the outsider. Unfortunately, Steph didn't seem to have the wherewithal or energy to take on the tribe's alpha-male, and simply resigned to enjoy the rest of her evening.

The next morning, however, Stephenie was still unnerved. She approached her alliance-member, Katie, and asked "So is the four-strong gone?" Katie simply gave a blank look and replied, "Which four is that?" Uh, so I guess the answer would be YES. Steph immediately knew something was up and sought out more answers, and with a discontented tribemate on the prowl, Tom acted quickly. He called a tribe meeting and told the team not to penalize him for his previous strong performances. "Don't give me the 'Tom's a threat, we gotta get rid of him line,'" he said, adding "Let's use the 'Stephenie's a threat, we gotta get rid of her' line instead. That's not hypocritical, right?" Conveniently, Steph was nowhere to be found during this performance. I don't know where she could have gone. I imagine Katie had said to her "Hey, can you go get some water? But, you know, from the well that's like an hour away? THANKS."

Unfortunately for Tom, his little spiel really rubbed the women the wrong way, and they all decided to band together to oust the boys. With a four to three advantage, this appeared to be a savvy move. All they needed to do was alert Caryn of this master plan. That shouldn't be too much of an issue, right? Right?

We'll get back to that later, but for now, we had a Reward Challenge to deal with. "Our Tree Mail came in a little... purse or a, uh, money folder," explained Tom. Money folder? I think the word you're looking for is "wallet" or if you want to get really fancy, "Billfold." I know, me with the crazy vocab again!

Anyway, when money surfaces in the reward challenge, it can only mean one thing: food auction! For some reason, I truly love this event. And apparently so does Caryn. "OH FUN FUN!" she exclaimed upon hearing Jeff Probst introduce the rules. Seriously, she hadn't been this excited since the time Karen Adler got her front row tix to Tina Turner in '89. Simply the best, if you will.

In a twist from previous years, every item - not just a few select ones - was covered, making the entire auction feel very Let's Make a Deal. Jenn took a risk on the first item up for bid and wound up winning a big ice cream sundae that had her trembling with joy. Steph and Caryn split the next lot, but when they went up to retrieve their food, Probst pulled out a second covered plate and told them they had five seconds to choose which one they wanted. Oh so tricky, Probst! No wonder why you have that devilish grin! The ladies eventually selected the newer dish, and when our host revealed that the first item was cheese and crackers, Ian let out a groan from the stands. Turns out he loves cheese and crackers, which makes sense since he appears to be as thin as a saltine and as foul smelling as rotten cheddar. Nevertheless, Jeff revealed plate number two which turned out to be a savory cheeseburger. The women went ballistic, and Caryn even did a little dance previously not seen since, well, Tina Turner '89. Meanwhile, Katie scowled bitterly in the corner. Somebody feed her, STAT!

Posted by B-side on April 29, 2005 3:49 AM