Moments later, Sally approached Austin and suggested that he and Nick create an alliance with her and Misty. "It feels like kind of even because it's two girls, two guys," Sally reasoned, as if that really mattered. Austin didn't commit, but now he and Nick were officially stuck between two alliances, which could wind up burning Dan's little utopia. Either way, one person no one seemed to care about: Ruth Marie. Smell ya later, Ruthie!

Meanwhile, over on Exile Island, Bruce received a clue about the immunity idol's whereabouts. Written on a piece of parchment, he first read Misty's hint (which had the word "why" in quotes every time it appeared. Really should have been single quotes, given that it was already part of a quote, but that's neither here nor there). As for clue #2, it was much less cryptic than Misty's. "It is up above the tide line," the parchment read (plus there was a nifty map showing where on the island it was not located. So basically, the idol is above the ocean and near something that looks like a Y. (And let's not forget that "Y" on the tree trunk we saw last week. This is more perplexing than Lost!)

Before Bruce's treasure hunt could begin, he had to take care of the basics, like starting a fire. Easier said than done, especially if you break the flint, which is exactly what Bruce did. Oops. Well, what else to do than practice some martial arts. Bruce then did some karate chops, shouting and bulging his eyes all the way. Kind of made me wonder what it would be like to see him and Jeff Probst reenact the final scene of The Karate Kid. I don't know who would play who. It almost doesn't even matter. All I know is that Bruce is awesome.

PASSION!

Elsewhere on the islands, the La Mina kids decided to sail out on the open water and do a little fishing with their new equipment, including a handy dandy spear. Even though Terry was clearly the most adept with the new tools, for some reason, he let Sally and Nick head out together instead. "I just don't want to lose it. That would be the worst," Sally said forebodingly. And what did she do? You guessed it. She lost it. Yes, after one failed practice shot, Sally forgot that most important rule of Spear Club: don't let go of the spear, you IDIOT! Not wanting to make her feel bad, Nick told her it was cool, just an accident -- which I suppose it was -- but I'm sure he was enraged inside. Kind of like Terry, who could barely hide his disappointment when he found out what had happened. I'd feel badly for him except it was his own damn fault for not doing the fishing himself. Perhaps my favorite reaction, however, came from Misty, who kindly told Sally not to worry -- they'd make their own. Yes, sounds easy enough. They'll just use all those spare elastic bands and metal prongs that grow next to the papaya trees.

Eventually, it was time for the immunity challenge, where Jeff casually asked how the tribes were. Misty said everything was great at La Mina (except for that whole fishing spear snafu). Shane, meanwhile, took Jeff's perfunctory question as an opportunity to hear himself speak once again, this time complaining, "I'm not going to lie. We are in a dire situation. The whole like 'Oooh, let's act like we're doing all right so the other tribe thinks we're...' you know what I mean? Screw that. We're not in a good way." Shut up, Shane. He's the sort of guy you never want to IM because when you write "How are you?" he'll respond "Not well," and then you have to sit and listen to his problems when all you wanted to do was exchange a small-talk greeting.

Anyway, for the challenge, teams had to race boats from a pontoon to shore. Five tribe members would bail water from the vessel (there were holes, natch), and two members would swim underwater and try to move a massive anchor. Once on shore, they'd have to clip their boat onto a pole and then place a "zombie head" on top of a big ol' zombie skeleton to win. Well, the competition began, and within seconds (of TV time, at least), La Mina had created a sizeable lead. But Probst wasn't about to give them credit for their good work. "La Mina in the lead, but only because Casaya is absolutely inept!" Probst yelled. He just can't resist kicking 'em while they're down. I think Jeff Probst is the only host that actually taunts and shames contestants during competitions.

Well, no surprise here. La Mina easily won, which meant that Casaya would have to face Tribal Council. Facing this hardship, Shane immediately threw in the towel, whining to us, "I want a cigarette. I want a coffee. I want my latest edition of Hipster Monthly." Okay, he didn't say that last thing. But I'm sure he was thinking it. Nevertheless, he babbled about his son again and then ultimately approached his tribemates and said, "I want you guys to vote me off." Well, so much for the final four. Whatever happened to not being dramatic? Courtney was waay bummed that her hipster cohort might be leaving, and Aras, his hair freshly faux-hawked after a dip in the ocean, was also remarkably upset. The two began convincing Shane to stay while the three outsiders, Melinda, Bobby, and Cirie, smiled with glee.

Posted by B-side on February 13, 2006 4:24 PM