Tonight's episode started off with the always unsettling image of storm clouds gathering. Danger was in the air, and our favorite dysfunctional tribe, Casaya, seemed primed for another round of craziness with a side of bicker. And when it comes to crazy, no one else can hold a candle to Shane and his smorgasbord of psychosis. Sure enough, while everyone was asleep in the shelter, the marketing exec / burgeoning lunatic (the two terms really go hand in hand) was still awake, eyes wide open. I'm pretty sure all of America was about to witness its first mass murder on reality TV. I didn't know who was in charge of the machete, but they had better hide that thing. Yes, Shane was angry, nay, FURIOUS about something. A crab probably looked at him the wrong way. Or maybe there was an unauthorized palm frond on his thinking stump.

Well, Shane turned to his sleeping (or dozing) tribe mates and said, "We made the wrong decision tonight, Danielle. And we made that decision because of your personal feelings. Period. And it's a bad, bad, bad thing." Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it Shane who proposed cutting Bobby first? Wasn't it he who had said something along the lines of "Bobby, period." And wasn't it Shane who had lamented the switch to Bruce, saying that it was a huge mistake? So what was he getting his panties in a bundle over? Maybe it was general paranoia. Or maybe it was nagging regret that he had made a second harebrained pledge on his son's life. Gee, I'm sure Shane Jr. really appreciates being used as go-to leverage on the island. You'd think that after being trapped in his alliance, Shane would realize that maybe swearing on your kid isn't the best strategy. Nevertheless, he was clearly feeling guilty about the whole Bobby ordeal, and as a result, he was blaming everything on Danielle. Well, she had a perfectly appropriate response. "Shane. Shut up."

But if there's anything we can depend on, it's death, taxes, and Shane's inability to ever be silent. He continued to ramble on, saying that Bruce was old and nervous and a detriment to the tribe. Keep in mind that Bruce was RIGHT THERE. As in three feet away and awake and listening. But Shane didn't care. He was in his own world of lunacy. He then announced that he wanted to leave his alliance, but couldn't because he swore on his son (oops!). By the way, is anyone else starting to wonder if his "son" is really just a giant cigarette he's nurtured for eight years? It's highly likely.

Well, Shane then told Danielle that he did not trust the "impulsive" decisions she and Courtney have been making, and he didn't trust that they'd make good decisions down the line (and of course, Cirie lay there silently, taking eeeeeverything in). Because Danielle happens to be one tough cookie, she simply told Shane to go to sleep and stop annoying her -- they'll discuss everything in the morning. To that, Shane sneered, "You're such a victim, Danielle." Uh, you attacked her. That would make her the victim, idiot.

The next morning, Cirie was ever so happy to gossip to Courtney, who missed all the drama because she slept her fire dancer ass out on the beach -- perhaps she was on the lookout for any wayward tortoises that might wash ashore pre-dawn. Anyway, Courtney could not believe the news and said that if Shane wanted out of the alliance, fine. They'd release him... from the island. Danielle soon joined the bitch session and echoed Courtney's sentiments. Shane was gone baby. "He's just a lunatic," she said (congratulations. You finally figured it out.) The scene ended with the girls laughing triumphantly. "See ya later, goodbye!" Danielle said, predicting Shane's revenge. Of course, Mark Burnett is way too shrewd to play his cards this early. Why would he blatantly tell us who's going home right at the top of the show (unless it's a poetic swan song episode, but that only happened once. Whattup, Rupert?). And so we had a sneakin' feeling that this plan was going to backfire in some strange way. Either Casaya would win immunity... or hey! CBS did promise a Tribal Council like none other. Holy shit, this thing was about to get crazy!!

Over at La Mina, things were considerably more peaceful. We found Dan sitting on the beach, staring at the water, enjoying nature. "Another beautiful day in paradise," he said, regrettably paraphrasing Phil Collins. It was hard to deny his statement though. Fish were jumping in the waves, crabs scampering amidst the tide, and sun shining on the beautiful Panamanian island region. All that was missing was a little Vivaldi. Or actually, maybe a Claritin balloon with Joan Lunden.

Posted by B-side on March 10, 2006 2:24 AM