The hour started off on a rather mundane note: the Gitanos tribe was hungry, and they were running out of food. Fishing was proving to be an exercise in futility (thanks again for losing that spear, Sally), and with morale low, it seemed like the castaways might be stuck on a steady diet of rice and beans until the end of the game. Of course, hunger is the perfect catalyst for all sorts of shifty behavior on Survivor, and Terry was ready to capitalize on that. Or I should say, Terry was ready to TRY to capitalize on that. Again. Yes, Terry's attempts at scheming have all been major failures, but he was still ready to try again. "It's really imperative to try to make some allies," he told us. Hey, why start now?

Elsewhere on the tribe, Shane was walking around with the sort of expression that seemed to say, "I'm about to go real crazy on y'all in about two seconds." Sure enough, his mental state was in total decay, and when Cirie said, "Uh oh. Shane's going on his thinking rock with his Blackberry," I knew we'd be in for a treat.

Yes, Shane had gone from "We call him crazy, but deep down, we know he's not really crazy" to "Okay, he needs to be committed." Apparently he had found a small piece of wood that had reminded him of his own cuddly PDA back at home. "I was like 'Wow! Blackberry!' It reminded me of my Blackberry!" Except it's a piece of WOOD. You know, when most people project images onto inanimate objects, it's usually something supernatural or highly religious: the Virgin Mary, Jesus, a ghost, a lost relative. With Shane, it's a freakin' Blackberry. I'm surprised he didn't pick up a rock and say, "Oh my god!! This is just like my optical mouse!!! And this branch: it reminds me of the padlock I use at the gym. The memories!"

Anyway, after discovering this divine piece of wood, Shane said, "So, I grabbed it, and I've just been playing with it." Yes, he's been playing with his giant wood chip. Pretending it was a real Blackberry. Really makes you respect the sophistication of Wilson the Volleyball.

Courtney, meanwhile, looked at Shane's "Blackberry" and said, "Cute." Wow, when even Courtney is politely humoring you, you know you've really gone off the deep end. Nevertheless, Shane was totally won over by his Blackberry. "It's got texting, email, phone, web browser. It's got everything." Yes, except again it's a PIECE OF WOOD!

Oh, but it gets better. Shane then informed us that he wasn't just playing with the "Blackberry," he was actually using it too. "I'm communicating with people not on this island!" he happily revealed. No, you're communicating with people not in reality. Still, he was totally convinced that his wood chip was the real deal, and we even witnessed him "sending" an email. "Check mark. All good!" he proudly announced. Seriously. He's lost it.

"He's nuts," Danielle said. Yeah, what she said.

Shane and his limited edition, all wood Blackberry.

Later, after we had ogled Shane's deteriorating mental state long enough, we went to the Reward Challenge which was your garden variety obstacle course with a twist. The tribe would be split into two teams of three, with each grouping being attached to a rope that would run the length of the obstacle course. The teams would have to navigate down the rope, and at the final platform, they'd unclip and race across a "lily pad run." Sounds dainty, yes? Kind of like some game that children play during afternoon tea in London. "Mummy, can we go on our lily pad run now?" "Yes, but only after you've finished your scone, love." Sorry, tangent.

Anyway, after the lily pad run, players then had to dive into the water, get a bag from a chest, and then go all the way back to the beach via the same obstacle course all over again. The winners would get a barbecue at a private island (Exile Island, perhaps?), and the losers? Well, they'd just be stuck with nothing.

With that said, Jeff split the teams randomly into Terry, Danielle, and Courtney vs. Cirie, Aras, and Shane. The challenge began, and from the getgo, Cirie's team was already having problems. Okay, basically it was just Cirie. Let's put it this way: she's not the best physical prototype for this kind of a game. She struggled with the very first obstacle, forcing Aras and Shane to lift her up and literally fling her over a small hurdle. And let me tell you something, you haven't seen flinging until you've seen Cirie gettin' flung.

Posted by B-side on April 28, 2006 1:52 AM