Later, the guys had to essentially roll Cirie onto a platform, and then moments later, all three wound up all tangled in their ropes, ultimately putting the kibotch on any hopes of staying in the competition. The other team, however, was doing just fine. They were already at the lily pad run ("'Allo, Mum!" Sorry, I'll have to make a British sound every time I say "Lily pad run") and quickly pulling away from their competition. Eh, tangle or no tangle, Cirie's team would still be behind. Honestly, I love Cirie but can you seriously imagine her doing the lily pad run ("Guv'nah!")?

If there's one person who doesn't like to see a blowout, it's Probst, and he immediately adopted his asshole gym teacher persona as he browbeat Cirie's team. "You need to get movin'! You are taking too much time!" Jeff yelled. Oh, simmer down. Take a second to enjoy the finer things in life: like Cirie's breastsesses floating in the water like two conjoined buoys.

Nevertheless, this Reward Challenge quickly became quite silly, seeing how Cirie's team was hardly even trying to untangle itself anymore. Jeff definitely was not happy as he yelled, "Get your asses out of that water! Let's go!!" Gosh, relax! I'd hate to see him at a Little League game. He'd totally be that parent who stands in the bleachers and yells at the ump. Phil Keoghan, on the other hand, he'd be great at Little League games. But you know he'd have his kids taking art classes instead; so it wouldn't even be an issue.

Well, no surprise here. Despite a last minute scramble by Shane to grab one of the submerged bags, Terry, Danielle, and Courtney easily won this challenge. Oh, and they got to send someone to Exile Island. Sorry, Aras. That person would be you. And with that, the three losers retreated back to their depressing lives while the winners braced for a wonderful BBQ.

But first! We weren't done with the Reward Challenge just yet. Probst revealed to the winners that the three of them would now be duking it out for... (in my Rod Roddy voice) A NEW CAR! Ah yes, that most beloved and most reviled or rewards. According to Survivor legend, whoever wins the car never wins the big jackpot. But still, who can deny a new car? Especially a big, roomy one like the GMC Yukon that was up for grabs this time around. Well, for this part of the challenge, Danielle, Courtney, and Terry had to aim sling shots at tiles. The first to break a set of three would win the car. I'll spare the details of this event, which seemed rather quaint following that whole big, elaborate obstacle course. This whole challenge was just a lot of sling shot action with occasional glimpses of Danielle's armpit hair thrown in for variety. At one point, Courtney and Terry were tied with only one tile left each, but guess who won? That's right. Terry. Gosh, I'm sick of him winning things. But on the other side, if the curse keeps up, this means that he'll lose the big prize, and that would be awesome. (Oddly enough, I just went to the CBS website, and Terry is the most popular with viewers by crazy amounts. Why, people? Why?)

Anyway, we cut to commercial, and when we returned, we found Aras doing yoga on Exile Island. It was cool, but nothing compared to Bruce's awesome ka-rah-tay exercises. Those were the bestest. Aras then babbled a little bit about why Exile Island sort of sucked now, but since we didn't really care, we just headed back to the reward victors and their wonderful afternoon. "We were airplaned off to a far island," Terry told us. I never knew "airplane" could be used as a verb, but hey, learn something new (and incorrect) every day.

Well, Terry, Danielle, and Courtney flew to some other island, and as they landed in a lush, verdant meadow, Courtney exclaimed, "Oh, it's gorgeous!" I assumed she was talking about her surroundings, but no, she was talking about the GMC Yukon. Gotta love the blatant shilling. I'm surprised Courtney didn't then tell us, "Seeing that powerful vehicle sitting there in the field made me realize how no one's life can ever be complete without a sensible and reliable GMC Yukon."

Of course, Terry lurved his new car. "It was righteous, man!" he cooed. Totally gnarly! (Hey, at least he didn't say "bling bling.")

Once the Yukon love-fest had run its course, the three started up their BBQ and had a delightful time. However, it wouldn't be a reward without a little scheming, and so Terry chatted up Courtney to get an idea of what she wanted to do for the final three. "I would do anything to get us to the final three," Terry told her, playing up this new bond that he supposedly had with her and Danielle. Ever the impressionable girl, Courtney said she was ALL for it. Apparently she'd had her eye on Terry for quite a while. He was the only one she had a chance at beating, she felt. Now, with an alliance forming, Courtney revealed that she wanted to vote off Aras and then Shane next. For once, it seemed like Terry was actually accomplishing something with his terrible scheming. Mazel-Tov.

The two then presented the idea of going final three to Danielle, and at first she seemed to go along with it, but she was suspicious of Terry. Obviously he'd want to align with all the girls because he could beat them all in challenges. And so Danielle agreed to the Terry/Courtney plan but warned us, "I'm not going to make this so easy for him to win." i.e. -- she wasn't going to settle for third place.

Posted by B-side on April 28, 2006 1:52 AM