Blood, Fire, and Upsets: The Survivor Finale! - 
by B-side
Twice a year, a night comes along that most reality fans embrace like Christmas (or for those of us not of that persuasion, Hannukah... or any other gift-giving day of the year. Arbor day, perhaps?). Anyway, the night of which I speak is Survivor finale night, and yes, that night has come and gone yet again. For a season like Exile Island, I always approach these climactic evenings with mixed emotions. On the one hand, we know thirteen weeks of vicious backstabbing and Machiavellian plotting will culminate in a raucous evening of wits and determination -- and with a little luck, some bitter jury member rants to boot. On the other hand, it also means the end of a great ride, one that may or may not be duplicated next season. For now, let's focus on the positives, and man, were there positives on last night's finale. From the fire-starting tie breaker to the random reward challenge to the nerve-wracking immunity challenge to the jury confrontation, the show could be summed up by one, beautiful word: unpredictable. A fitting way to end a great season.
The two hour finale started off exactly where we had last left off: with Cirie and Danielle competing in a tie-breaker challenge at Tribal Council. For anyone who had missed Thursday's episode, each woman had received two votes and now they had to determine their fate by attempting to start a fire. Things started off promisingly for Cirie as she was the first to get a decent-sized flame. It looked like she might be a lock for this competition, especially as Danielle struggled to get even the smallest ember glowing, but then her healthy blaze suddenly receded, and both women were back to square one.
As intense as this was, perhaps the most exciting part of the entire challenge was watching whether or not Danielle's boobs would come popping out of her top. They certainly were threatening, and the more Danielle attacked her flint, the more her cleavage seemed ready to liberate itself and flap in the Panamanian breeze. There were surely some major mammary undulations going on, and I couldn't help thinking that with all the heaving and jiggling, Danielle's chest was acting like some sort of makeshift bellow system. How else to explain her previously non-existent fire bursting into huge flames? But just when the momentum had shifted to Danielle, her fire suddenly died out, causing her to seethe, "Mother!" You know, we've seen a few of these fire challenges before, but this was by far the most exciting.
Anyway, Cirie suddenly managed to resurrect her flames, but once again, she lost it in a matter of seconds. Good god, woman! Build the damn fire!! Well, something in Danielle's head clearly clicked because she suddenly remembered that a strong campfire is not built on kindling wood alone. She quickly assembled a small tent-like structure with larger pieces of wood, and sure enough, after she lit her kindling for the umpteenth time, she was able to sustain and grow her fire. Long store short: her rope burned through, and she won the challenge, effectively sending Cirie home (booo!).
Well, Cirie had made a fantastic run, and given that she'd been on the chopping block from day one, her final four placement was highly impressive. Still, I was quite sad to see her torch snuffed out, but alas, we can't get everything we want. "Cirie, the tribe has spoken," Jeff said. Actually, it's more like the laws of physics and chemistry have spoken, but that's neither here nor there.
And so with Cirie gone, I had to find a new person to get behind. I couldn't root for Terry on account of me thinking he was a smug jerk, and I couldn't really back Danielle because, well, she had aligned with Terry. That only left Aras, but he had a faux-hawk. How could I approve that? I guess I'd just have to keep watching and see who I'd naturally root for.
Back at camp, the remaining Gitanos tribe returned -- and don't worry. No one placed a torch inappropriately near Terry. Still, there was tension around the campfire. How did I know? Because the music told me so! Yes, the soundtrack was full of ominous music, and as we saw Aras sitting alone in the shelter, we knew something may be afoot. But what?
Terry then babbled to us about the pact he had made with Danielle -- a pact that they'd take each other to the final two if they could. "Danielle and I are going to take it to Aras, and we're going to the finals," he bragged. Hmmm... Terry bravado + Terry's inability to scheme + ominous music = something's not right. Odds that Aras will win the immunity challenge: uh, I don't know. I'm really bad with odds. Let's just say 3-2. Point is, nothing's ever simple on Survivor. Someone says they're going to the finals, and chances are they ain't going to the finals.
The next morning, Terry returned to full gloat mode by pulling out the now useless Exile Island immunity idol and showing it to his tribemates, specifically Aras. The yoga instructor seemed to be totally transfixed by this doll, but that's probably because he was just using it as inspiration for a new hairstyle. Thank God Shane wasn't around. The voices he'd probably hear from that thing would probably have him bashing someone's head over a rock.
Anyway, no one really cared about Terry's immunity idol except for, you guessed it, Terry. He then launched into typical bragging about general things such as being able to open a coconut with one swift machete chop. To his credit, it was a fairly impressive strike. Aras tried to accomplish the same feat, but sadly, he was only able to get about one inch through. And so ended the Great Coconut Chopping Games of 2006.
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