This week's episode began right away as the pre-show recap led directly into the action, not the opening credits as usual (a little trick from The Apprentice). Anyway, we started things off at the Aitu beach directly after Tribal Council as a mixed crowd of crabs and rats carried on a veritable Spring Mixer amongst the various coconuts around camp. My mind nearly exploded seeing all these critters: too... many... metaphors...

The banquet came to an abrupt close, however, when those infernal humans returned to camp. As everyone grappled with the post-elimination malaise, Yul expressed guilt for voting Cecelia off the island. Of course, that didn't make Ozzy feel any better, especially now that he'd lost his ally from the original Aitu tribe. What else to do but sulk around camp? At one point, Yul asked him something about crabs, but Ozzy curtly snipped back, "No. I don't like hermit crabs." Baby don't like hermit crabs, then baby don't get hermit crabs!

Well, just because Ozzy didn't like crabs didn't mean he couldn't act like one. He complained to us about being on the outside, and as we all know, there's no better way to improve outsider status than by moping around and being a dick. "If they want to vote me out, they should do it soon so I don't have to keep catching food for them," he whined. Woe is Ozzy, the reluctant fisherman!

Ultimately, he honed his inner spoiled seven year old girl and declared to us, "I don't feel like playing along anymore!" I'm sure Billy would love to hear that after Ozzy had orchestrated his elaborate ouster.

Speaking of Billy, his wayward temptress Candice returned from Exile Island the next day, and immediately, Jessica was full of questions. Why would the other team have sent her to Exile Island? Candice surmised that it was because she was young and stuff, but Jessica believed that Adam and Parvati were intending to protect her and their original whitey alliance. This all blew Candice's mind, causing her to say, "I don't know. You guys are asking good questions because I haven't even thought about any of this. I didn't have time!" Seriously, she had no time. It's not like she was stuck alone on an island for twenty-four hours.

Actually, what we thought was Candice acting moronic was merely just an act. She suspected that Adam and Parvati may have been protecting her from going to Tribal Council, but she didn't want to let on that there could be any ties; so she just went about acting dumb. At one point, someone informed her that since she missed Tribal Council, she was therefore immune from it, causing her to remark, "I didn't even think that!" Okay, Candice. C'mon, that's not playing dumb. That's playing borderline retarded.

Meanwhile, over at Raro, as a curious lizard poked around the shrubbery, the manly men all sat around on their asses, not doing work -- perhaps reminiscing about those heady days of yore when they'd all pick up rocks and walk around with them for no reason. JP, who was rapidly aging before our eyes, informed us that the four guy alliance (himself, Nate, Adam, Brad) was definitely relaxed. And why shouldn't they be? After all, they were in the minority on their team, and it's not like Survivor is a numbers game or anything like that. Oh wait...

Truth was they were banking on the fact that they'd rock every single competition from here on out; so why even worry about Tribal Council if you ain't gonna be going there in the first place, dawg? You feel me?

Anyway, the first test of this RaroMen Magic came at the Reward Challenge, which began, as usual, with Jeff imploring everyone to "C'mon in, guys!" You know, Jeff, you're standing outside. There's no "in" to go into. "Over" would be the more proper preposition, I believe. Nevertheless, enough with the semantics. Let's hear about today's overly elaborate challenge! It was one of our old favorites: let's strap people to a rope and make them climb around things. Yes, two people from each tribe had to be attached by a belt to a rope that snaked around many, many obstacles. Everyone else had to gather round the bound people and push and pull them through the course. After the obstacles, the tribes would then encounter a puzzle that would need to be decoded. And just how does one decode these puzzles? Simple! Someone would have to swim out to a barrel in the ocean, dive down, unclip a little decoder wheel, and return to the puzzle with it. Then the tribes could decode the puzzle. First to solve would win pillows, blankets, and a hammock. Easy peasy!

Well, Jeff swung his arms in his traditional way, and the challenge officially began. The two teams were neck-and-neck at first as they struggled to move their members through the obstacle course. Of course, Probst provided commentary all along the way, and I particularly enjoyed his Ron Burgundy-ish comment, "It's easy to get confused in this MAZE of rope!" Oh, the maze of rope! How it beguiles me so!

Posted by B-side on October 6, 2006 4:15 PM