The next morning, Jenn's team was ready to attack their mission. Pamela sent shudders across the nation as she debuted her midriff-baring "I'm NBA friendly" outfit. Meanwhile, the lovely ladies of Genworth returned to scowl and exude crabbiness. After careful inspection of their faces, I couldn't help wondering if maybe these women were actually trannies from Santa Monica Boulevard. Either way, they sure made Pamela's jowls look sexy.

Over in Greenwich, Kelly's team was having some internal chaos. Apparently when John and Raj had broken the Genworth sign, they had just left it on the polo field in some misconceived hope that it would simply dissolve into the Earth. When Elizabeth ordered them to pick it up, the two guys hopped on a John Deer cart and zipped off to the clubhouse. Well, Elizabeth wouldn't stand for that. She and her cameraman buddy hopped into their own John Deer cart (memo to Raj - slash her tires next time) and chased the guys down. Ultimately, she cornered them and announced that she was going to be a dictator. This led to a general bickerfest, but luckily Kelly was there to handle the situation. "The only problem are the feelings," he told the group, then adding "By the way, I still love you guys so much. Group hug? Let's go have some cheesecake and talk about Blanche and Rose."

Okay, that last part didn't happen, but Kelly did ask if everyone could all be nicer. Yes Dad. Everyone apologized to each other, with Elizabeth stating "I'm sorry if I came in here today acting like a dictator." That's okay. We know you didn't mean to, even though you did say "I'm going to be a dictator." Apparently she meant dictator like Mussolini, not Hitler. You know, all tough and angry, but basically ineffective and less memorable (and without the sweet mustache).

Back in Jenville, XBox had shown up to provide a video game lounge for the NBA players. This was all fun and great until the power shut off right when Los Angeles Clipper Corey Maggette was in the middle of Halo. The Microsoft guy was understandably peeved, but I think that was because with each passing minute the NBA players went without video games, the greater the chance they'd realize they were hanging out with a dorky Microsoft guy. And I think we can all agree: dorky Microsoft guys really suck. Luckily the power returned — thanks to a happy facilities woman who I'll just call Doris — and Corey was able to get back to his game, as evidenced by about twenty shots of him playing on the couch.

Meanwhile, Kelly had a few fires to put out as well. Actually, it wasn't so much fires as it was spray paint. Apparently the Wisk logos on the grass were unacceptable to the Polo fields manager Chris - aka the darling of the Upper East Side. Paint on the field can make the horses nervous, and by horses, I mean stodgy WASPs, but luckily for Kelly, Wisk was fairly lowkey about the situation and told him to just slap the logos in the next best place. This led to an intense logo quest as Kelly scoured the area for the perfect Wisk location. Ultimately, Kelly bumped into a field painter who helped him move the logos to a better place. Was it me or did the painter have an uncanny resemblance to David Duchovny? Times must be really tough now that the X-Files are over.

Suddenly the soundtrack changed to an up-tempo and jazzy (READ: urban) selection of public domain music as we gazed upon the odd sight of George Ross meandering around a basketball event. I would have enjoyed watching George figure out what was going on around him ("So the ball goes IN the net?"), but NBA commissioner David Stern arrived and jovially agreed to take over Chris Webber's emceeing duties. I'm sure he'd be just as good. You know, older Jewish guy instead of a young black basketball star. If I closed my eyes, I'd have had a hard time figuring out who's who.

After what seemed like an eternity, Trump finally arrived at the basketball game in his usual quiet way. And by "quiet" I mean descending upon the park in a helicopter and then riding a Gem car (aka The Trumpmobile) to the event with a gaggle of children chasing after him. Honestly, this was one of the most hilariously self-indulgent images I have ever seen of Trump. All it needed was an announcer to austerely say "Donald Trump: Beloved by children across the globe. His touch brings them joy and good health. His smile brings them fertility." Surprisingly enough, Trump didn't pick up his cell phone and tell Rhona to cancel all his appointments for the day. I mean, pack of ravenous children or not, he's GOT to fake cancel his fake meetings. That's like a tradition.

Anyway, Trump finally arrived and eventually met up with Jenn. Then suddenly there was a little noise which sounded vaguely like "Hello Mr. Trump." After careful inspection, we discovered that it was Stacy R. who stood almost as tall as three cases of soda. Adding great contrast to this was former basketball star Bob Lanier, who the cameraman couldn't even fit into the same frame as Stacy. Gotta love really short and really tall people. Oh, and by the way, Stacy was NOT in the hoard of children racing along the Trumpmobile. Nevertheless, as Trump surveyed the court and the players around him, he joked "I used to think I was tall!" Pause... two... three... four... now laugh sycophants, laugh! Unfortunately, Trump appears unequipped to pick up the comedy baton that Rodney Dangerfield left behind.

Posted by B-side on December 17, 2004 4:04 AM