At least Alex was forthright about his fish-out-of-water status. "What the hell do I know about G-Wheels and 'C'mon, how you doin'?" he asked, ironically wearing a prototypical gangsta down jacket. Now, I didn't know that "C'mon, how you doin'" was as much of a Harlem thing as it was a general salutation. At least Alex didn't walk up to a Crip and ask "Can you explain 'Sup cuz?'" Because then he'd be dead. Yay gangs!

Off da chain!

It seemed fairly obvious that Magna would once again be heading to the boardroom considering their ability to communicate with the Harlem neighborhood seemed completely impaired. However, when Trump bellowed this week's message, "Shut up and listen!" I second guessed myself. After all, as Tara adamantly stuck to her Mean Streetz approach, it seemed like she was actually going against Trump's advice, and that's never good.

Nevertheless, Tara was attached to her idea. I guess one person's stubbornness is another's commitment. When a chipper Jill Kramer showed up, Tara immediately jumped at the opportunity to explain all the social and symbolic levels to her painting. Um, she did realize this was an ad, right?

As the sun set and the teams grew weary, squabbles burst out in the Net Worth camp. Audrey and Craig had a little run in over some amazingly dumb painting issue, and while the producers wanted us to dwell on the conflict, I personally was distracted by Craig who, like Tara, chose this episode to come out of his shell. Yes, Craig finally spoke, and oddly enough, he sounded like Bill Cosby. Especially since he kept calling Tara "Claire."

Magna meanwhile decided it was high time to get a plan. Alex found some local kids who suggested the group incorporate the image of cash falling from the sky. Wow, I guess you can really get in touch with the demographic if you shut up and listen. Hey, wait, that's what Donald Trump said too! Hmmm... I wonder who will win?

With the added perspective of the Harlem kids, Magna suddenly had a direction. "Mad props it is! Bling bling it is!" yelled Alex exhuberantly as he embraced his inner thug. And what better way to conceptualize mad props and bling bling than via a giant, cash-holding fist with the word "BLING" tattooed onto it. When Bren of all people suggested this, Alex responded, "That'd be tight!" Yeah boyyyyy! See Alex? An afternoon in Harlem and already you're catching on!

The next morning, Trump decided to tour the graffiti sites, and luckily for us, some studio session musician was kind enough to slap together his very own Donald Trump rap. The lyrics were mostly indiscernible, but occasional lines like "DT's in the hood!" and "Trump in da stretch, gonna see what's next" reassured me that this young MC would never live out his 8-Mile dreams. That is unless he plans to battle some homely lady from human resources.

Click here to listen to the rap song. The audio sounds a little muffled at first but then becomes sharper. The moment the sounds improves corresponds exactly to when Trump's limo door opens; so we're supposed to believe that he actually was listening to this in his car. Bravo, sound engineers!

Eventually the teams finished up their graffiti, and the executives from Sony came by to judge. Tara immediately took all credit for the mural, noting that it was her vision and her idea etc. Of course Chris was none too pleased with this as he yelled in an interview: "ALL SHE SAID WAS I, I, I, I , I!!!!" He then picked up the park bench near him and threw it across the road. Five people died.

Still, Net Worth was pretty confident about their piece, and when the focus group made up of local residents walked in, Tana couldn't contain her excitement. "Oh yeah!" she exclaimed quietly. What was she so exuberant about? Did Uma Thurma walk in?

After examining Net Worth, the execs shuffled a few blocks over to Magna where Alex explained how much the locals love mad props and bling bling. Okay Alex. I know those are the only two hip hop terms you know, but the more you say them, the less cool they become. Actually, they weren't very cool before you knew them either. Just... stop talking.

That evening, the teams gathered outside the boardroom and waited a whole hour (as evidenced by an old fashioned clock transition) for the Playstation guys to finish talking with The Donald. When they finally were allowed in, the candidates watched footage from the focus groups. Tana had a proud, I-Took-Tylenol-And-Now-My-Headache's-Gone look about her which quickly faded as it became evident that Net Worth was going to lose. I half expected her to shake her head and say "Oh shucks! Golly!" Instead she stood quietly with her team as Magna cheered at their victory.

As a reward for winning, Magna headed to the studio of some hoity photographer to get portraits done. Unfortunately, the photographer denied Kendra's request for a novelty photo of her on a magic carpet. While the models curiously circled around Bren and his bow tie, Trump showed up to partake in the activity. It was pretty cool, but seriously, when was the last time Trump DIDN'T show up for a photo op?

Trump visits a Roosevelt High School computer class

Trumps brings warmth to Mrs. Klein's third grade class

Anyway, the crew took some nice photos, but I had a hard time believing that the portraits would have cost Vogue $100,000 each. I also had a hard time figuring out why Stephanie was the only one who seemed to be getting a full makeover for her photo. Man, she really does have a sense of entitlement.

Posted by B-side on February 25, 2005 7:43 PM