Avoid the Noid - 
by B-side
I have to say, I felt slightly let down by this week's episode of The Apprentice. I mean, it was still fun and entertaining, but NBC had hyped it up to be Chris's big, crazy meltdown episode, and honestly, we'd seen better. Yes, I did appreciate his cursing, and yes, some of the finger pointing and customary teeth-sneering was very exciting, but at the end of the day, he never quite reached the fever pitch of that one time when he sassed off to George. Man, that was great. The good news though is that we still have next week, and maybe even the week after that. There's always room for a Chris breakdown, and if we don't get what we want, I propose that NBC just follow him around with a camera until he just completely loses it and winds up in the looney bin or at least a holding cell.
This week's episode began with Chris in good spirits, however, as he returned successfully from the boardroom. This was no surprise to Stephanie who happily mixed metaphors by saying "You can only use your sex appeal for so far." This, of course, comes from a woman whose sex appeal rides back seat to a supernatural ability to age ten years with the flick of a light switch. Honestly, Stephanie has more hidden muscles and wrinkles than... well, I just don't know. I guess that makes her a freak, right?
Well, Stephanie's not just a freak; she's a tormented freak. Losing Erin last week meant that she'd have to deal with the verbal harassment of Angie and Chris all by herself, and to paraphrase her, shapeshifting facial expressions can only protect you so far. Within minutes of her return, Angie was already lambasting Stephanie for not helping out more during the Home Depot mission. This moment was particularly interesting because as the two girls bickered, Christ simply sat next to them and laughed. But he didn't just laugh. He let out a demented, semi-retarded cackle. It was the sort of sound you'd expect an inmate to make before yelling "Pretty flower!" Up until this point, we'd never actually heard Chris laugh. I mean, we'd seen him laugh with his jaws wide open like a crocodile, but no sound ever seemed to come out. Hearing his actual laugh simply fortified his image as a nut case. I could describe it, but you might as well listen to it here.
Chris finds the girls funny. Also funny to him: string, rocks, and shiny objects.Meanwhile, as Chris chuckled with homicidal glee, Kendra, Alex, and Bren gathered together in their cozy confines and elected Bren to be the next Project Manager. It was important to have a founding member of the team as PM because they've been the backbone of every mission, they noted. The three made a pact to stick together, and as they sealed their agreement with some limp high-fives, we of course knew this group was not going to last more than five minutes.
The next morning everyone descended on the Trump Grill, deep in the bowels of Trump Towers. As usual, we found The Donald chatting it up with a random employee in a wonderfully staged scene. This time, Trump was talking to the head chef of the Trump Grill, Chris. How's the buffet, asked Trump. "It's the finest one on Fifth Avenue!" replied the happy chef. "It's the finest in the city," corrected Donald, noting the need to talk things up. Okay everyone. Just simmer down. It's just a buffet. And besides, this is New York City. The only place where it's cool to brag about a buffet is Vegas.
Anyway, moments later, Trump alerted the two teams that there would be a corporate reshuffling. Net Worth was ordered to pluck someone from Magna, and after some deliberation, they chose Alex. Well, so much for that Magna core. Oddly enough, Alex hugged everyone with tight embraces as he joined his new team. Seemed kind of like an overreaction. Maybe Tana was secretly holding a gun to his side. They saved his life!
With the new teams now in place, Trump launched into a monologue, noting that the Trump Grill was the finest buffet in the United States. Whoa! It's getting better by the minute! In two more minutes, it will be the best in the universe! Take THAT, Saturn Smorgasbord! By the way, in terms of best buffet in the country, Crystal from Wilkes-Barre, PA would like to nominate the HomeTown Buffet for its divine green Jello.
Anyway, just as we thought the teams would have to run a buffet of some sort (I was expecting to hear "The buffet industry brings in FORTY FIVE BILLION DOLLARS a year"), Trump then switched gears on us as he noted that he's supremely proud of the Trump Grill's pizza oven. Okay, this is a bit excessive. I'm sure it's a great pizza oven, but honestly, how great can a pizza oven actually be? Next he's going to tell us how proud he is of a garlic masher or some toothpicks (although, to be fair, Trump Toothpicks are made of gold). Actually, Trump used this pizza oven discussion to segue into the real task: create a pizza for Dominos with new toppings and then sell it on the streets. Hey, that sounds like fun. Oh, and in case you're wondering, the pizza business is a THIRTY TWO BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY. Didn't see that one coming.
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