Over at Net Worth, the chaos was coming to a boil. Stephanie decided that rather than call the construction workers in Brooklyn to cancel the orders and refund the money, she would deliver the food HERSELF. Real smart, Project Manager. Even worse, she was going to take the subway. Honestly, she could have just been fired right then.

But wait! There was more inanity, or should I say insanity on her team. While Steph was trekking across the boroughs, a small altercation broke out. Alex told Chris that they were behind on three deliveries, a comment which resulted in a minor curse-storm from our hot tempered candidate. "Dude, you need to frickin' stop yelling at me, okay?" said Alex in a calm, but annoyed tone.

"You serious?" responded Chris.

"Yeah, I'm serious. I don't like you yelling at me like that. You doing this [Alex points his finger like Chris did], I don't like that. Okay dude?" said Alex. Okay, that was a reasonable and direct thing to say. Surely Chris would have a mature response, possibly an apology.

"Get the f--k out of my face. Don't talk to me like that AGAIN," replied an angry Chris. Okay, maybe he's a little cranky.

"Seriously?" asked Alex, obviously surprised by Chris's reaction.

"Seriously. You need to get the f--k out of my face." Chris then slammed a scalding pizza in Alex's face and kicked him in the stomach fourteen times. Well, maybe that didn't happen, but surely Chris was fantasizing about it. Honestly, I was surprised we didn't see more from this dust up. You just know that Chris turned to Alex and yelled, "I AM VERY SHORT TODAY! DO NOT SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY ON ACCOUNT OF MY BEING SHORT AND SUCH!"

Luckily, by the time Carolyn showed up to take a gander at the team's progress, all tempers seemed to have calmed down, and even Stephanie was back from her odyssey. Sadly, Net Worth was unable to roll out the red carpet for blondie, but they were kind enough to point out a pizza on the floor, apparently the fault of "the boys". See, I KNEW there was more to that fight!

Afterwards, during a cab ride home, Alex told Stephanie about his fight. "Chris screamed at me," he said, fairly inaccurately. Granted, Chris was, well, short with him and yes, he cursed and was rude and dumb as usual, but technically, he really didn't scream. Well, the teams arrived at the boardroom to hear the results of the competition, and Angie, perhaps taking a page from dearly departed Erin's attempts at sexiness, decided to show off her ta-tas for the occasion. Normally a fan of neckscarfs, neckties, and pretty much anything else you'd find on a stewardess, Angie opted to sport a low-cut top that had her jiggling all the way to her seat. Next week: a bikini top perhaps?

Anyway, Carolyn and George revealed that Magna had unsurprisingly beat Net Worth by about a hundred dollars or so. This meant that as their reward, they'd be having breakfast with Trump in his famously understated apartment. While Magna celebrated, Net Worth pouted back to the suite where the rumor mill could finally get underway. Stephanie, who had previously been told that Chris had screamed at Alex, upped the drama a bit by telling Angie that Chris had actually threatened to kick Alex's ass. By the time Angie gossiped to Chris, the story was something like "Stephanie said that Alex said that you threatened to chop off his head with a chainsaw and murder his entire family using scissors, a whisk, and some electrical wire." Chris took the news well with his new patented version of rage: the angry laugh. It's quite exhilarating actually. What Chris does is he tries to act relaxed by laughing off whatever stress-inducing problem comes his way, but then after a few forced chuckles, his face contorts into repressed rage and pain, taking his homicidal tendencies to a whole new level. Look closely next time and try to find it.

Never one to be slandered, Chris immediately confronted Alex about what he had been saying, and according to the editing, Alex didn't logically say "Hey, I didn't think you'd kick my ass, but I also thought you were being rude and threatening in a work environment." Instead, Alex insisted that he feared Chris would take a swing at him. Looking at the transcript alone, I could see Alex's fear, but honestly, as crazy as Chris is, this was not his most scary moment. To be fair though, Chris had his own warped perception of the argument. He claimed that Alex had gotten in his face and yelled "Don't EVER, EVER talk to me like that!!!" So apparently Chris not only spews rage but hears rage. Honestly, just wave a red towel in front of him, and he'll come charging. Nevertheless, even though his own perception of the incident was completely askew, Chris still managed to throw around his new favorite catchphrase: "I SPEAK FFFFFFFFFFACTS!" Well, it's more like he yells inaccuracies, but hey, we'll let him cool off before we tell him that. Sadly, the potency of Chris's "ffffacts" statement was severely undercut by the lack of a surface for him to drill his index finger into. That, and he tried some lame passive aggressiveness at the end by saying "But whatever. It's okay. You do what you've got to do." Come on Chris. Don't even try. Just stick with the borderline psychotic/embarrassing rage.

Say it Chris. Say it: FFFFFACT!

Posted by B-side on April 4, 2005 10:44 PM