Avoid the Noid - 
by B-side
Much happier was Magna, who the next morning arrived at the golden shrine to Trump that is Trump's apartment. As The Donald descended from his room, Tana let out a midwestern squeal as she said "Oooh good morning!" Why, had I not known any better, I would have thought he had just entered the lobby of a Days Inn. Breakfast went off without a hitch, and of course there were several "Mangia!" puns to be had. Trump dazzled all with a gripping account of how his dining room table had been moved into his apartment. Apparently he needed to erect a special crane to haul it in. Wasn't that excessive? Couldn't he just go to Ikea? And honestly, what sort of real estate magnate doesn't have a properly sized freight elevator for his own penthouse?
Anyway, enough of these silly questions. Let's get to the Boardroom. Stephanie immediately blamed Chris for the loss, saying he was difficult to manage, was a nut case, and um, basically, he's crazy. Then Trump learned about the infamous fight between the two guys. Alex explained that he was giving a promotional model some help and that "Chris sees me, thinking that I'm flirting with her." Alex then added "I mean hellllooo! I was just inviting her to the Cher concert. I didn't get this Barney's sweater just for the hell of it. Bitch." Anyway, the two guys continued to bicker, and Alex revealed that he thought Chris might take a swing at him. "I'm not gonna hit him. I don't know why he thought that," Chris responded with his anger laugh. Yeah, I don't know why Alex thought that either. It's not like Chris has a proven track record of being an absolute lunatic. And that is a FACT!
Chris tried oh so hard to be CasualChris RelaxyPants (no relation to SpongeBob SquarePants), but his rage still managed to seep through. I suppose that's because every time Chris speaks, he curls his upper lip and flashes his chompers in such a way you think he might just bite a piece out of the nearest person. "Do you have a psychological problem?" asked Trump. (The answer is yes, by the way). Unsurprisingly, Chris used a convenient batch of euphemisms to soften up his image. "My level of intensity and aggressiveness can be construed as a negative thing," he argued. Isn't that what Hitler said also?
Luckily for Chris, Stephanie did such a horrible job as Project Manager that she began to crash and burn right there in the boardroom. Carolyn bashed her for not making sure the promotional models were working the crowds. George bashed her for targeting NYU dorms which would most likely be vacant at noon time. Of course, the most glaring error she made was her little trip to Brooklyn. Stephanie offered up some lame excuse, saying she wanted to keep her word to the construction workers, but Donald pretty much tore her a new one on that front. Plus, it didn't help that Alex completely slammed Stephanie by saying that she was the least qualified person to be there. Ouch. Very ouch.
Eventually, it came down between Steph and Chris. Weak leader versus cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Chris attempted to prove his determination by noting that he had quit chewing tobacco. Trump simply shrugged his shoulders and thankfully noted it had only been for two days. Yeah, I'm not sure that counts as being on the wagon. At the very least, that's like getting to your feet, seeing the wagon coming in the distance, and getting read to hop on. Still, wagon or no wagon, in the end, Trump fired Stephanie for her inability to show grit and smarts as a leader. I suppose it was inevitable. She really had screwed up the task. Trump, however, seemed unsure about his decision. First he scolded Chris as he left the room, and then, as usual, Trump asked for George and Carolyn to back him up. Of course, they reassured him that he made the right decision, and The Donald finally seemed at ease. Later, in the cab, Stephanie bashed the high school grads, saying that they had no tact, no class, no manners and no loyalty. I would argue that Tana doesn't fit that mold, and besides, didn't Alex just feed you to the wolves? That didn't seem very loyal. Looks like this was one meatball masterpiece that wound up... um... I got nothing. Really wanted a good pun there.
Anyway, I forgot to post this weird picture of Stephanie from last week. Check out those dynamic facial contortions. I didn't even know people could do that. It's like a mustache made of muscles:
Do you think Trump made the right decision? And who was in the right -- Chris or Alex?
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Comments
Awww, B-Side, you did one of my very favorite typos in one of the early paragraphs--"Christ" instead of Chris. It's special!
And YAY to the screenshot of Steph's Joker mouth! Muscle mustache! yay!
Posted by: Jess | April 5, 2005 7:38 AM(#1 of 23)
Jerk! ha!
By the way, did anyone else get annoyed by Chris's constant use of the word "individual"? He won't say "guy," "girl," or even "person"....but "individual". And that long, vowely word coming from his dip n' scar-riddled lips sounds weird.
Posted by: Jess | April 5, 2005 7:51 AM(#2 of 23)
How the heck does Stephanie do that with her muscles? It's amazing! (she's still pretty tho)
Wow you do come up with the craziest vidcaps of the apprentice candidates. The Carolyn one(now on the top banner) is priceless.
Getting vidcaps of angry Chris is easy though. His laughter in the audio clip. Wow. He's like a happy little 8 year old, in a 21 year old's body.
Posted by: British | April 5, 2005 7:54 AM(#3 of 23)
Did anyone in their area see a Papa John's ad? It was an Apprentice knock-off. Seemed a bit odd a Papa John's ad would be on an ep featuring Domino's. Oh, yeah there was a Dominos' pizza ad as well during the ep.
Conflict of interest?
Posted by: British | April 5, 2005 7:59 AM(#4 of 23)
Yeah, I saw that too! And wasn't the Papa John's one for a meatball pizza, no less?
Posted by: Jess | April 5, 2005 8:04 AM(#5 of 23)
Papa John's already has the meatball pizza out and advertised - not sure if this came out shortly before the show or right after.
Posted by: Crystal | April 5, 2005 8:04 AM(#6 of 23)
I also loved the typo: "as the two girls bickered, Christ simply sat next to them and laughed." Then Christ added: "You people have nothing on me. Did you know that the Christianity is a NINETY EIGHT BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY?"
Posted by: Brian | April 5, 2005 8:14 AM(#7 of 23)
Thanks B-side for totally making my day with this recap.
We can only hope that this week we get some full on Chris rage. Oh, and by the way, you are genius for pulling out the old noid ad campaign. Maybe Chris could get a job with Dominos being the new noid.
Posted by: Betsy | April 5, 2005 8:54 AM(#8 of 23)
I could picture Chris in a noid outfit, throwing temper tantrums.
I still wanna see the Maria Boren commercial that aired in some other market during last week's airing. You would think she would have it on her website for glamour. I guess I'll check www.reallyhugecorsage.com.
Posted by: British | April 5, 2005 9:03 AM(#9 of 23)
How about:
Looks like this was one meatball masterpiece that wound up... a counterfeit calzone.
Posted by: garyp | April 5, 2005 9:59 AM(#10 of 23)
Thank goodness Stephanie is gone! And take those wrinkles with you! She's got more lines than Whitney Houstin in a bathroom stall! Dang!
Posted by: jaded | April 5, 2005 10:07 AM(#11 of 23)
I love how when Trump was explaining the task, he said something like, "....design a new pizza. I like meatball" and then both teams just happened to amazingly make meatball pizzas.
Did anyone else notice that?
As far as Chris and Alex are concerned, I mean in most workplaces, it's not OK to point a finger in someone's face and say get the F out of my face, the average person would be fired, or at least written up or something, so Chris' time will come soon. On the other hand, the way it looked on the show, Chris was working hard, sweating, and making like three pizzas at a time while Alex was spittin' the lamest game ever and standing on his hip. That would piss anybody off, and when you are dealing with a psycho-watch out! So I think Chris was dead wrong, but Alex brought the verbal beatdown upon himself, then acted like a punk and made more of the situation than what it actually was by saying that he felt "threatened".
Posted by: joslyn | April 5, 2005 10:10 AM(#12 of 23)
Wow was Tana getting booted from Net Worth a blessing. She ends up winning over and over. Heck, Net Worth does so bad they have to throw Alex at them, and still it doesn't help.
Angie's on thin ice, sadly.
Posted by: British | April 5, 2005 10:41 AM(#13 of 23)
Normally I like to fix my typos, but in this case, I'll let everyone enjoy the random "Christ" references. After all, what is TVgasm if not a religious sanctuary?
Posted by: B-Side | April 5, 2005 10:46 AM(#14 of 23)
Three things:
1. Chris (and Christ, for that matter) scares the bejeezus outta me.
2. The Trump-apartment-decorating business must be a 10-BILLION DOLLAR industry (damn, that place is ugly in a pilfer-the-rich-guy-for-all-he's-got kinda way!)
3. After all the hype at breakfast with Trump telling them that Domino's was going to market their meatball pizza, the commercial we saw was for ... Cheeseburger Pizza! What the?
Posted by: iTurnedOutTV | April 5, 2005 11:38 AM(#15 of 23)
chris must of been the one caught snorting a line of coke?
Posted by: fiction | April 5, 2005 11:44 AM(#16 of 23)
And I had that Cheeseburger Pizza over the weekend.
It smelled like feet, looked like puke and tasted vile.
Posted by: Ed | April 5, 2005 5:20 PM(#17 of 23)
I loved when Tana said, "it's not like this is rocket scientist." She said something else funny later in the episode but I can't remember it now.
Posted by: suebee | April 5, 2005 8:14 PM(#18 of 23)
Yes, so who was the one busted snorting coke? Our clue was supposed to be whoever (in this episode) said "I'm not hungry".
Did anyone catch who said that?
Posted by: B-Rock | April 6, 2005 10:12 AM(#19 of 23)
Chris is a lunatic. He has to see the writing on the wall and know that the only reason he's still around is because someone else has always sucked as much or more and because he's good tv (incentive to get rid of the other people who have sucked equal to him.) But there's no way he can win at this point.
Posted by: Ashes | April 6, 2005 2:29 PM(#20 of 23)
I tivoed the Apprentice specifically to find out who said, "I'm not hungry," and nobody said it during the task. Then I watched the breakfast scene hoping someone would say it then, but still no dice. Maybe the illegal alien maid of Donald's is the coke fiend. Or maybe it's Carolyn. Don't forget, she is Teaneck's Miss Titties '84...
I dont know what all the fuss about Stephanie is. She is supposedly the daughter of a billionaire yet she still has that fucken MOLE on her nose. Looks like someone squashed a roach on her. Probably climbed out of Angie's twat.
Chris is just nasty. Definitely a power bottom.
Posted by: doodiehead jones | April 6, 2005 11:51 PM(#21 of 23)
I tivoed the Apprentice specifically to find out who said, "I'm not hungry," and nobody said it during the task. Then I watched the breakfast scene hoping someone would say it then, but still no dice. Maybe the illegal alien maid of Donald's is the coke fiend. Or maybe it's Carolyn. Don't forget, she is Teaneck's Miss Ta Tas '84...
I dont know what all the fuss about Stephanie is. She is supposedly the daughter of a billionaire yet she still has that freakin MOLE on her nose. Looks like someone squashed a roach on her. Probably climbed out of Angie's twat.
Chris is just nasty. Definitely a power bottom.
Posted by: doodiehead jones | April 6, 2005 11:52 PM(#22 of 23)
versus cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Very classy review... I think you may have forgotten Count Chocolitious as well.
Posted by: Ct. Chocolia | April 7, 2005 12:30 AM(#23 of 23)