This week's episode began with a stroll down memory lane. The camera gazed lovingly on those black and white photos of Magna, taken so many weeks ago as part of a reward. Ah, the fallen teammates: Erin, Stephanie, Bren. Luckily, they will remain in our hearts, if only because the photo arrangement kind of looked like a Broadway marquis. I can already hear the commercials: "Erin Elmore in HAIR!" (Easy joke, I know).

While Alex and Bren duked it out in the Board Room, Kendra nervously paced to and fro, fretting that her boy Bren might not make it back. Alas, it was Alex who returned, and after his second escape from Trump in a row, he was ready to fight. "The worst person to get into a fight with is somebody that has nothing to lose. That's me!" he said with all the fierce determination of a metrosexual racing to Banana Republic. Actually though, he had plenty to lose. You know, like THE JOB. But listen, I really don't want to question Alex's logic. Instead, I'd like to know what sort of kinky hobbies he's been up to in the loft. As he unpacked his bags, he removed what appeared to be some large, metalic, clanking apparatus. I suppose it was his belt and tie rack, but I wouldn't be too surprised if it were some leather fetish contraption he'd purchased from the West Village.

The next morning, Rhona rang up the contestants, and in a surprise turn of events, Craig picked up the phone, allowing us to see his awkward morning shuffle. Just imagine a senior citizen walking over hot coals. Anyway, Rho-Dogg (that's her new nickname, starting now) told the posse where to meet Trump, and after some quick "I'm gettin' dressed, gonna seize the day!" footage, we met up with the big man once again. First order of business: Alex had to choose a new teammate. Now, if he had any sentimental attachments to the central premise of this season, he would have chosen Kendra, if only to resurrect the book smarts vs. street smarts rivalry. Thankfully, he knew the one way to make Magna implode would be to leave Kendra and Craig alone together; so he yanked over Tana, therefore ensuring that she'd most likely have a terrible performance (the Alex/Net Worth effect).

With the swap in place, it was now time for Trump to bellow loudly about things. Today's order of business? T-Shirts! And when we think of T-Shirts, what company do we think of? Hanes. (And yes, Donald was sure to mention that Hanes T-Shirts brought in two billion dollars worth of revenue last year). This week, teams had to design a commemorative t-shirt celebrating, I don't know, fifty years of Hanes? I really wasn't paying attention. Anyway, each group would be assigned a leading pop cultural artist who would help design the shirt, and then the team would have to sell the product the next day at a store called "Scoop", an apparent favorite of Ivanka Trump's. I'm surprised she didn't suddenly show up and say "Scoop is a really great store, folks. I think you'll really love it." Anyway, regarding the artists, Magna would work with Romero Britto and Net Worth with Burton Morris. That's pretty awesome. Those guys are geniuses (cut to me scurrying to the Internet, finding out who they are, hoping no one sees that I'm an art poseur).

Tana immediately stepped up to be Project Manager for Magna due to her experience launching a clothing line (and due to Alex's sucking as a Project Manager). I am a big Tana fan, but even I feared she was making a huge mistake as we saw Alex penning out some primitive designs for their shirt. Let's try to remember something: Alex + Designing = DISASTER. Luckily, Burton Morris soon showed up and began sketching some ideas. "How quickly can you make a star?" asked Tana. Uh, two seconds? It's only one of the more basic shapes out there. That's like asking Peyton Manning if he knows how to throw a football.

Over at Magna, we knew we were in for some friction when we encountered Craig, Kendra, and Romero Britto all squished into the back seat of a cab. Poor Romero. He seemed so uncomfortable and out of place, I momentarily thought he was reenacting a Steve Martin movie poster.

"Our t-shirt isn't going to be tacky like your outfit, right?"

When the trio finally arrived at the studio, Kendra (this week's Project Manager) told Romero's assistant to contact his mailing list and tell them that a limited edition product of his would be available for sale the next day. Very smart that Kendra is. Very smart indeed. Meanwhile, Craig sat in a corner and played with a stapler.

Posted by B-side on May 5, 2005 1:37 AM