4:16 AM
Kristi, who's greatest contribution to this season has been offering a XXX exercise class, designs a float for her team. Her idea: show the three stages of the Zathura household. The house at rest, the house going to space, and the house in space. Oh, well that clearly displays the scope of the movie. Minus the characters... and villains... and the all important family bond.

4:18 AM
Good news! Kristi is the new Toral. Except whereas Toral had brains, Kristi has twang.

4:19 AM
Wow, Randal has some crazy Squidward face going on right now. I'm sorry, I meant Za-Squidward.

4:20 AM
Hey, Jen just confronted Kristi about her attitude, and she was well-stated, friendly, yet firm. Impressive. ZATHURA!

4:21 AM
Ooh! Jen just accidentally slammed a door in Kristi's face. Take THAT, Reese Witherspoon!

4:23 AM
Markus yawns. He's tired. Hey, so am I, and I'm not complaining. Actually, I am. I've gotten twenty minutes through this show, and yet it's been nearly an hour since I've been typing. Just more fun times at TVgasm.

4:26 AM
Brian and Markus have a minor fight. Markus thinks Brian was being offensive by making him order dinner. Brian thinks Markus can't take a joke. Come on, people. This is a happy time. ZATHURA!

4:28 AM
Uh oh. Josh snipping at Markus now, saying that he's tired of cleaning without Markus's help. Too bad Randal's got all their secret sauce, huh?

4:29 AM
Wow, Rebecca without makeup looks somewhat scary. Meanwhile, the women are freaking out about their float. And where's Jennifer? Out getting stuff. Sounds like it'll be down to Za-wire.

4:33 AM
Hey, Brian's doing pretty well for the presentation. Oh... wait... the "stupid music" is playing. Yup, Brian's babbling on too long. And ouch! Favreau just told him to be quiet. Josh tells us it was like Brian had been "injected with Markus fluid." Injected with Markus fluid? I don't want to see what that process looked like. And let's just go over this again: Randal has the secret sauce, and Brian has the Markus fluid. Anyone else got a suggestive liquid they'd like to declare?

4:36 AM
The camera pans over to the team, and for one majestical moment, we get to see Mark's pearly white teeth. I think we may need protective goggles to look at those choppers.

4:38 AM
Wah wah wah. Jennifer M: "So bear with us as we take you through the incredible adventure of Zenthura!"

4:38 AM
Jennifer: "Zenthura is all about transition."

4:39 AM
Well, at least everyone's having a good time with this. Carolyn, Bill, the execs, Favreau -- they're all laughing at Jen, and here she goes again: "We wanted to have not only the house and the boys, but the game itself, Zenthura!"

4:41 AM
Jen again! "And we wanted to show your name Zenthura very large." IT'S WRITTEN BEHIND YOU! ZATHURA!!!

4:42 AM
Jen: "We are in love with our Zenthura float." Too bad there's NO SUCH MOVIE.

4:44 AM
What's this?? Trump walks out of his office and says to a fresh, young, ingenue: "Georgette, I'm going over to Sony." Georgette? Grrrrrowl!

4:46 AM
Favreau and the exec like the guys... Hmmm, before I even get to the madness of what's to come, I'm just going to pause this liveblog and get some shuteye...

10:07 PM
So much for getting this up by Friday morning. An unexpected lunch with the big wigs at my work meant that my normal recapping time was spent noshing on fries instead of typing at the 'Gasm offices.

10:09 PM
Brian wins exemption. And also we learn the float will appear in the Hollywood Halloween Parade, also known as the most god awful parade in the history of parades. Still, I might have to sneak out there just to take a snapshot of this legendary Zathura float.

10:11 PM
Oooookay. Excel's prize? Heading to a music studio to write music with Wyclef Jean. This has disaster written all over it. Did Wyclef Jean wake up one day and realize, "Gosh, the Black Eyed Peas have really cornered the market on whoring themselves out. There's got to be a way to trump them. Trump! Ah hah! To the Wyclef-mobile!"

10:13 PM
Trump says, "I'm a little impressed, Brian." Emphasis on "little." Zing! Another height cheap shot!

10:15 PM
And commence awkward whiteness... now. The guys meet Wyclef, and we learn they'll be writing a song called "The Rubble Man." Brian is apparently Rubble -- the brain child of that HILARious Josh. Oh, and it gets better. Brian is Rubble because like Barney Rubble, he has no indent in the back of his head. Oh, that Hannah Barbara comedy kills every time, Josh.

10:18 PM
Wyclef has all the guys play a musical instrument. But will Adam sing?? I still can't get his last ditty out of my head: "Delicious wishes..."

10:19 PM
Every frame of this scene is reality gold. Markus just yelled "YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?" as if he were a rapper. Because clearly he isn't.

10:20 PM
Adam, or as I like to call him -- Vanilla Usher -- lets loose with the R&B: "Ladies, if you see us in the club FREAKIN', join us. It's Rubble time!" This is followed by the other men singing some baritone, Viking-esque note. But nothing compares to wee Brian as he lets loose his skillz: "I'm a medium pimp / got girls around the world / in the club / watching girls twirl." If you're going to sound lame, at least use some semblance of iambic meter. Sheesh.

10:24 PM
I never thought The Apprentice could top the Tana/Lil' Jon episode, but then again, I clearly underestimated the power of white guys rapping. I firmly believe this reward was conceived purely to recreate that Tana magic. And oh, how they've succeeded. I mean, Brian just did a back flip. And here comes Adam again with his signature line, "FREAKIN'!"

Posted by B-side on October 22, 2005 2:14 PM