Zathura! - 
by B-side
10:28 PM
Back in the suite, Jennifer complains about Kristi. Wow, she's really FREAKIN'! Anyway, she says that right before the presentation, Kristi said to her, "Jennifer, don't screw it up, don't miss it, don't miss the point." Which is exactly what Jennifer did. Probably would have been better off simply whispering, "ZATHURA."
10:31 PM
Okay. Boardroom time. Hey, way to give Rebecca a helping hand. The poor girl literally hops from the elevator to the Boardroom. C'mon Robin. Get off your lazy ass!
10:32 PM
Meeeow! Out of the gate, Jennifer begins the Kristi bashing, and Alla even comes to her defense. Sort of. Oh, and Carolyn is furious. She's yelling more than Trump. "And the scale! It was awful!" Carolyn HATES bad perspective!!
10:35 PM
Did Trump just call Marshawn "Marsha"? That's like calling Zathura, "Zenthura."
10:36 PM
Remember what I said about Marshawn a few weeks ago? She's a killer in the boardroom, and she's got Kristi in her crosshairs!
10:37 PM
When Kristi gets mad, she sort of sounds like a little dog. And there's Bill Rancic: smiling, looking goofy, offering nothing whatsoever.
10:37 PM
Oh, the old intimidation game. Kristi says, "You know what? Maybe you're intimidated." Jennifer responds, "I am not intimidated by you. You're intimidated by me, Kristi." I know you are, but what am I?
10:39 PM
Trump tells Jennifer to bring two people back with her. The rest of the ladies "are gonna go to this magnificent suite in the sky, on 57th and 5th. The famous Trump Tower." He then adds, "When he's in town, God stays there."
10:41 PM
Jennifer brings back Kristi and that's it. I hate this trend. Meanwhile, Bill Rancic smiles quietly in the corner. Could he be any more worthless?
10:44 PM
Trump says, "You two don't like each other, do you?" That would be an understatement. Kristi says that Jennifer isn't a straight shooter. Yeah, like that time when she directly told you how you were being perceived by the team, that was totally devious.
10:47 PM
Jennifer looks like she's about to lose it right there in the Boardroom. Cry! CRY!
10:48 PM
Oooh. Kristi gets Za-Fired, and it's because she spent her whole time on the defensive. You know, all she needed to do was say one thing to get Jennifer fired: ZATHURA. Literally.
10:50 PM
As the girls head out, Jennifer offers an olive branch. "I'm sorry," she says, causing Kristi to snap back, "SHUT UP! I don't even want to hear it, Jen."
10:53 PM
"There's no doubt about it. I'm just going to have to make some drastic changes to this team. This team is not working," Trump says afterwards. Hey, isn't that exactly what Martha Stewart said on her Apprentice when Matchstick lost, even after taking on a Primarius woman? So the student becomes the teacher...
10:55 PM
Oh, a nice little bonus treat. NBC plays "The Rubble Man" one last time as Jennifer returns to the suite. Doesn't really make sense, but we welcome it anyway.
10:57 PM
HOLY SHIT. Next week looks like the best Apprentice EVER. Carolyn's in charge, but The Donald's still there and he's piiisssed! Eyes rolling back into my head. And with that, the not-so-liveblog comes to an end. Fun times, people. Fun times.
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Comments
I was waiting for Kristi to pull out some Legally Blonde 3 in the boardroom. I think Jennifer's looks were going to beat any defense in Trumpland.
Posted by: Brad | October 22, 2005 3:01 PM(#1 of 27)
I think if Randal had just a bit of Don King hair, then I think he could pass for Bert on Sesame Street.
Posted by: Boringboris | October 22, 2005 6:41 PM(#2 of 27)
I loved the moment truwp told Rhona to 'hold all my calls.....'..cause you don't have voicemail dude?
and who are these guys who show up/call every week to be browbeaten by trump? that lawyer dude last week and some ass on the phone this week?
I fast forwarded through the reward as most weeks, (what person who attended at least one year of college hasn't had the chance to see wycleff and get up on stage with him to do some covers of real rappers?) but when the rubble song came over jen's walk back i knew i had missed something amazing, and backed up the DVR. i was not dissapointed.
FREAKIN!!
Posted by: Leah3t | October 22, 2005 9:52 PM(#3 of 27)
Good news! Kristi is the new Toral. Except whereas Toral had brains, Kristi has twang.
--------------------------
Yes, how can we ever forget Toral's blazingly brilliant "Blizzard Blister" idea? Alliteration - it just never gets old.
Thanks for the great recap. I am so angry at myself for missing what was surely an instant classic.
What the hell is up with Bill Rancic's teeth? To borrow from the Trumpster, they are (H)UGE.
Posted by: bdos88 | October 22, 2005 11:45 PM(#4 of 27)
Best.
Recap.
EVER!!
You outdid yourself this time with the liveblog format. This was a hilarious episode and I can't wait for next week - guess the teams will be mixed b/c the gals are going down in flames. Too bad they don't pull a Surivor and just leave the teams alone until they get down to one member....wow, I wonder which woman would be left standing?!
Awesome recap dude - many tear of laughter were shed - mucho gracias.
Posted by: Michelle | October 23, 2005 12:11 AM(#5 of 27)
I was kind of turned on when they said Brian was injected with Markus juice. I don't know about anyone else, but I think Markus is foine. FOINE.
Posted by: Gigi | October 23, 2005 12:43 AM(#6 of 27)
Was it just me, or did Bill look like he was hiding a boner under the table every time he looked at Jen?
Posted by: Coyote | October 23, 2005 7:42 AM(#7 of 27)
No way Trump was going to fire Jennifer yet. She's totally his type. Tall stately beautiful women with big hair is his specialty. Squeaky abrasive southern women like Kristeese Witherspewn didn't stand a chance.
Posted by: GregnNYC | October 23, 2005 8:03 AM(#8 of 27)
I could not believe it when Trump called Marshawn Marsha. I thought he hand picked this year's candidates b/c he didnt like last years. He could have at least learned their names in the process. But then again she isnt a blonde Eastern European model.
Posted by: Mr. Negativity | October 23, 2005 5:05 PM(#9 of 27)
Sorry, didn't like the liveblog format, please go back the the old layout, it allowed for much more of your brilliant commentary.
Please note: Tuxedo boardroom next week!!
Posted by: Kobayashi | October 23, 2005 7:42 PM(#10 of 27)
hey, did you hear about the new wynn hotel?
i hear its so great, he put his name on it!
Posted by: jash | October 23, 2005 8:41 PM(#11 of 27)
Nice to see my joke about about Mark's clorox bleached teeth in every recap! ;)
I think you could have written a whole two paragraphs on the guys jam session but nice recap overall!
Posted by: Krystal | October 23, 2005 8:51 PM(#12 of 27)
I did think it was funny that our munchkin pointed out the same thing I thought as the movie was explained-- "Isn't this Jumanji in outer space?"
Posted by: Leah | October 24, 2005 8:26 AM(#13 of 27)
Great recap as always. My husband and I think that the beauty queen (Jen) was spared execution by the Dawnald not just for his own viewing pleasure for another week at least, but also as to annoy Caraoline. She seemed to really pick on Jen. Maybe a little executive jealousy??
Posted by: Melisa | October 24, 2005 9:08 AM(#14 of 27)
"Did Wyclef Jean wake up one day and realize, 'Gosh, the Black Eyed Peas have really cornered the market on whoring themselves out. There's got to be a way to trump them. Trump! Ah hah! To the Wyclef-mobile!'"
I just spit my water at the computer screen. Another great tvgasm moment!
Posted by: callygirl | October 24, 2005 9:12 AM(#15 of 27)
The one of the funniest recaps to date! Thank god for TVgasm or I'd never make it through the workday!
Posted by: Star | October 24, 2005 10:32 AM(#16 of 27)
The Original, APPRENTICE,!
I had to say that, with whats her name show trying to be SOMETHING
anyhows, youre right, could this be the thing that brings Carol down, the Jenster?
She dodged a bullet, big time, I cant even repeat her mistake, and she;s supposed to be An Executive. Rule #1 NEVER MISPRONOUNCE SOMEONE"S name, remember when in another Apprentice, that idiot Maria mispronounced Isaac Misrachi name wrong , Isaac almost Bitch slapped her
and that jock comforting Jen as she cried , I thought he was SO SINCERE
*RIght)
Posted by: Taradash | October 24, 2005 12:07 PM(#17 of 27)
I was ticked that Jen Zenthura wasn't fired! She was saying such meaningless things in the boardroom, too, like I get results, people like me, blah blah blah. It was probably her looks that kept her around, because there is no other reason that the project manager who repeatedly mispronounced the project's name should get another chance. She actually reminds me of one of Trump's 80s wives with the blonde highlights and dark roots...Marla Maples?
Posted by: Zensandra | October 24, 2005 2:45 PM(#18 of 27)
your apprentice recaps are usually the best of the week. PLEASE don't liveblog them anymore!!!
thanks.
Posted by: zengina | October 24, 2005 3:11 PM(#19 of 27)
No more live blogs! Oh and WE WANT PRENUPS!!
Posted by: bootsy | October 24, 2005 6:34 PM(#20 of 27)
Best recap lately. Nearly as good as a DQ Blizzamorole! Those things freaking rock like the Rubble Man. THE APPRENTICE is now riding the bus with its sister, THE APPRENTICE: MARTHA STEWART. Blindingly retarded. Kristi did not deserve that. A kick in the mouth? God, YES! Getting beat by JENTHURA? Never.
ps - Caroline, stop laughing at Jen. Your hair looks like shithura.
Posted by: zuulrules | October 24, 2005 7:25 PM(#21 of 27)
Am I the only one who laughed out loud watching crutches girl hop from the elevator with her luggage to the boardroom? I could not stop laughing, too bad she didn't fall flat on her face. Za-Thud!
KH
Posted by: katieshole | October 25, 2005 7:28 AM(#22 of 27)
your right katieshole! I noticed that too.
Its must have been NO one will now help her
Posted by: Taradash | October 25, 2005 7:43 AM(#23 of 27)
Trump says, "I'm a little impressed, Brian." Emphasis on "little." Zing! Another height cheap shot! -That's hilarious :)
Can't wait to see sidekick Caro in charge next week- here's her pathetic chance to show us she can do more than spell techno. Would love to see her get in a catfight with the vodka-loving stripper or Lisa Welchel's daughter. Go JOSH!
Posted by: Lauren | October 27, 2005 7:31 AM(#24 of 27)
"Your hair looks like shithura."
FUNNY shit!
Posted by: Donna Martin Graduates! | October 27, 2005 12:06 PM(#25 of 27)
Wow, that Adam is a stud!
Posted by: Lauren | October 27, 2005 1:30 PM(#26 of 27)
You the song The Rubble Man was a great song. I'm still singing it.
Posted by: reilly | October 27, 2005 1:41 PM(#27 of 27)