We knew tonight's episode would be bad news for someone when the first thing we saw was a rainy puddle. Oooh! Ominous. But then things got even worse when we saw... a rainy bench! And then a rainy gutter! And then a rainy street light!!! It's pure doom, I tell you!!

In the suite, Felisha was damn near close to losing it. "If Kristi doesn't walk through that door, I'll be devastated," she said nervously. Well, guess what Felish? You might be feeling a little devastated because as we all remember from last week, Kristi was unceremoniously axed, leaving only the faint echo of her twang to resonate in our memories. As Jen returned from the Boardroom, everyone seemed happy by and large, but I feared Felisha might have a "spell" and faint on the carefully selected oriental furniture. Amazingly, she pulled herself together (Kristi would have wanted it that way), and then Jen addressed her team. "Clean slate. This next task, we're gonna come together." Yeah, sure, whatever. Another clean slate -- why the hell not. We'll just keep cleaning it until the damn thing falls apart.

Meanwhile, Alla announced that she'd be Project Manager, and since she and Marshawn seem like the most capable women (along with Rebecca), I had faith that she'd be able to kick her team's asses into gear. "We need to function as one cohesive unit, and I'm gonna make it happen," she promised. Sweet. Just don't tell them how you used to be a stripper. Could be a real distraction.

The next morning, Rhona made her usual phone call, and this time, it was Clay who answered the weird banana phone. And yes, it did look quite suggestive to see him holding the phallic device. Anyway, Rhona said that teams needed to pick their Project Managers and then meet in the boardroom, causing Clay to say, "In the boardroom. Interesting." Hey, don't be passive aggressive to Rhona! She's just doing her job, jerk.

Suggestive image of the night.

Well, after everyone got dressed and spiffed up, the teams headed downstairs and dammit, no George. Second week in a row with Bill. And uh oh, where's Donald? Had I not been eagerly studying tonight's previews for the past seven days straight, I might have been alarmed. But I knew this was the Carolyn episode, and so it was no surprise to hear her chirp, "I'm in charge today!" Excellent. She then barked, "First order of business: GET ME A COMB!" Actually, seeing that she was sitting in The Donald's chair, it was only appropriate that Carolyn's hair be as messy and tussled as possible.

Anyway, it was time for a corporate reshuffling. Carolyn told Alla to drop the three most worthless people to Excel, which meant that Jennifer (okay, that makes sense), Rebecca (huh? Oh yeah, Toral lover), and Marshawn (What? She's like the best) all headed over to Capital Edge. And in return, Project Manager Josh sent back Clay (of course), Markus (duh), and Adam (sure, why not). So basically, Alla's team was full of lame, annnoying types (except Randal), and Josh's team had all the power hitters. Yay lopsidedness! See you in the Boardroom, Alla. Right?

With the teams all switched up, it was now time to get to business. "America loves sports," said Carolyn. "It's no wonder that the sporting goods industry takes in well over twenty billion dollars a year." Okay, time for a little honesty here, and yes, sometimes honesty hurts. I love ya, Carolyn, but this is really Trump's territory. If you're going to throw around the "B" word, you've got to sell it. You know, say it big: TWENTY BILLION DOLLARS! Nevertheless, the big task was to go to Dick's Sporting Goods and create an "interactive sales event" based on the sport of their choosing. The team that generates the biggest percentage increase in revenue wins.

Now, the instinct is to say sports + excel = money in the bank. But then again, let's not forget the Car Theory. Note: I'm making up this theory right now; so if you don't remember it, that's okay. The Car Theory is that every time teams have to design some sort of promotional campaign for a new car, the guys always screw it up because they always think it's right up their alley. Okay, the Car Theory is a bit broad and clunky. Point is -- hubris is a very dangerous attribute.

Speaking of hubris, or lack thereof, Capital Edge was forthright in their complete lack of knowledge of sports. But at least they had a sense for the market, and Markus pushed the idea of golf because he knew that people were fanatic about the sport. Still, it was going to be a risky venture for the team, and Alla knew it: "We're gonna wing it, and it's gonna come down to our ability to sell." Hmmm. Let me guess: the other team is going to boast about all their sports knowledge and how this task is right up their alley. (Did somebody say Car Theory?)

Posted by B-side on October 28, 2005 5:51 AM